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Old 26th April 2016, 14:52   #106
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

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Originally Posted by RonXRi94 View Post
I'm a 21 year old guy, just graduated.....
I would like to tell a story of an old man from my ancestral village. His name is Veeraiah and he was an agricultural labourer. In 1964 (the year I was born), there was blood in his sputum and he was diagnosed with some sort of cancer, I don't know which. The doctors suggested treatment in Hyderabad without which he would die in a matter of months. Being poor, he couldn't afford the treatment in Hyderabad. He just accepted his lot and decided to enjoy the reminder of his life. He chose to live until death actually comes to him. He stopped doing his regular work. He just goes around the village hailing everyone, making faces at the kids and patting the heads of stray dogs and cattle. This doesn't mean he turned into a lazy bum. He would help out anyone who needs a hand. He became the de facto village helper and odd job man. He never asked for money for the work he did. If people gave him any money, he would buy himself some toddy or some local brew, but he was never addicted. People would feed him well. He became a fixture in every function of every family in the village. He would work like a bull and at the end of the day, he would eat like one.
The few months that doctors gave him turned into years and years turned into decades. Now I am 52 and he must be 75+. He is still strong as an ox and takes on tasks that men who are younger than him by a few decades could never do. He still goes around the village most of the days hailing and joking and petting. Even today you can see a couple of strays and a few kids following him around in merriment and mirth. There will be smiles on the faces and joy in the air when he is around. He never married and he doesn't have any family that I know of. But he is the heart and soul of the village.

I consider that a successful life. It might be a mistaken diagnosis that started his transformation, but everyone in the village believes that he is a blessed one. I believe that Veeraiah achieved success by accepting his lot and choosing life. The 20's is the best time to choose life. Stop worrying and start living.
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Old 26th April 2016, 16:17   #107
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

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I would like to tell a story of an old man from my ancestral village. His name is Veeraiah and he was an agricultural labourer. In 1964 (the year I was born), td success by accepting his lot and choosing life. The 20's is the best time to choose life. Stop worrying and start living.
Nice Story.

The trouble with most of us in life is that we are like that Barber in the old story of the King and the Barber and the Seven Pots of Gold.

The Seventh Pot of Gold, which signifies "Desire", is one that can never be filled to the brim. And most of us right now, are in some sense, seeking to fill that Seventh Pot, in our daily lives, by doing our Daily Work...

I think Veeraiah left that Seventh Pot well alone and that's why he lives happily and well.

Contentment. Thats the Key!
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Old 26th April 2016, 16:31   #108
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RonXri94, you really started something with this thread! The collective wisdom of the 40-somethings has been pouring in and this should be a great lamp-lighter for the path ahead for all you 20-somethings. I must confess that as a 60-something, I feel like that guy who has just seen the bus running away from him! I'm sure there's something I too can contribute, tho' for the life of me, I don't know what!

Last edited by shashanka : 26th April 2016 at 16:37.
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Old 28th April 2016, 16:21   #109
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Thanks RonXri94 for initiating this thread. I stumbled upon it today and went through the whole thread in one shot. Being in the age group to whom you have sought the advice on, here is my take.

Like Samurai and others mentioned, we have see the pre-liberalization era closely and choice was limited. We were not unhappy as we did not know about choices. Apart from what other mentioned, my family also had the misfortune of suffering the partition, where the entire family had to move from East Bengal (as it became East Pakistan and then Bangladesh) to Kolkata and start from scratch almost. My previous generations bore that hardship in whose comparison most probably mine will be much paler.

I was not a bad student, and post 12th I could crack almost all the competitive exams (medicine was not my choice and opted out of biology in favour of statisitcs post 10 itself) - IIT, Roorkee (they had different entrance exam), WB State Joint, ISI. Chose to go for Electronics & Telecomm in Jadavpur University, best in the state over other stream of engineering in IITs or B. Stat in ISI (naivety, may be).

Post engineering, didn't attend few of the campus placements as didn't want to go in the IT service and joined a telecomm product company. However as the fate turned spent most part of my career in IT service industry. While most of my friends were pushed to onsite opportunities, I resisted long term onsite and opted for only short terms. Now this has brought me to somewhere in a mid management position in the industry. Not so bad, huh.

Money - There are plenty who said invest early. I have not done any planned investment, but haven't splurge also any where (I guess who have seen those hardship, may know the value of money anyway). Last 2-3 years I have started managing my savings more effectively.

