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Old 9th March 2009, 17:57   #1
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Default Tata Xenon – the million buck, ahem, truck!

Playing truant from office on a dull Saturday afternoon we escaped for a long and sumptuous luncheon and then landed up at Wasan Motors, Chembur to check out the new Xenon.

The black Xenon on display is quite the looker.

‘Ghajini’ 6-pack muscular wheel arches, smart 16” alloy wheels, big aggressive stance, indicator lights on outside mirrors, roof rails, menacing bull bars, the Xenon is the big-baddie-mean-machine. You will definitely want to drive this wearing your favorite pair of Levi’s, leather boots, Aviators and listenin’ to Highway Star. The complete ‘road-trip’ ensemble, you get the drift, don’t ya?

We pole-vault onto our seats. (Sorry, this Highway Star has no foot-step provided), strap up and power the engine on. The engine growls menacingly, surprisingly quiet inside the cabin. The AC is just about OK.

Sitting in the driver’s seat, purveying an assortment of minions crawling, you smack your lips, eyes burn with sadistic pleasure anticipating the destruction you can unleash. You slowly release the clutch expecting the Xenon to pounce on its prey. The vehicle awakens from its slumber, lazily stretching it limbs, giving enough time for your quarry to escape. You lean forward, almost coaxing the Xenon to leap forward. You floor the accelerator pedal, shift gears, the rpm needle swings and then whoomp… once you cross the 2000 mark the turbo kicks in.

And just about in time to fill the rear view mirror and scare the bejesus out of the Alto, who had cocked a snook at you a few minutes ago. But then, when you look into the rear view mirror to savor the trail of destruction, the pigeon-hole that passes off as the rear-view mirror is woefully inadequate. A periscope should be standard issue with the Xenon.

The Santro aiming for the narrow gap on the left scurries away the moment we move menacingly towards it… grrrr, growl! Hunting down small animals with spears was a testosterone pumping sport for our Neanderthal ancestors, quite similar to the blood-sport of hunting down the errant auto rickshaws, puny Santros and even the lowly sedans with the new Xenon in the thickets of the Sion-Trombay road.

Driving the Xenon on crowded streets has quite the same effect on your ego as the Blue Pill.

The steering is about as precise as the Met department’s reports and definitely dyslexic, takes interminably long to understand and respond. At low speeds you flex your pectorals, though the handling does get a lot easier at higher speeds. We managed to hit 60 kmph and couldn’t go any faster on the crowded street. Don’t really know how the car handles at high speeds, but found the car tottering a bit at a corner.

The interiors of the Xenon are about as fresh as last week’s dal served with the day before yesterday’s leftovers - dark grey Commercial vehicle issue plastics.

If that’s not enough, lookie here…..MCGM (Municipal Corporation of Greater Mumbai for the non Bombaywalas) inspired hurriedly covered ‘man holes’ on the door arm rest!
It appears that in an effort to scrounge the same plastic panel has been used on the front driver’s and passenger door arm rest. But, the Einstein didn’t account for the slot made for power window controls on the driver’s side. Since these buttons are not required on the front passenger’s side, voila, the plastic man-hole covers! There are strange peep-holes on the rear door panels as well, with plastic thingummies covering them. And yes, the plastic on the inside, B-pillar, was peeling off like last-to-last Diwali’s painted walls.

The rear seats, my partners-in-the-truant-crime tell me was a comfortable as being strapped to the railway bench. The angle of the seat back rest definitely seemed a rip off from Lonavla station.

Now that brings me to “The” question. Should you buy the Xenon?

The Xenon is definitely too ‘rich’ for the trader supplying eggs to Vijay Stores on 3rd road. He is better off buying the Ace or from any of the myriad other choices he has. And as the company said in its press release, this is a ‘lifestyle’ vehicle and hence, you Mr. Egg trader do not qualify.

The car retails at about a million rupees (OTR). With a million bucks weighing down my pockets, there are hazaar alternatives. But, pray tell me, if I were to have a million, spare change, why would I buy a car which is clad, on the insides, in Mangaldas market polyesters? Wouldn’t I want the chiffons and the brocades from Ritu Beri’s studios? I want to go on a road trip AND I want my car to pamper me while I am at it.

What am I? Who am I? Answers to this existential conundrum made great saints out mere mortals. It’s no different for the Tata Xenon.
Attached Thumbnails
Tata Xenon – the million buck, ahem, truck!-b-pillar.jpg  

Tata Xenon – the million buck, ahem, truck!-rear-view-mirror.jpg  

Tata Xenon – the million buck, ahem, truck!-xenon-exterior.jpg  

Tata Xenon – the million buck, ahem, truck!-xenon-exterior-2.jpg  

Tata Xenon – the million buck, ahem, truck!-dash.jpg  

Tata Xenon – the million buck, ahem, truck!-dials.jpg  

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Old 9th March 2009, 18:17   #2
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Nice one again.

We are not done right? More photos too please.
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Old 9th March 2009, 19:15   #3
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Great review Kaushik. I loved your style of writing. How about some more pictures of the truck?. Was this a 4x4?
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Old 9th March 2009, 20:03   #4
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Tata Xenon – the million buck, ahem, truck!
That was a pretty decent "Troy Queef" imitation, congratulations. You may consider mailing it to sniffpetrol. But you should have posted this in the 'Shifting Gears' section.

Awaiting actual review.

Last edited by SuperSyn : 9th March 2009 at 20:06.
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Old 9th March 2009, 20:16   #5
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Lovely review there Kaushik, bloody funny to read!
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Old 9th March 2009, 20:41   #6
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Kaushik, you have got a damn funny way of writing reviews. I hope you play truant more often and write down those escapades for us
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Old 9th March 2009, 20:52   #7
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That's the craziest review I've read in recent times. Great Style! Surely I don't mean Xenon.

So Xenon is that bad? Hmm, I thought it would be a step up from Safari.
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Old 9th March 2009, 20:56   #8
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Really enjoyed the way kaushik has penned this review. Some more pictures would have been great.
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Old 9th March 2009, 21:01   #9
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Fantastic review Kaushik, hope folks from Tata do read the reviews on TBHP and improve the Xenon.
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Old 9th March 2009, 21:07   #10
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Great review. Too hilarious to read. You are going to post more pics, are'nt you?
Could not make out what's in the first pic.
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Old 9th March 2009, 22:22   #11
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Lol awesome read. The bmc manholes was the best part of this all. Agree lifestyle vehicles are supp to pamper you but y dont vehicle manufacturers get that!!!
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Old 9th March 2009, 22:36   #12
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brilliant review.
Keep up the good work (no tata not meant for you, this is for kaushikz)
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Old 9th March 2009, 22:55   #13
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Actually this can be the best put to used to the owners of "tuned cars" in india which break down at every intersection.pulling your 200-300-400-500 bhp "tuned" rides.lol.

Oh yes by the way great writing skills kaushikz.
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Old 9th March 2009, 23:10   #14
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This aint not fair Kaushikz you are stealing the limelight with your writing flair from the poor XENON !!! Is it that bad pal what about the 4x4 did nt you bother to check it?? Only one thing which even you have mentioned it definitely is a looker ?? Aint it ??
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Old 9th March 2009, 23:11   #15
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LOL! That is one awesomely funny review, there. Hope to read more of such reviews in the future.

Last edited by safari_lover : 9th March 2009 at 23:13.
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