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Old 20th April 2016, 13:41   #61
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

I can see that there is already a lot of advise from several of our esteemed members. One thing I would like to touch upon is the health aspect. I have learned that it takes me pretty much double the effort to stay somewhat fit compared to the effort I had to take in my 20's or early 30's.
I also read a good quote at the gym I visit which says " You do not stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing". This can be deciphered in so many ways and is probably apt for this thread/discussion.
You may have all the success and money but if you do not have the health/fitness to go with it, you are not going to enjoy it. It does not come that easy for most of us (40+ crowd) and takes some effort. I am stating the obvious and we all know these facts, yet how many of us do pay heed and take care? . Never let your health go the dogs...
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Old 20th April 2016, 14:11   #62
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaysmokesleaves View Post
Leaves - thats what its all about.
Take as many as you can and smoke them to the last damn minute.
Life happens in the gaps. Life is to be lived in the gaps. Dont fill those gaps with thoughts and plans.

In the end, its all about leaves. Take as many as you can and smoke them hard. Make them worthwhile.
I hope the meaning of 'leaves' is not misconstrued
Finally, i get to explain what i smoke
ha ha well old chap
we'll all take some "leaves" out of your books!

Last edited by Technocrat : 21st April 2016 at 21:28. Reason: edited quoted post, thanks
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Old 20th April 2016, 14:28   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noopster View Post
Went through the posts on this thread with far greater attention than one normally devotes to a Shifting Gears thread .
A big thanks for the long post with all the information, Noopster. Lovely to get such good advice from you experienced folks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by navin View Post

I have had a reasonably interesting life and I am happy I did. And looking back, the only credit I can give myself for any of this was the fact that I did not fear an opportunity. That's all. Others were smarter, more hard working, sharper, better looking, better diplomats, focused, etc... but some of them had fear, some greed, and some just went nuts. The ones that survived were lucky not to fall into those pits.
I'm envious of your life

Quote:
Originally Posted by ampere View Post
My take on 40s.

Two aspects: One : You know in your heart; your job is not the right one. And hence you start having more doubts about it as time goes. If you think you are in the right job half the problem solved!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_V View Post
Can I share my two cents, Im almost there I think one should keep options open than a corporate life.
Yes, I do look forward to starting up. I already get bored doing any actual work for the company. Not like any of my hard work is going to benefit me anyway. Since it's a chilled out place, most days I can get away by spending all my time on team-bhp

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nav-i-gator View Post
I am in my early 30's and mid way between where the OP is and where the other members he is referring to are. Let me add how things change mid way down the line.
Sharing a place with other bachelors, parties and the fun-filled life is an amazing phase. Sure, in retrospect, you may think you should have been a bit more responsible, but finally, no memories like the 20s.

Parents will do anything to get you to do as they wish, but marriage matters are something that has to be decided only by you. It's your life after all. It's you who will spend your life with your partner, not your parents. I'm really glad you stood by your gf.

Your post has really got me thinking about my long term goals. Thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mithrandir View Post
I must confess. I am not yet 40. I am in my early thirties. You will always do well when your passion becomes your profession. Wish you good luck
Yes, I'll definitely be pursuing my dreams in the bakery field. Thanks a lot for the kind words

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonSnow View Post
It's good that you are thinking of the future. I would only reiterate some of the points already made:

Do keep these things in mind because the years will pass by before you know it. Pink Floyd's lyrics come to mind:
I actually have noticed my money disappearing in the past 2 months I've been working. Planning to install a money tracker on my phone.
The health thing is something I've heard about a lot. Really need to take care on that aspect.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samurai View Post
There is no magic age if you service the body 3-4 times a week.
Yes, things are really different now. Also, the part about nothing preparing us for losing our previous generation is true. Comes as a shock and you've no idea how to handle it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isnescrpy View Post
I'm not in my 40s yet, just turned 30, but hear me out.

My 20s were an amazing journey.

Hope this helps.
It does indeed. Very sound advice there. I see my colleagues and friends blow off their money on the latest hi-tech device every 6 months...My INR 12k Moto G has been going strong for the past 1.5 years, and I've no reason to replace it for the next 3-4 years alteast, I'm sure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubbertramps View Post
Very good thread.

I am in my early thirties, and i did not save a penny before my wedding which happened 3 years back. Yet i did it. I made it.

