| || ||Thread Tools||Search this Thread|
|15th February 2007, 13:30||#1756|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Mar 2005
Thanked: 1,475 Times
I went to a couple of car dealerships last week, and the first one I stopped at was Kia, well nothing caught my eye, but the price was right.
Then I went to a Ford dealer, again nothing really caught my eye, but I looked anyway.
Then I go to the Chevy dealer, well I see one that I like, the dealer does the once over with me, then he pops the trunk. Disappointed, I looked at the dealer and said, "Well, Theres something missing".
The dealer, puzzled asks "What"?
I said "at the ford dealership I checked out, they had a new pair of shoes in the trunk of every car"!
Smiling the dealer says "That's so they can walk home"!
|17th February 2007, 14:44||#1757|
Join Date: Jan 2005
Thanked: 9 Times
Two fleas from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's all blue, shivering and shaking damn near frozen to death!
The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?"
The first flea says, "I rode down here from New York in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."
The other flea responds saying," That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do.
Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there,look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it's warm and cosy. It's the best way to travel that I can think of."
The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.
A year goes by...when the first flea shows up in Miami he is all blue, and shivering and shaking again. Damn near froze to death.
The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"
Yes," says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said...I went to the Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in I crawled right up to a warm cosy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep immediately.
When I woke up, I was back in the moustache of the guy on the Harley."
|20th February 2007, 21:56||#1758|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Thanked: 27 Times
Sledging on the cricket field - the most hilarious collection*
*Glenn McGrath Vs Eddo Brandes (the Best one till now…)* *
*In a showdown of best pacers of two countries, Brandes made up for his
complete absence of batting skills by some displaying some great sense of
humor and presence of mind.
Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes
- who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated
that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over
and inquired: "Why *are you so fat?*"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "*Because every time I make love to your
wife, she gives me a biscuit. *"
Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.
*Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:*
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the
wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
*Sachin Tendulkar Vs Abdul Qadir*
The year was 1989, the little master had recently made his debut in Pakistan
Sachin not even old enough to get a driving licence. Sachin Tendulkar was
facing the best bowlers in the business. As the Pakistani crowds jeered and
mocked Sachin holding out the placards saying "Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar
jaake dhoodh pee", (hey kid, go home and drink milk), Sachin sent the then
young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover (he had hit two sixes in one
over. The frustaded mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir
challenges Sachin saying "Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar
dikhao" ("Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me."). Sachin was silent,
since then we all have come to know that he lets his bat do the talking.
Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how. Sachin
hit 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the contest. The
over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, …and a legend was born.
*Vivian Richards Vs Greg Thomas*
This incident took place during a county championship match between
Glamorgan and Somerset.
Glamorgan quickie Greg Thomas had beaten Viv Richards' bat a couple of times
and informed the legendary West Indian ace: " *It's red, round and weighs
about five ounces, in case you were wondering*."
The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the
ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: " *Greg, you know
what it looks like. Now go and find it*."
*Merv Hughes Vs Vivian Richards:*
Merv Hughes usually never short of a word while on the field, rarely keeps
quite. During a test match in the West Indies Hughes didn't say a word to
Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. " *This is my island,
my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl*." Merv
didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: " *In
my culture we just say f*ck off.*"
*Ian Healy Vs Arjuna Ranatunga *
Ian Healy's made a legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9
microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot
night during a one dayer in Sydney... " *You don't get a runner for being an
overweight, unfit, fat c*nt!*"
*Glenn McGrath Vs Ramnaresh Sarwan *:
Sarwan, the West Indies vice-captain, and McGrath went toe-to-toe in an ugly
shouting match in Antigua in May 2003, The incident was sparked after
Sarwan, on his way to a match-winning second-innings century, reportedly
reacted to lurid taunts from McGrath by telling him he should get the
answers from his wife, who was recovering from radiation therapy for
secondary cancer. The details :
McGrath: "*So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?" *
Sarwan: "*I don't know. Ask your wife.*"
McGrath (losing it): "*If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll
F*cking rip your F*fing throat out."** *
*Mark Waugh Vs Adam Parore*
Mark Waugh was standing at second slip, Adam Parore relatively new to
cricket came to the crease played & missed the first ball.
Mark Waugh- "*Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You
were sh*t then, you're fu*king useless now". *
Parore- (Turning around) "*Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going
out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt
*Ravi** shastri Vs Mike Whitney*
Its common knowledge that Indian's usually don't resort to sledging, and the
Aussies swear by it. In this rare ocassion the tables had turned and it was
the Aussies who were at the receiving end.
