[tabrez02]

A Dictionary of Male Speech Patterns

What he says - the lie: "I can't find it"

What he means - the truth: "I can't see it, it didn't fall into my
hands, so it must not exist"

What he says - the lie: "It's a guy thing"

What he means - the truth: "There's no rational thought pattern
connected with it. It also explains my unjustifiable behaviour"

What he says - the lie: "Can I help with dinner?"

What he means - the truth: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

What he says - the lie: "I'm getting more exercise lately"

What he means - the truth: "The batteries in the remote (for TV) are
dead"

What he says - the lie: "We're going to be late"

What he means - the truth: "I have a legitimate reason for driving
like a maniac"

What he says - the lie: "Take a break honey, you're working too hard"

What he means - the truth: "I can't hear the television over the
vacuum cleaner"

What he says - the lie: "That's interesting darling"

What he means - the truth: "Are you still talking?"

What he says - the lie: "We don't need material things to prove our
love"

What he means - the truth: "I forgot our anniversary again"

What he says - the lie: "It's really a good movie"

What he means - the truth: "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and
naked women"

What he says - the lie: "You know how bad my memory is"

What he means - the truth: "I remember the words to the theme song of
Gilligan's Island, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the
registration number of every car I've owned, but I forgot your
birthday"

What he says - the lie: "I was just thinking about you and got you
these roses"

What he means - the truth: "The girl selling them on the corner was a
real babe with great curves; I wanted to take a close up"

What he says - the lie: "Call an ambulance! I think I'm dying!"

What he means - the truth: "I cut my finger"

What he says - the lie: "I heard you"

What he means - the truth: "I haven't the faintest idea what you just
said, but you can stop talking now."

What he says - the lie: "You really look terrific on that outfit"

What he means - the truth: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm
starving"

What he says - the lie: "I missed you"

What he means - the truth: "I can't find my socks, the kids are
hungry, and we're out of toilet paper"

What he says - the lie: "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are"

What he means - the truth: "No one will ever see us alive again"

What he says - the lie: "Nice dress"

What he means - the truth: "Nice *******"

What he says - the lie: "I do help around the house"

What he means - the truth: "I once threw a dirty towelnear the
laundry basket"

What he says - the lie: "She's one of those militant, feminist
lesbians"

What he means - the truth: "She refused to have *** with me"