So get out there, experiment, sweat it all out, most importantly discover yourself before you get the responsibilities.
Good to know you were able to make it, and also that you had the courage to do what others weren't doing and pursue your passions. At 40, if you can make time for your hobbies without worrying about money and career, I guess you're already ahead of the others.

Quote:
Originally Posted by anand_hc View Post

Good luck young man- u seem far mature than I was at your age
Thank you, I've heard that often.

OT: Glad to see this become a hot thread.
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Old 20th April 2016, 14:31   #64
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

Interesting thread, with many wise inputs from the 40+ folks. I just turned 41, and life has been good so far. A couple of things that I have decided to do regularly, is to pray to the superior power, and to exercise. I strive to live every day as it comes, and am trying to let the bygones be. Trying to make peace with myself, and enjoy life as it comes, thanking the almighty for the blessings bestowed. To be very frank, I feel the 40s are the best times yet, in my life.
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Old 20th April 2016, 15:12   #65
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RonXRi94 View Post
I'm envious of your life .
Don't be. It is futile to compare one's life with another's. Just try and grab every opportunity that comes your way. I might have grabbed only about 1/3 of them and missed 2/3 (I don't know I never really did the maths).

I could say I envy all those in their 20s who have so much to look forward to.
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Old 20th April 2016, 16:54   #66
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

Since this is a free-flowing conversation, I'll bring in two very interesting articles that a lot of you might want to read. Given that they are based on collective experience of many people, it should resonate with each one of you.

http://markmanson.net/surviving-my-20s

http://markmanson.net/10-life-lessons-excel-30s

The second one particularly resonated with me since I am bang in the middle of the 30s!

All said and done, no regrets is what you should feel at all stages of your life!

Cheers,
Adi
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Old 20th April 2016, 16:57   #67
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

Quite nice a thread.

Coincidentally, I turned 43 today (Four days elder to the God of cricket!)
A great day to introspect oneís feelings, I guess. The best thing that happened to me, when, some six years ago, my wife forced me to learn driving. That too at the ripe age of 37, when usually people decide itís too late to learn driving.

Till then, I have had a very bitter experience with all things automobiles. Had tried to get a driving licence in Dubai. Went for proper training and gave two tests. Failed royally. Could never tell between a BMW and Merc. Used to keep quiet when friends and colleagues talk about vehicles.

Thatís when I landed in Ahmedabad and commuting became a pain due to lack of proper public transport, especially due to my odd working hours. During my first Diwali here, I was stuck at home, couldnít go anywhere because there was no vehicle available. Felt miserable, with wife and kids all dressed up and nowhere to go.

Enrolled at a driving school. That was mostly time pass. I could neither start off decently nor could I control the vehicle properly. Nevertheless, gave test and got the licence (RTO zindabad). Immediately went and booked an Alto K10. I had heard about this vehicle during a discussion among friends. So there were no enquiries, no bargaining, no test drives etc. Never knew team bhp existed then.

Bought the vehicle. Took a friendís help to bring it home and got it parked in the allotted space. And the vehicle stayed there for many days. Wife started pestering again. So, initially I attempted to drive at night, past midnight when there was minimal traffic on roads. And, after a few months took another friendís help to take the vehicle to office and at midnight, I drove back.

That was six years ago. Now I have two vehicles. Have started looking for a new set of wheels.

In other matters, life has been a mixed bag. I am doing fine financially (that doesnít mean I am getting richer by the day), responsibilities are increasing, parents are getting older, kids are growing up, and bills are increasing. Such things have more or less become monotonous.

What breaks the monotony is vehicles, team bhp and the long drives. You hit the road and there is a new life and people at every turn. Most recently went to Goa, covered some 2600 km in about 10 days.

If there is something that changed my life in the past ten years, I would say it was my decision (or rather my wifeís decision to push me) to learn driving. It was definitely not love at first sight; it took me time to love my drive. But I now enjoy it.
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Old 20th April 2016, 17:07   #68
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

This is a nice thread indeed. While many in their 40's have shared some wonderful thoughts, I wanted to share some of my own..

I am in my early 40's and have been the typical Engineering graduate passed out in 90's , doing the typical IT job , with all abroad assignments and with a Land purchased at the "right" time in Bangalore and built a house in those affordable days. It has been a very good journey and indeed something to cherish.

