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Old 21st August 2014, 22:40   #46
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I didn't want to clutter up the Jokes thread with responses, but now that it is a thread by itself, may I thank the very kind responders.

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Originally Posted by deetjohn View Post
I am terribly missing the thanks button here.
Honoured kind sir.

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Originally Posted by condor View Post
Undress yourself before you dress the tyres ? Isn't that simple ?
Hahaha. That had me cracking.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hemanth.anand View Post
So is the basement boy with his rag manufactured in 1629 and a loo bucket with a black liquid of indeterminate origin back in business?
Get well Soon Secretariat
Thanks for the kind words Hemanth. After your wonderful travelogue, this is a special honour.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrAzY dRiVeR View Post
Lol... Finally somebody uses the thread in a very creative manner. Never knew detailing was such a good workout for the body and mind!
Very kind of you. Tough to ever reach the heights of your recent wonderful ownership review.

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Originally Posted by sagarpadaki View Post
That was hilarious!

As a fellow detailer i can wholly understand your thoughts!

Get well soon
Really honoured - coming from such an eminent detailer.

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Originally Posted by Guite View Post
That's a hoot. Thanks for writing. Whether or not you finish thesis and get your doctorate in detailing, I will definitely confer you my non existent university's doctorate in creative humour writing.
Delighted to be awarded the doctorate !

Quote:
Originally Posted by yo222 View Post

P.S.: for the info of those who are wondering why am i cribbing about a simple car wash effort once in a blue moon, it was all about washing my Xylo!
I totally prostrate in front of anybody who will even attempt to detail a Xylo !

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prowler View Post
Got to hand it to you Mate - you really have a sense of humor.

It is evident from the number of Thanks your posts have accrued.

As a fellow wannabe detailer I know what a pain to detail our cars.

Thanks for lightening up our day. Do share more of your other activities as well.
Many thanks. Your kind praise has totally gone to my head such that an encore irreverent post is tempting. On the Jokes thread though !

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thad E Ginathom View Post
Secretariat. Just looking at that thread exhausts me!

I use microfibre for both. I use microfibre for everything.

However, my microfibre bath towel cost about twenty times the price of my car cloths.

~
Good Lord. I bow to thee O Lord of microfibres !

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Originally Posted by arunphilip View Post
Best. Post. Ever.
Awwww. Floored.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chetan_Rao View Post
(Repeated) note to self: Do not read joke thread while consuming liquids. Choking hazard and injurious to well-being of electronic equipment said thread being read on
Statutory warning should appear on the Jokes thread - !

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Originally Posted by mallumowgli View Post
Oh my God!! I was planning to read this thread when I get some free time. I'll heed your warning.
Beware. Beware. At your peril

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Originally Posted by mayankk View Post
You, sir, have created a legend here.
I propose, and most members here will agree, that this post should get a thread, and go for a battle for King of the hill with Mr. Hanky Panky.
OMG. You are very kind, but that legend's numero uno status is intact.

Quote:
Originally Posted by whitesquall View Post

@Secretariat: Now your eyes will be socked off if I ever see you!

PS: BTW, I had purchased my first Elastrofoam clay bar yesterday itself and my wife thought I have gone mad to buy a piece of foam paying about 2k rupees!! That made me relate to your story even more!!
Very kind - thank you. But you are now hooked and thou shall share the fate of all wannabe detailers !!

Quote:
Originally Posted by raghu.t.k View Post
So finally this topic gets its dedicated thread.

I am sure many who tried their hands on washing and applying wax leave alone a full detailing would resonate with what is mentioned above, right from firing the cleaning guy, to feeling every bone and muscle in the body.
Ache Ache. Isn't it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aneezan View Post
Reading this a tad late, i guess. I haven't recovered yet.
Thanks secretariat.

Some water, shampoo, cloth and newspaper does for me!
Very kind comment. But beware. Some detailer is going to clobber you for the blasphemy !

Quote:
Originally Posted by dass View Post
I got to admit too, reading the thread from Rudra, I tried a little detailing on my own and ended up with a LOT of swirl marks than what as there earlier. Lesson learnt and I have stayed away from trying to be a detail-er even since.

Secretariat- you have a penache for humor and I was trying to control my laughter while reading your thread.