Health - I used to play regularly till my class 11th. During college days, daily commute in Kolkata bus/train was enough exercise. I still remember my weight was 57 kgs when I joined my first job. Over the years I have not done any regular exercise. May be I will start some day. I weigh 90 kgs now, few days back doctor advised to shed 10 kgs

Relationships - I am an introvert and not very good at small talks. Also pretty lethargic to initiate a conversation, so I do not actively cultivate relationships. But typically it is deep and genuine and hence blessed to have very good friends and family support.

Work - There are few lucky ones who do what they love, then there are people who love what they do. I was neither of them, and then started doing what I would love to do, in addition to the job which provides me the food on the table.

So you can see that of the advises which you have got in the thread, I have not followed most of them, and still satisfied. It's just different way to go around most probably - will you to like to keep a goal and sprint towards that or keep a direction and let life take you there.

May be its the journey that is important and not the destination.
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Old 4th May 2016, 12:23   #110
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

Wow quite a few interesting comments from my fellow 40 some-things. Well I am in my early 40's, contented with my life, don't like to compare myself with others since that will only make me feel low. So I feel contented with what I have.

Now coming to the topic, let me list down my life journey:

- 20's studying for my CA took most part of that decade, lived a care fee life
- 30's got married had my only child & both these instances gave me some solidity on my life path. Started saving earnestly to build a corpus for future.
- 40's Now that I am reasonably settled on career and home front, I am more in command of my life.

My advice to the originator of this interesting thread will be as under:
* Enjoy your life now but don't go overboard
* Start saving early, believe me the power of compounding will leave you with a big fortune by the time you reach my age!!
* Exercise regularly because this will help you stay fit, look good and delay the onset of any lifestyle ailments which is becoming common amongst India's urban middle class.
* Chase your dreams early because once the rat race sets in it may become difficult to chase them!!!

Thank you for bearing with me.
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Old 7th September 2016, 16:57   #111
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

This beautiful post MUST be a part of this thread as well.

Lovely words, which I hope everyone reads and understands:

Quote:
Originally Posted by aargee View Post
Super brilliant thoughts Sir

After quitting a job that paid nearly 1.5:1 more than a decade ago from one of the top 3 IT firm, I realized...

Money isn't everything; even if you've to struggle for your next meal...still...money isn't everything in life. The only difference money makes is...crying on your partner's shoulder versus crying on an Italian leather couch; crying is still inevitable, just that the duration & frequency varies.

Ever since I learned that, I learned few simple lessons on money just through experience, such as...
- Saving money
- Cutting down expenses & still lead comfortable life
- Differentiating between the expenditure for needs & wants
- Most importantly, how to control my life with whatever I make

Once I learned the above, I was surprised to see I didn't need a hefty paycheck every month. I was least bothered about what my friends make; didn't care what position they hold; I was only concerned what I do with what I make & whether or not it contributes to mine & my family's happiness.

Anyway to focus on this subject, with several hardships I learned through experience that a good work life balance PLUS doing what you like will keep anyone happy in a long run. Money can give an initial splurge of happiness, but will drain your energy even if you do what you like to do. At the same time, a good work life balance PLUS doing something that's not your primary skills will still keep us running, just that we will try & find alternatives, but certainly not lead to energy drain or burst out.
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Old 8th September 2016, 01:37   #112
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

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This beautiful post MUST be a part of this thread as well.

Lovely words, which I hope everyone reads and understands:
Wow!! Its such a simple thing, didn't know it will get your attention I hope it inspires you & many others here. Thanks for quoting it here
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Old 8th September 2016, 09:16   #113
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

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Originally Posted by aargee View Post
Wow!! Its such a simple thing....I hope it inspires you & many others here. Thanks for quoting it here
Thanks aargee! Yep. It is really worth quoting and it is NOT simple It may sound simple, but to live this one need to shed a lot of preconceived notions, et.all ! Since there is no "Thanks" button in this thread, I'm thanking you by this post!

Last edited by haria : 8th September 2016 at 09:18.
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Old 8th September 2016, 09:56   #114
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

I am in to my early 40s. My focus is on saving money for my kids education, their lifestyle etc. to name a few. As far as I am concerned, my focus is on keeping myself healthy, avoid undue stress, visit my parents along with my family whenever time permits and spend time with my family.
I have sufficient clothing to wear, so I do not feel the necessity to spend money on clothes and other electronic gadgets. I am not trying to be a recluse but at the same time, not spending too much on myself
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Old 8th September 2016, 10:58   #115
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

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On Money
1. Money = Options.