40's is the age when you start seeing clarity in life and balance in your approach. No doubt you will have all the pressures in life of job, responsibilities etc, But, You will start seeing your work life differently, and you will start accepting many things relatively easy as compared to couple of decades ago. This is also the age when you will get lot of questions also known as mid-life crisis , like "searching" what makes you happy, how long you want to work, can you give back to society etc.

Some "free" suggestions;

1. Since the new age kids have lot of partying, eating out, drinking habits etc, while you enjoy all that, make sure you invest at least one hour a day for your health. This will have long term effects and you will feel very well in your 40's

2. Regardless of whether you have financial obligations or not, get in to the habit of "saving for future". This goes a long way in planning your life confidently.

3. Always work on constantly enhancing your skills, be it soft skills,or your domain skills etc. This will always position you better in your work life, regardless of industry churns

Good luck!
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Old 20th April 2016, 17:11   #69
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

I had never worried about agae, but when I was 29 I got really hung up thinking I was about to be 30. On my 30th birthday, I realised how stupid that attitude was, and haven't much worried about it.

Now I am more than twice that age, and my forties seems like a long time ago. 39 was marked by the final, irrevocable decision to give up smoking: to be a non-smoker by my 40th birthday. I was, and have been ever since. I still needed some heavy chest surgery to fix a chest problem, but once fixed, it stayed fixed. There are times when surgery is just wonderful!

So, I don't worry too much about the numbers or the days, but I did celebrate 60 in style by sponsoring a concert.

Yes, 40-50 doesn't only seem like a lifetime ago, it is.

During my 40s I worked for a small London branch of a massive Japanese insurance company.

During my 40s I got more and more into listening to Indian (especially Southern) classical music.

During my 40s I paid my first visit to India.

During my 40s I did some music learning, and also had the pleasure of experiencing childhood again. There were three of us that played carnatic percussion together regularly: they were 11 and I acted as if I was. Hey, one of those guys is a doctor now!
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Old 20th April 2016, 21:06   #70
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

What an interesting thread.

I read all the responses above at one go with lot of interest. Thanks to the person who started this discussion.

I am nearing forty and have only below advice to those who are around 20 year old:

1. Spend less time on Whatsapp, Facebook, and other social media. You may have 300+ friends on facebook but they are NOT real friends.
2. Do not take and post selfie... nobody is concerned about where are you right now. (do not take pride in getting 100 likes on your latest social media post.
3. Go out. Feel the fresh air. Chase your passions. Meet people in real world and not virtually.

Thanks,
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Old 20th April 2016, 21:24   #71
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sreepathy View Post
Quite nice a thread.

Coincidentally, I turned 43 today (Four days elder to the God of cricket!)
A great day to introspect one’s feelings, I guess. The best thing that happened to me, when, some six years ago, my wife forced me to learn driving. That too at the ripe age of 37, when usually people decide it’s too late to learn driving.
Do not think that 37 as a ripe age. Then what about me who learnt it at the age of 45?

Regarding the subject matter of this thread, the most important point in your 40'sis the effort you have to take mentally and physically to get your body the needed exercise- It is of paramount importance. I know that because I find it really difficult to motivate myself to go even for 30 minute walk! But will come out of it

Last edited by noopster : 20th April 2016 at 22:38. Reason: Please do not type in bold
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Old 20th April 2016, 21:52   #72
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

The 40s ain't that bad.

Two things that changed in my late 30s ( I'll be 43 soon);

1. Attitude towards life.
Earlier I used to hope and pray that every thing goes well.
Now I pray for the strength to overcome or face what might hit me.
You realize that you can't be happy all the time, every time.
Lady luck will visit you only occasionally. She is a very distant relative.

2. Attitude towards finances. (Especially if you're married by now)
Those fancy gadgets that you would have bought without a blink of an eye
earlier, now seem not that necessary.
Now its' more of "how much can I save?", vis a vis, "how much can I
spend?"

In my 20s, I dreamed of being in the position and situation I am now in.
Now that I am here, I don't feel that much of a sense of achievement. Perhaps because I don't reflect upon it much. The progress was slow and over many years of hard work and sleepless nights. It was not a quantum leap, so to speak. There was no magical 'hurrah I made it' moment. (This is leaving aside academic achievements of course)

My advise to you (as many others have already said so eloquently), is to do the things you wanted to do. I hope your job in the IT sector is what you like. There is nothing greater than being in a job you love. It ceases to be a 'job' anymore. You're just doing what you love to do day in and day out. In such a situation, you almost always do well.

