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Old 29th June 2004, 17:16   #1
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Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and shirt front is
wet.

Fault : Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to
wrong part of face.

Solution : Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror.
Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking
technique is perfect.


Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and beer unusually
pale and clear.

Fault : Glass is empty.

Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint.


Symptom : Feet cold and wet.

Fault : Glass being held at incorrect angle.

Solution : Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.


Symptom : Feet warm and wet.

Fault : Loss of self-control.

Solution : Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while
complain to its owner about its lack of house training.


Symptom : Lap cool and wet.

Fault : Drooling on yourself.

Solution : Change position so that you are drooling on someone
else.

Symptom : Bar blurred.

Fault : You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.

Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint.


Symptom :Bar moving.

Fault : You are being carried out.

Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not
complain loudly that you are being hijacked.


Sympton : Bar looks like a circus.

Fault : You're at a circus.

Solution : Go to a bar.


Symptom : The opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and has
a fluorescent strip across it.

Fault : You have fallen over backwards.

Solution : If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your
drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you
up and lash you to the bar.


Symptom : Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of
teeth and cigarette butts.

Fault : You have fallen over forwards.

Solution : Same as for falling over backwards.


Symptom : Everything has gone dim.

Fault : The pub is closing.

Solution : PANIC!!
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Old 29th June 2004, 20:20   #2
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Symptom : the world is spinning around you

Fault : obviously you've lost control of your car

Solution : Close your eyes and repeat after me "Our father, who art in heaven, i'll be there in a min".

PS : Gotta love JC for that.

Regards...
Shan2nu
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Old 29th June 2004, 22:10   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by [b
Quote[/b] ]
*
Symptom : the world is spinning around you

Fault : obviously you've lost control of your car

Solution : Close your eyes and repeat after me "Our father, who art in heaven, i'll be there in a min".


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Old 1st July 2004, 19:38   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by [b
Quote[/b] (Shan2nu @ June 29 2004,18:50)]Symptom : the world is spinning around you

Fault : obviously you've lost control of your car

Solution : Close your eyes and repeat after me "Our father, who art in heaven, i'll be there in a min".
Shantanu....i thought u were driving down the Highway to hell!
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