My wife thinks, I spend a lot more time taking care of cleaning my car than I take care of self.
Honoured by the lovely comment. And yes, I might go your way too.

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Originally Posted by SunnyBoi View Post
Haha, very well written.

Swirls and holograms on a Rolls in the museum :(
Really. Maybe the authors of the 8759 posts are all buying tickets to wherever the museum is .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachit.K.Dogra View Post
Lovely Lovely write up. I completely feel connected although thankfully I was not brave enough to buy this much amount of stuff.

And mind you after all this, my car is so full of swirls that I have almost stopped posting her pictures on the forum out of shame.
Many thanks. Thankfully I was as scared as you to buy all that stuff. And I suspect I shall soon become a swirl generator rather than a remover.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nishantdlv View Post
Once upon a time, many many months ago, bought a bottle of Meguiars Shampoo and decided to tell the watchman to stop his so-called 'washing' and try my hand with the stuff. Not being used to such labour, sacked the evil thought, and there lies the Meguiars filled just below the brim
Way to go !

Quote:
Originally Posted by sudeepg View Post
Hilarious!

Good things have difficult starts, you will get along just fine. Thanks for your post, I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks Sudeep. Sorry for misleading you with all that product claims !

Quote:
Originally Posted by tejas08 View Post
That is one hilarious Post.

I am one of those persons who would just walk into a 3M showroom. Tell them to do all the stuff, pay them and walk out. I really don't have the patience and time to do the stuff myself.
Thanks Tejas. Shhhh. Don't say so when a detailer is prowling around.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catalyst_delhi View Post
I liked your writing style. Rated 5 stars. I have begun my journey into detailing- this after a year of surviving without parking. I got to read up now and do what you did. Great job! DO post some pictures
All the very best (and commiserations !) on the detailing journey.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ad3952n View Post
Buddy, you have tried to imitate a veteran/ maverick car detail-er. This in itself is a achievement. I would like to share over here something that says "Why is Sir Rudra Sen a car detail-er par excellence"
Oh no; I am not qualified to be even mentioned in the same sentence as the master.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shivs2003 View Post
An absolutely fantastic post. Thank you for the laughter and also a fair warning to the intricacies of "OVER-DETAILING".
Thanks Shiv.
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Originally Posted by drivingme.crazy View Post
Be glad, he didn't write a thread on "how to find the right girl for you".
OMG OMG.

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Originally Posted by hifisharu View Post
I think this sums it all up
Trembling with fear !

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Originally Posted by mallumowgli View Post
That too, the car is in black. So if Secretariat had really tried detailing, he would have murdered Rudra -
Without a doubt. A black monster ???? Shivering with fright.

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Originally Posted by USJ View Post
Dear Secretariat, Take a Bow! I am laughing uncontrollably sitting in my office cubicle
Honoured. Very kind thank you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dhanushmenon View Post
That was one hell of a hilarious post Secretariat. You really did liven up my day. Kudos and good job done.
I think it is safe to presume that all wives think so
Thank you. I might be your wife hiding under the pseudonym though !!

Quote:
Originally Posted by r_nairtvm View Post
Hi Secretariat,

If ever there is an award for the most hilarious post/thread - you would have won it hands down with this one post.

Ram
Much honoured Ram. Thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by suhas_raj View Post
Hilarious

I could have not chosen a better thread to respond as my first post on T-BHP.

You have left all of us in splits. Looking at me laughing at the screen, my wife is giving me the stares. I wonder what she makes of it. Keep writing mate, it was a welcome comic relief !
Totally thrilled to be the object of your first post. Wishing you many many posts and look forward to reading your own thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aargee View Post
On the other hand, if I happen to meet Mr Rudra Sen, I simply cannot Thank him enough for starting the detailing thread.
Now, that's the way to go. Hooray.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dionysus View Post
I am struggling with words here ! The post cracked me up propper Armed with the knowledge out of “A superb Car cleaning, polishing and detailing guide" enthused with the products acquired, I have travelled that path towards being a detailer and I hear you! Secretariat's articulation is genius.........atta boy
Very kind. Thank you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rudra Sen View Post
On my next visit to Bangalore I'll ensure we meet for sure, so that you can fulfill your desire.