Keep your expectations moderate. Leave some leeway for failure and some space for success. Accept both with modesty.

At your age, try to pursue hobbies - learn to play the guitar, go on a hiking trip, take up martial arts, go to the gym; whatever catches your fancy. After a certain age, your body will stop accepting these rigors as well as they did when you were younger.

"Don't Worry, be Happy!"
Bobby McFerrin's song more or less sums it up.
I've already lost five of my batch-mates to cardiac arrest. They all had pretty stable well-to-do lives. Three of them were physically very fit too. But they all had work pressures. They were all in the medical field like me. And there is no scarcity of pressures in this profession.
If you feel your job is getting to you, its' time to quit. Just be smart and have alternatives ready before you put in your papers. Peace of mind should take priority over the dollars.
Find time to exercise now. It should be a habit by the time you're 40. You're no good to your family dead!

Don't ever equate yourself to others. Don't measure success with money. Your friend may have a million dollars in the bank but no time to spend it. You may have 'only'a hundred thousand. But you can take the weekend off, or go on a tour when you feel like it. Who's successful here? Go figure !
A positive attitude to a seemingly negative situation will keep you happier and more content.
Stay clear of people who affect you negatively.

Time flies really fast.
You'll soon find, the 40s really ain't that bad!

Heres' wishing you a Happy Life ahead with more Happy threads on Team BHP!
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Old 21st April 2016, 01:48   #73
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

I'm not yet 40. In my early thirties, but circumstances forced me to develop matured thinking and planning. I lost my mother at the age of 26. And my father by 29. The biggest regrets of my life. Thankfully I had decided to come back to my native place and live with my father in 2010- a decision for which many criticised me for leaving a decent job at Delhi & just when my career was picking up. But I'm glad that I did it. I could live with my father for the last 2 years of his life everyday which no money could have bought. I can only say to my friends that priorities are different for each. I lost him to cancer just a month before my scheduled marriage.

On the career front, when I came back to Ranchi, I was prepared to compromise with my career because those in my life mattered much more. Thankfully I have a very understanding wife who in fact has had a much better academic record than me and yet stood behind every key decision I made. We knew each other for 6 years before marriage if anyone was curious to know. Currently I am doing just okay on the financial front as I don't have to pay the rent. We closed our home loan about a couple of years ago and thankfully living a debt free life which really helps us save despite what I'll call just a decent salary for a small place like Ranchi. I don't have a big dream, in fact I prefer to live a simple and peaceful life and that's what makes me happy. Again, to each his own.

By the mid forties or by 50, I plan to build up a steady fixed income source so as to be financially secure and so that I can take it easy in the later years. I am taking life not looking at my 60s but rather looking it in short spans and that has helped not take too much stress financially. Definitely a calculated long term plan is there but not that I'm living just for it. Just trying to strike a balance between living it today and saving for tomorrow.

My advice will always be to start investing early, even if little but cultivate that habbit. Invest in mutual funds if you don't have much idea of direct equities, or even build small FDs and forget about them for years. you will be amazed that how even a small investment can grow to help you achieve some of your financial needs just when you need it later. And understand finance. That's a beautiful subject which not only helps in your professional life but also it's understanding is a big boon in your own personal life in making financial decisions.

Regarding the other practical aspects, I will touch upon this thread again when I get really into the forties
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Old 21st April 2016, 07:48   #74
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

Quote:
Originally Posted by RonXRi94 View Post
I'm a 21 year old guy...
Great discussion!

A couple of things I can add:
1) When you grow thru your 20s and 30s and become more successful, donít lose the humour and child within you.
2) Donít lose the ability to listen. This is the age you can absorb a lot of things from the people around you Ė from your work, travels etc.

And donít worry too much about how it will be in the 40s and 50s; after all 40 is the new 20 (and I am 19!)
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Old 21st April 2016, 09:04   #75
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At 40, you are again at the cross roads of life, wondering if you are really doing it right? Is this what you want? What do you do next to get what you want. Similar to 20, when you are wondering about your future and where it will take you. Good thing about 40s is that it gives you an opportunity for course correction

Having said, don't worry about 40 now. Enjoy your 20
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