Shastri hits the ball towards Mike Whitney (the 12th man in the game) and
looks for a single, this guy gets the ball in and says
Whitney: "*If* *you leave the crease i'll break your f***ing head"*
Shastri didn't bat an eyelid before replying *:* " *If you could bat as well
as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man*"
*Robin Smith and Merv Hughes*
During 1989 Lords Test, Merv Hughes said to Robin Smith after he played and
missed: " *You can't f*cking bat*".
Simth replied, both with the bat and with words, he smashed Hughes to the
boundry and said " *Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f*cking bat and
you can't f*cking bowl.*"
*Team mates: Frank Tyson, Raman Subba Rao*
England were playing Pakistan and, at what turned out to be a crucial moment
later on, Frank Tyson managed to get an outside edge off a Pakistani batsman
after the batsman had been frustrating them on a hot sweaty day. The ball
went right through the hands of Raman Subba Rao who was standing in first
slip and through his legs. After the over Raman heads over to the bowler and
says, *"Sorry Frank, I should've closed my legs*." Frank Tyson, who didn't
find any of this amusing, quipped back, "*No, you *******, your mother
should have *."
*Vivian Richards Vs Sunil Gavaskar:*
Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4
for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip
Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2.And
he thought there would be less pressure! Viv Richards says " *Man, it don't
matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero*."
*Warne vs Cullinan* ***
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting
2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating
," Cullinan retorted.
Malcolm Marshall Vs David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a
couple of times. Marshall: " Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I
going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
*James Ormond Vs Mark Waugh
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by
Mark : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's
no way you're good enough to play for England "
James: "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"
Waugh brother Vs Jamie Siddons
In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which)
was taking an enternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle
and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and
has another look around the field, before re checking centre.
Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out."For
christ sake, it's not a 'f*cken test match."
Waugh replies: " Of course it isn't ... You're here."
Mother (in law) of all sledges:
In the 1980's Ian Botham returned early from a tour of Pakistan, and on
radio joked "Pakistan is the sort of country to send your mother in-law to."
Needless to say the Pakistanis did not find this amusing, and when Pakistan
defeated England in the 1992 World Cup Final, Aamir Sohail told Ian Botham "
Why don't you send your mother-in-law out to play, she cannot do much
|20th February 2007, 21:58||#1759|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Thanked: 27 Times
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table
To My Dear Wife:You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband:I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18!!!!!
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow
Last edited by rsjaurr : 20th February 2007 at 22:00.
|20th February 2007, 22:29||#1760|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Feb 2004
Thanked: 385 Times
|24th February 2007, 10:11||#1762|
Join Date: Feb 2005
Thanked: 171 Times
Santa Singh Strikes:(no offences meant)
Mods please delete if repeats,
Santa Was being bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.
He got irritated......
Drank poison & said, " Ab kaaton saalon, sab maroge!"
Gi" Will you marry me?"
Santa: No, hamare yahan sirf relatives mein shaadi hoti hai, Jaise Mummiji ne Papaji se kari, Didi ne jijaji se kari Aur bhaiya ne bhabhi se kari !!!
Santa & Banta were going with their friend on a scooter & a traffic cop tries to stop them.
Santa: Sorry bhaji, No place for you, already 3 baithe huye hain.
Santa: you cheated me!
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Santa: Radio label says MADE IN JAPAN, but it says this is All India Radio!!
Lady Doc: why do you Stare at women out side my clinic every day?
Santa: Ji, aapne hi baahar likha hai, mahilaon ko dekhne ka samay: 9a.m.- 11 am.
Banta: Why are you boiling this knife?
Santa: To commit suicide.
Banta: So, what'sthe need of boiling it then?
Santa: So that I don't get any infections
|25th February 2007, 00:00||#1763|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: New Delhi, India
Thanked: 12 Times
The Real Ending of Super Mario Bros.
Its friggin hillarious!
|25th February 2007, 01:24||#1769|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: I am lost....
Thanked: 0 Times
Damn - thats one flash animation i cant turn of - hahahaa
i have already pm'd everyone i knw
|Thread Tools||Search this Thread|
|Thread||Thread Starter||Forum||Replies||Last Post|
|Time for a Holiday Joke?||Steeroid||Shifting gears||9||24th December 2005 20:51|
|A Nelson joke||Dippy||Shifting gears||6||8th September 2004 23:12|