On Attitude
7. Always be the best read, best dressed, politest, most positive person you know. I was blessed with great role models to observe and emulate early in my career Ė JRD and RNT


10. How to acquire great taste? Read, observe, copy and experiment until you distill taste that fits you like an old, well crafted, well cared for leather shoe.

11. Be likable. Smile and laugh a lot. Compliment people when you can. Bring candy. Listen genuinely, question sincerely. Make people feel like you are old friends in your company. Look people in the eye and tell them what needs to be told without bitterness when the occasion demands.
Impressive pearls of distilled Wisdom.
Remarkable thread. I wish I was young when I read so many positive messages.
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Old 17th September 2016, 18:03   #116
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

How to curb this feeling that being in IT sector, I am not getting onsite opportunities in my 20s so that I may live a bit comfortably in my 40s with a bit of extra money that people usually earn while working onsite!

Many of my colleagues who started their career in IT along with me are roaming U.K., USA and Europe while I am thinking about my 40s in my mid 20s
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Old 17th September 2016, 18:24   #117
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The 40's are crazy. One goes into the mid life crisis. Most of my friend are buying themselves fancy wheels like Beemers and Mercs and all the rest of it. Some are getting into Motorbiking again after a gap of 20 years and are re starting their biking madness with Harleys and Triumphs and all that.

Me, I m not in the same league at all. So I am amusing myself by taking short fast 5-6 day holidays with my wife, to nice interesting historical places and places of Ancient Civilisations across the World, starting with the Middle East and the "Holy Land" of Biblical fame, which I have read about all my life and always wanted to see.

The other madness that has come upon me, is this strong and uncontrollable urge to go and find and buy an Old Used Gypsy King, which I want as my own personal and private weekend and project/ hobby vehicle. Since I can't afford all the fancy brands and wouldn't buy them at their India prices even if I could afford them, this is the next best way to vent the Automotive Craze which is deep in my blood.

So the point of all this ranting is, that life takes you in funny ways in your 40's. Must be something to do with the way the chemical balances in the brain are configured. Where women start entering menopausal state in their mid 40's and early 50's, men then, become throwbacks to their younger, freer days as College Boys or start behaving the way they used to, in their '20's when their whole lives lay before them!

It is probably something to do with the brain saying that you're running out of time buddy, so you better do all the stuff you dreamed of, before it is too late!
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Old 19th September 2016, 14:55   #118
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Not sure if my post would be considered imprudent or not, but in many posts about 40-50s, midlife "crisis" etc, I come across "born again", relive passions, satiated, bored etc.

What happens to the relationship between the spouses? ... and what about (possible) relationship(s) outside.
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Old 20th September 2016, 05:51   #119
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Default Re: Life in your 40s

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Originally Posted by bluevolt View Post
How to curb this feeling that being in IT sector, I am not getting onsite opportunities in my 20s so that I may live a bit comfortably in my 40s with a bit of extra money that people usually earn while working onsite!

Many of my colleagues who started their career in IT along with me are roaming U.K., USA and Europe while I am thinking about my 40s in my mid 20s
From what I have seen, the folks who go onsite with the sole aim of saving money do not really enjoy their 20's and 30's. Living in a shared accommodation having bread/dal-chawal three times a day and penny pinching is not a way to spend the prime of your life.

And for living comfortably in your 40s you don't need to go onsite my friend. You have plenty of opportunities even here. I am in my early 30's, have never been onsite (other than short trips), work in the IT and I believe I am not doing too bad financially. If nothing unfortunate happens, my house would be paid for by the time I reach 40 and I would be able to afford a good car and/or vacations to exotic places. And I am not alone, there are many friends and colleagues who are in the similar position. So don't worry and enjoy life along with focusing on your career.
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Old 20th September 2016, 06:55   #120
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Firstly, extraordinary wisdom in asking the question.
6. The stupidest thing to do with money is to spend money you donít have to buy things that you donít really want, to impress people who really donít give a ratís patootie. Debt is OK for buying stuff that generates wealth or sometimes for really big purchases like a house. For everything else, earn before you spend.


11. Be likable. Smile and laugh a lot. Compliment people when you can. Bring candy. Listen genuinely, question sincerely. Make people feel like you are old friends in your company. Look people in the eye and tell them what needs to be told without bitterness when the occasion demands.
Ferruccio - your post is probably the wisest and nicest I ve read in a long time.
The quintessence of good manners and good living...like in the movie Kingsman - "Manners Maketh Man".

I appreciate this greatly and whether one succeeds or not, what you've written down in your post, are points very well worth emulating.

Thanks!
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