Two mistakes were there from your side -

1. You should have checked (to know what it takes) with me before getting charged up after reading 8759 posts.
After all, I only started that thread, Isn't it?

2. You should have taken a BharatBenz 3123 truck (their fit and finish is way better than others) and started your automobile detailing journey.
After that, any other project would have been a cakewalk.


Excellent reading anyway. Just keep it up.

Touche. Honoured by the response from the master. Couldn't resist needling you, but I knew a classy response such as this was on the cards if it ever came to beeing seen by you.

But a Bharat Benz ???? really ??? Have some kindness on lesser mortals dear sir

Cannot even imagine the expertise to do what you do. In reality, so many of us BHPians, including me, bow to you.

Last edited by Samurai : 23rd August 2014 at 11:55. Reason: back-to-back posts
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Old 21st August 2014, 23:19   #47
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Default Re: Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!

Rise All! We have amidst us a Wordsmith of the highest order!

Incredibly writing style mate! Very Wodehousesque. Reminded me of his early school life writing work.

Absolutely hilarious and unfortunately every word of it is true. The bug bit me a couple of weeks back. A lovely Goan sunday morning was spent doing what I convinced myself was detailing. By the time I was through with the polishing and the tyres......Phew

Absolutely derided myself for stupidly diving headlong into depths best left for professionals. But then in the evening when I took her for a spin.. Ah! that was when every second spent and every muscle ache and twinge acquired in the process seems fully worth it.
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Old 22nd August 2014, 08:41   #48
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Default Re: Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!

A hilarious thread and the best compliment that I can give is that it reminds me of Sam Kapasi.. I am missing Sam even more after this thread :-(
Rated 5 stars..
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Old 22nd August 2014, 10:57   #49
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Default Re: Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!

@Secretariat Now that's some really hilarious stuff, right there!! I guess most of us on this forum have tried to be 'that you'. Keep 'em coming. Rated 5 stars.

For me, seeing my baby shining in all her glory, is worth those aches and pains.
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Old 22nd August 2014, 13:17   #50
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Default Re: Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!

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Originally Posted by Secretariat View Post
Now, that's the way to go. Hooray
Here's a sample of the work by a hobbyist, just hobbyist, no way closer to even enthusiast & forget alone professional!!

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/indian...ml#post3511784
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Old 22nd August 2014, 16:48   #51
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Default Re: Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!

That is one hilarious thread! I really like your analogies. I wonder how would @Rudrasen sir react to this.

I had started as a novice five months back and can relate to you completely. Over this period of time i haven't purchased a single t-shirt or even a comb but was investing into everything related to detailing. Starting from Microfibers to Pressure washers. Detailing would start as a hobby and will slowly turn into an obsession. One more penny and i will be kicked out of my house
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Old 22nd August 2014, 23:38   #52
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Default Re: Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!

Quote:
Originally Posted by vineshpikale View Post
Rise All! We have amidst us a Wordsmith of the highest order!

Incredibly writing style mate! Very Wodehousesque. Reminded me of his early school life writing work.
Totally undeserved but completely humbled that you mentioned the great man in the same sentence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackPearl View Post
A hilarious thread and the best compliment that I can give is that it reminds me of Sam Kapasi.. I am missing Sam even more after this thread :-(
Rated 5 stars..
Amen. I don't know Sam, but have read about him in this forum. Thanks for the compliment but I am not in the same league as him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaddyCrew View Post
@Secretariat Now that's some really hilarious stuff, right there!! I guess most of us on this forum have tried to be 'that you'. Keep 'em coming. Rated 5 stars.

For me, seeing my baby shining in all her glory, is worth those aches and pains.
Thanks. Yes, I know the feeling.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aargee View Post
Here's a sample of the work by a hobbyist, just hobbyist, no way closer to even enthusiast & forget alone professional!!
Saw the picture in the other thread - yes I do follow it !! You are a professional indeed and I tip my hat to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amarendranath View Post
Detailing would start as a hobby and will slowly turn into an obsession. One more penny and i will be kicked out of my house
So true. That's what passion is all about. If only they can instil it in the work place .
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Old 23rd August 2014, 11:44   #53
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Originally Posted by aargee View Post
Thanks for the lead. I called them and also read up review on this forum. They seem to be genuine and helpful, but the one thing I didn't like about them is their courier service. They use GATI and I have had a bad experience with them everytime a supplier chose them to deliver goods. They simply don't care about time and deliver as they see fit and convenient. I am going to contact Mohsin Khan from Ultimate Detailerz, since he seems to have a good setup now.
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Old 23rd August 2014, 12:37   #54
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Default Re: Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Secretariat View Post

