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Old 25th April 2017, 15:52   #1
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Default Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

Did you see the news item about a flying car, revealed by Kitty Hawk, a Silicon Valley startup funded by Google's founder, Larry Page ? If you didn't , I'm sure there's a thread on it started by the alert (and not working at office) BHPian somewhere ; if not just go to YouTube.

I now petition Kitty Hawk that the best place in the world to launch it first would be Bangalore. Everybody knows that a basic version of this already exists in the wonderful city's roads , for after all, a two wheeler can come from all 360 degrees to dent your car even today. But passing over that lightly, let's examine how and why this would be a major hit in Bangalore.

Everybody who works in the world famous Ecospace building would buy it immediately. The app that shows current moving time between parking lot and the gate (45 mts) will become obsolete. With a flying car, the IT guy will simply jump out of his office window in it and zoom away. Similarly IT types in cubby holes in every other monstrosity - Maanyata, ITPL, Bagmane in that order - are enough to ensure that Kitty Hawk's order book for the next 10 years is filled up.

Two wheeler riders of Bangalore migrating to the flying car are likely to be confused initially as they are genetically programmed only to ride on the pavement or on the wrong side of the road. They will need some significant retraining to take to this new vehicle. Two wheeler riders are also currently used to taking the wife and both kids along with them. It is unclear from the prototype of the flying car as to where the two kids can be placed. Perhaps they can be made to hang from the wings. There is no safety worry - in Bangalore, even babies are trained from birth on how to hang on while on a two wheeler

The famous cab drivers of Bangalore will be the world's best drivers on this car, as they have considerable practice in ducking and weaving and zooming. So the maneuvers required of a flying car come to them naturally. They will also be doing a massive public service. As they are used to constant honking, they will take this practice to the air and thereby drive off all the pigeons who currently infest every apartment building.

One of the greatest features of this car appears to be that it can instantly stop and hover in a particular spot. This will be very useful to BMTC drivers who like to stop in the middle of the road in an instant, if the fancy hits them.

There is one problem however. In Bangalore, every type of cable - be it electricity,TV or internet cable dangles about 2 mtrs above every public space. Kitty Hawk will have to design the car such that it can take off and land passing through the 1 nanometer space available between the cables. In this they will be greatly aided by the dodging powers of the legendary cab driver of Bangalore.

We have one of the most proactive governments in the world. They will instantly build KR Puram, Silk Board and Graphite junctions in the air so that Bangaloreans on flying cars would not be deprived of the unique experiences to be had at the aforementioned places. They will also ensure that enough airpockets are released into the atmosphere so that Bangaloreans will not get sick from a smooth ride - their bodies having being conditioned to the soothing effects of pot holes.

A design suggestion for Kitty Hawk would be to provide a glass panel whereby owners can paint or affix stickers saying Bhuvaneswari , Parthiban and Rajasekhar (please note that these will be written in Kannada and therefore will require some additional lateral space).They should also provide a space to affix team-BHP stickers (new "Live to Fly" stickers coming up in 15 days; GTO is currently designing them)

Drivers will have to adjust their perception of tree branches. Today, the sight of a tree branch on the road means a vehicle has broken down and a twig and some leaves have been lodged in a crack to warn others of this fact. From the flying car, a branch and leaves may be safely taken to be on a living tree.

I am not sure of the impact these cars will have on the traffic cops of Bangalore. Perhaps they can climb trees and tow away the flying cars that have been parked on every branch - the ex two wheeler driver being an expert at parking his vehicle on any vacant area in any terrain.

What I am not clear is how two drivers who have banged each other will fight. Current practice, which is almost a holy covenant is that you stop right there, get out and hurl the choicest abuse on the other guy. You cannot move even 1 mtr from the spot (ie move to the side of the road) before fighting. How this will be done mid air in the future scenario requires deep thought.

We can assure Kitty Hawk that one of the Mods will review the flying car and write a New Car Review on Team BHP which will instantly get 1,46,532 views. In the "What you will not like" section, we promise you that we will state only two things - The tail lamps must be wider as the rear look is boring and tyres are skinny and will need to be upgraded.

All in all, Kitty Hawk must simply relocate to Bangalore and start here. In any case the CEO is probably Arvindkatakshan Ramasubramaniam, who originally went from here. Welcome home, Sir !


PS : BHPians are requested to add their reasons why Bangalore should be the launchpad so that Kitty Hawk is thoroughly convinced.
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Old 26th April 2017, 09:34   #2
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Default Re: The Flying Car must first be launched in Bangalore

Quote:
Originally Posted by Secretariat View Post
I now petition Kitty Hawk that the best place in the world to launch it first would be Bangalore. ....

All in all, Kitty Hawk must simply relocate to Bangalore and start here. In any case the CEO is probably Arvindkatakshan Ramasubramaniam, who originally went from here. Welcome home, Sir !
Thank you sir. You made my day ! Satire at its best - secretariat

Last edited by Prowler : 26th April 2017 at 09:36.
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Old 26th April 2017, 10:12   #3
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

Thanks for sharing, Secretariat! Moving your post into its own thread .

For those who have missed your earlier gem, here's the link (Confessions of a novice trying to imitate a Detailer!).
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Old 26th April 2017, 10:45   #4
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

With all due respect, I disagree.

All those scientifically designed road humps on our streets will remain unutilized if everybody takes to wings. Also, it will be a hassle for flyers to land first and fill up their buckets from the mini-water reservoirs (disparagingly called as potholes by some ungrateful BHPians).

Moreover, there are a couple of research reports that have concluded that driving/riding over these road humps and potholes aid digestion and reduce constipation.
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Old 26th April 2017, 13:11   #5
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

Honoured that this has been moved to a thread of its own. High honour for ramblings on a lazy afternoon !

