The craziest SMS's/mails you've got....

[shravan316]

Hey guys,
Share the craziest SMS's u've ever got.

Here's couple from my dad's mobile...
1.>Sincere apologies:If you don't like my messages, get annoyed with them.....don't hesitate, feel free to through your cell !!
2.>Remember this one came to my dad's mobile at 1 am in the night... Namaskar....this is All India Anti-Sleep association.....our duty is to disturb people's sleep.....pass this on to sleeping jokers..

[lamborghini]

naughty boy
readin ure dads messages ..........
not good............
anyway........
all of my messages are funny not crazy.......
for eg .
a newspaper piblished - half the sardars are donkeys
all the sardars protested so the next day it published - half the sardars are not donkeys
then all the sardars were happy

here is one sent to me by some friends -
i hv a confession 2 make! evr since i've known u, its hard for me 2 forget u.
evry nite u come into my dreams and i find myself shouting - BHOOT BHOOT

[X-Machine]

Fresh Maal....oh i mean mail.Just rcvd....Hilarious

Bollywood Movies and Newton!

Its a small story about newton,mithunda and our very own rajnicant. Recently the father of physics made a visit to earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Indian movies and had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologised for everything he had done.

In the movie of Mithun chakravarthy Newton dada was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:

1) Mithunda has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Our great Mithunda is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Mithunda

2) In one of the movies, Mithunda is confronted with 2 gangsters. Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does.......He holds a knife in his hand and shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces an d kills both the gangsters. Then, Mithunda utters the following dialogue.
"Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa".

3) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolvver but he got no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as he gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bulletc ompartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....

4) The heroine is tied to an electric chair and the remote is in the hands of the villain about 100 km away. As usual, the villain confronts the hero saying "Hathiyar phek do warna main yeh remote ka button dabake tumharimehbooba ko mar doonga". The usual fight occurs and just as the hero makes the final blow, the villain dies but not before he presses than damn button. Now what to do?
Sure enough, there is a horse and the hero jumps on it. Now there is a race: The current in the cable connected to the electric chair is moving fast but our hero and his horse are desparately trying tocatch up.... goes on for a few km and just as the current would hit the chair, the hero jumps from the horse and picks the girl away from the chain and husssshhhh. She is saved. The poor electric current only goes to an empty chair. Climax, taaalian. Hero! Hero!! Hero!!!

This was too much for our Newton to take and he went completely out of his mind and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a Rajnikanth movie for one last time and thought that atleast one movie will follow his theory of physics.

The whole movies goes fine and newton is happy that all in the world hasnt changed. Oops not so fast. The climax finally arrives.Rajni gets to know that the villian is on the the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajni can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajni has to desparalety kill the villian because its the climax Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible).. Rajni suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket(Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall ,he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villianis dead.

Newton faints

[X-Machine]

Another one....

Once it so happened in a flight that, James bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy. Both were traveling to US. Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "I am Bond...James Bond."
James Bond: "And you?"
Telugu Guy: "I am Sai...
Venkata Sai...
Siva Venkata Sai ...
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Bulusupalli Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai..."
Bond faints!!!!

[lamborghini]

good one x-machine

[Shan2nu]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]3) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolvver but he got no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as he gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bulletc ompartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....

Just one doubt, which direction was the bullet facing when it entered the bullet compartment. *If not for bollywood, Mithunda would have ended up shooting himself.

ok, here's one that was sent to me by a friend. I got this message around 3 am, and this is what she had to say ""What in the world do you think you're doing , reading my SMS at 3 in the morning.........go back to sleep!!"" *

Regards...
Shan2nu

[X-Machine]

WOMAN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

Ladies: NO offense intended !!
Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg, may vary from 40-200kg
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas


Physical properties:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used


Chemical properties:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man


Common uses:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent


Tests:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.


Although several specimen can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

WARNING: PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVER PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE

[shravan316]

The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students of USA. As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!"

1. "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

2. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

3. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

4. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

5. "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

6. "To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow."

7. "The parts of speech are lungs and air."

8. "The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes."

9. "A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population."

10. "Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris."

11. "The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom."

12. "The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom."

13. "Iron was discovered because someone smelt it."

14. "Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners."

15. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

16. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire's in the East and the sun sets in the West.

17. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the fall when the apples are falling off the trees.

18. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

19. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

20. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

21. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

22. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

23. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

24. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.



Got to add some real ones here by our clever juniors in college for *a Physics Test:

Q. Give an example for a dimensionless quantity?

A. Happiness.

Q.Give an example of a perfectly black body?

A.Er...ummm....A buffalo?