I know all the jargon. You have to dress the tyres. You have to prep the paint. You have to buff in the end (that foxed me for a good while. I had thought that “buff” meant shedding of clothes and I was unclear how the gloss of the paint would improve if I stared into it in the nude). You can’t drop a clay bar. Water beads. Etc etc

So armed with all the knowledge and waving a piece of plastic, I acquired Jopasu Duster, Armor all Wash and Wax, Carpro Ironx , Elastrofoam Clay, Scholls A15 Polish, Scholls W6 crystal wax , Scholls neo, ONR Wash and Wax, Ultima Tire and Trim Guard Plus, Meguiar Gold Class Leather Cleaner, Collinite 845, Wash Mitts, Water Magnet, and 57 separate Micro Fibre cloths. For good measure, I also bought a suitcase (with wheels) to carry all this stuff.

There are 642 muscles in the human body. Every single one of them is aching as I lie prostrate on bed typing this post.

I guess I just wasn’t meant to be a detailer !

Hahahahahahahahaaaa I am literally ROFL . After so many days I have read such an article full of humour.

Now my 642 muscles are paining by reading again and again and laughing at jargons.

Too good secretariat, too good. I just don't have enough words to applaud you pal.
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Old 23rd August 2014, 12:49   #55
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Originally Posted by Chetan_Rao View Post
The Hanky-Panky thread was epic, not just for the OP but the responses. There were some 'death by ' ideas there.

Rudra isn't going to take this lying down now, is he?
Can you share the link to this thread please kindest sir? I looked everywhere, but it evades me. Reminds me of all the nubile nymphets I chased in my younger days...
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Old 23rd August 2014, 12:58   #56
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Originally Posted by TheLizardKing View Post
Can you share the link to this thread please kindest sir? I looked everywhere, but it evades me. Reminds me of all the nubile nymphets I chased in my younger days...
LK...I must say that was one hilarious thread. At times I feel sorry for the OP! Even the mods could not resist having some fun. And then there was the mighty Sam Kapasi, the laugh riot and an extra-ordinary story teller.

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/hatchb...uld-i-buy.html
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Old 23rd August 2014, 13:30   #57
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Originally Posted by saket77 View Post
LK...I must say that was one hilarious thread. At times I feel sorry for the OP! Even the mods could not resist having some fun. And then there was the mighty Sam Kapasi, the laugh riot and an extra-ordinary story teller.

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/hatchb...uld-i-buy.html
Oh my God. OH MY GOD! I have tears in my eyes from all the LOLing. It's a very old thread, so I'm not surprised that I didn't find it... The mods really went the whole nine yards. It must have been a much smaller forum then. it would be a great idea to chart the growth of out forum. I'm sure the membership numbers would be easily available. Mods?

Wish I could have met the Yeti once... :(
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Old 23rd August 2014, 19:58   #58
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Default Re: Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sudeepg View Post
I am going to contact Mohsin Khan from Ultimate Detailerz, since he seems to have a good setup now.
Mohsin doesn't stock Megs; His products are real expensive because they're meant for real professionals & not for "bacha log" like me.

But yes, I bought Ultima Waterless Wash+ just to see if there's anything better than ONR, from Mohsin. Needless to say, he beat all the competition out there. Ordered from Autotrends on a Wednesday, Autofresh on Thursday & from Mohsin on Friday...I got my product bang on Saturday from Mohsin!!

And about the Ultima Wash+...super brilliant product; better than standard ONR; but, I'm still confused as which one is better between ONR Wash & Wax or Ultima Wash+ :(
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Old 3rd May 2016, 22:48   #59
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Quite a late read, but none the less this is one of the most hilarious posts in team-bhp after the Hanky Panky one ! Scouring the innards of this giant forums has revealed a masterpiece in literature !
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Old 19th May 2016, 03:16   #60
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Default Re: Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!

I have read this post two years later. It has cracked me up. I absolutely cannot stop laughing as I remembered the horrors of trying to wax my car
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