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prowler View Post
Thank you sir. You made my day ! Satire at its best - secretariat
Thanks very much

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With all due respect, I disagree.
What a riposte. Simply brilliant. I entirely agree on the medicinal effects of the Bangalore roads. You could also add cure for back pain !
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Old 26th April 2017, 13:36   #6
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

Awesome read for the morning! After reading the news and this post, I could not help but relate to the cartoon , Jetsons.

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Old 27th April 2017, 12:06   #7
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

[QUOTE Attachment 1633474[/quote]

The cartoon needs few changes. We are not programmed to follow lane discipline! When the entire sky is our limit why would we have to go in a specific paths Few years down the lane we may have traffic signals and flying management sessions
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Old 27th April 2017, 12:21   #8
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

In addition, the "snow" covered views over Bellandur/Varthur lake that Kitty hawk will provide will be just wow!. And one can even fly low to touch/play with "snow" while inhaling and purifying lungs with air emanating from the lake. Such exciting and refreshing experience (in addition to usual benefits of salubrious weather) while commuting to & fro work will simply blow away the competition if any
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Old 27th April 2017, 13:10   #9
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

Ha ha!

What fun!

An amazingly humorous thread indeed!

One more reason - This man Arvindkatakshan can contribute to the world of sport and start a whole new IQL League! - INDIA QUIDDITCH LEAGUE. With a Flying car like the KittyHawk Bangalore can become the World HQ of Quidditch.
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Old 27th April 2017, 13:35   #10
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

Quote:
Originally Posted by Secretariat View Post
In the "What you will not like" section, we promise you that we will state only two things - The tail lamps must be wider as the rear look is boring and tyres are skinny and will need to be upgraded.

[/i]
Very well written Secretariat.
But you forgot one thing

Going by what i have observed here in 10 + years, even before the official review is out, a new thread will be started by someone on team-bhp which will be

Kitty hawk:Tyre & Wheel Upgrade Thread

P.S. If they have a local manufacturing partner like Mahindra /Tata, Expect this thread also
Kitty hawk:Niggles & solutions Thread
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Old 27th April 2017, 13:43   #11
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

dude.. how can you forget our famous auto drivers. I believe, more than the cabbies they are the ones who will be best at this new job venture. although, they will still continue to say NO to where you want to go, I believe these flying cars in Bangalore wouldn't be successful without them.
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Old 27th April 2017, 13:44   #12
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

Hahaha !! This is hilarious.

Adding one from my side.

You get into your Kitty Hawk, turn on google maps to see the ideal route home and you hear a familiar voice say - You are on the fastest route despite usual traffic. You should reach your destination by 6:52 PM

You , your Kitty Hawk crashes and passers by
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Old 27th April 2017, 15:05   #13
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

There will be new premium apartment builders starting ventures designed around the flying car

Sobha Flyers' paradise,
Mantri Hawk eye,
Prestige Kitty Pavilion,
Total Environment Let's fly into the high cloud nine

The apartment brochures will advertise features like "exclusive flying car parking space for individual homes right on the balcony".
Sale agreements will say undivided Air share of xxx squarefeet per house.
Maintenance charges will increase proportionally though...rather unfortunate!

Next...We will have small jetpacks made by Engineering students for their college projects purchased by road side vendors. When you are waiting at the red light at one of those mid-air traffic signals, They'll come to your window mid-air and sell flags on Jan26 and Aug15, Toys, ear buds and car accessories like bird deflectors for car(while flying that is the equivalent of street dogs and cows after all). This way, Kitty Hawk will give employment to so many other people. So it's one more good reason to start in Bengaluru
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Old 27th April 2017, 15:52   #14
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

Please stop. A man can only take so much. The snow jokes, digestion techniques, tyre upgrade thread, real estate twists have made me sick in the stomach and people are walking into my cabin to check if I am ok after all that ROFLing and LMFAOing. Please treat this as a sincere request.
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Old 27th April 2017, 17:58   #15
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Default Re: Why I think the Flying Car should debut in Bangalore

Quote:
Originally Posted by Secretariat View Post
What I am not clear is how two drivers who have banged each other will fight.
PS : BHPians are requested to add their reasons why Bangalore should be the launchpad so that Kitty Hawk is thoroughly convinced.
Bengaluru is an excellent place to launch Kitty Hawk as this will attract all the hollywood and bollywood film makers here. Some examples are:
  • People dropping from air along with their Kitty (which was a) Hawk as this city is famous for dual way traffic even in service lanes. On land people can see each other in air it will be bang and thud. No fights either. Great shot(s) as well.
  • People fertilizing from their Kitty (comedy films) as they are used to now, by parking their vehicle on side of road and adding urea to soil to make it fertile. This will also lead to uniform urea distribution. Hope BBMP comes up with designated air markers to avoid human fertilization.
  • People talking on phone with one hand and working on laptop with another and driving their kitty with legs as no hand is required to balance the vehicle. Bengaluru will have the most productive population in the world. Great Sci-fi flicks.
  • Kitty Hawk will remove the shortage of fighter pilots in our country. As very soon people will decorate their kitty with disco headlights, F1 style flickering tail lights , high tone wind trumpets and coupled with commercial Kitty cabs it will be a natural training ground for fighter pilots. Great thriller moves!
  • Amateurs will become consultants to busy Indian airports for multiple landings at same time with a distance of inch between each plane. They will also review the parking hangars and teach the art of stuffing sorry parking 3 planes in the space of 2.

Last edited by PraNeel : 27th April 2017 at 18:04.
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