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Old 5th October 2007, 10:49   #2281
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A French teacher was explaining to her college class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. House is feminine "la maison." Pencil is masculine "le crayon."
A student asked, "What gender is computer ?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer) because:
1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2.. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3.. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
4.. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine le computer) because:

1.. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2.. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3.. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4.. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won !!
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Old 7th October 2007, 19:08   #2282
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Q: Why did Michael Jackson call up Boyz2Men?

A: He thought it was a home-delivery service.
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Old 7th October 2007, 19:37   #2283
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Child: Mom, tell me about God.

Parent: Erm...ok...

Child: Is God male or female?

Parent: *thinking Oh Crap* Erm, a bit of both...

Child: Ok is God black or white?

Parent: *oh now I'm cool* A bit of both.

Child: Is God gay or straight?

Parent: Both

Child: Oh, I get it. God is Michael Jackson!
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Old 7th October 2007, 23:25   #2284
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Quote:
Originally Posted by v1p3r View Post
God is Michael Jackson!
In a way, I'm happy I took my last signature off.
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Old 8th October 2007, 17:40   #2285
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Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are always involved. The boys mother heard that a preacher was in town and that he had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked him if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Do you know where God is?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed - "Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.God is missing and they think we did it!"
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Old 8th October 2007, 22:45   #2286
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Just got this on my Orkut ( really a bad PJ )

Try to solve following Question...

Warning : Using your brain is strictly prohibited

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER..... ...using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette

Another deadly answer. Scroll down
....
Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... Scroll down.
....
...
Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)

"TIP TIP barsa Pani .

Pani NE aag lagayee."

Us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".
....
....
If that was not enough even uptill now, one more deadly answer....

Scroll down

Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous or jalney lagegi
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Old 9th October 2007, 11:37   #2287
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Spidey in his new avatar.

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Old 9th October 2007, 17:20   #2288
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Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
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Old 9th October 2007, 23:15   #2289
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What would've happened if Dan Bown - the author of Da Vinci Code was a Punjabi ???

The book would've been named 'Vinci da Code' !!!
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Old 10th October 2007, 10:17   #2290
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Rabbi and the Tax Collector

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Jewish synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi (Priest) and said: 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'

Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of
candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
'What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits.'

'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'

'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and once a year they send us a complete prick''.
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Old 11th October 2007, 23:30   #2291
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Default I've some doubts can you help;)?

I've some doubts.. Can u please clarify .................

1. When dog food is new and has an improved taste, who tests it? (to be given a thought)

2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)

3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)

5. Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else)

6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)

7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)

8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes)

9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch)

10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oils made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)

11. What should one call a male ladybird? (Nocomments)

12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )

13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)

15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)

16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)

18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell do they have parking in Bars ?



And now a few with smart answers as well:


BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".

Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Last edited by nitroxx : 11th October 2007 at 23:34.
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Old 12th October 2007, 11:35   #2292
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Q. What did one cup of the padded bra say to the other?

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A. Lets pack up and leave this flat.

P.S. Mod's pls delete if unappropriate.
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Old 12th October 2007, 12:07   #2293
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Bihar Driving License

DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM

NOTE: Please do not Soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licenswa.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.

1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)

2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)

3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yours: ___

9. Mather name: ____________ _________ __

10. Phather Name: ____________ ________ (If not no,leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________ _________ _______

(** If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression .)
PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

Last edited by vkochar : 12th October 2007 at 12:09.
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Old 12th October 2007, 12:15   #2294
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A typical day in an IT company.




I dunno which company, just got this by mail.
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Old 12th October 2007, 15:12   #2295
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@vid6639 - TOO AWESOME !!!! The Song Sequence and dance alongwith ringtone was too good... Cheers !!!
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