| || ||Thread Tools||Search this Thread|
|3rd July 2008, 00:34||#2972|
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Thanked: 1,492 Times
The depreciating dollar sure has hit them harder than we thought
|3rd July 2008, 01:48||#2973|
Join Date: Mar 2006
Thanked: 16 Times
They only mentioned about a spinner rim coming off on their first drive. What about other serious mods?
|3rd July 2008, 04:03||#2974|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: May 2007
Thanked: 12 Times
Texas Chilli taster
Texas Chili Taster
For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. Texans take their chili cook-offs seriously.
The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I eagerly accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili #1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
Judge #1: A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge #3 (Frank): Holy schitt, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili #2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
Judge #1: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge #3: Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Chili #3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
Judge #1: Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge #2: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge #3: Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting schitt-faced from all of the beer.
Chili #4: Bubba's Black Magic
Judge #1: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge #2: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods; not much of a chili.
Judge #3: Bubba is a sadistic ***-hole. I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300 pound lady is starting to look HOT - just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili #5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
Judge #1: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge #2: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge #3: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili #6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
Judge #1: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge #2: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge #3: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I schitt myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my *** with a snow cone.
Chili #7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
Judge #1: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge #2: Ho hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about judge #3.
(Judge #3 appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.)
Judge #3: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like schitt to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
Chili #8: Tommy's Toenail Curling Chili
Judge #1: The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge #2: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
|4th July 2008, 02:11||#2976|
Join Date: Mar 2006
Thanked: 16 Times
A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the Economy class. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in Economy class. The blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blond problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in Economy class.
Again, the blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blond with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blond girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the Economy class.
The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
Last edited by ajmat : 4th July 2008 at 09:16. Reason: First joke not too suitable here
|4th July 2008, 11:32||#2978|
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Bangalore / Pune
Thanked: 5 Times
Chili taster was hilarious !! One should not read such things in office. Causes disturbance to others
|5th July 2008, 23:58||#2980|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: N Delhi/Pune/Kolkata/Schwarzenfeld
Thanked: 276 Times
Did an advanced search and couldn't find this anywhere, so I suppose this would be fresh! Moreover, no offence meant to anyone:
What are Santa Claus' juniors called?
Last edited by Prabal : 6th July 2008 at 00:00.
|6th July 2008, 01:04||#2981|
Join Date: Apr 2007
Thanked: 4,774 Times
Hi, this is Condor logging in from Eddy's ID. Sorry, but this has been posted here...... TWICE
|6th July 2008, 15:02||#2982|
Join Date: Jul 2007
Thanked: 101 Times
Merc New Logo
Enjoy the new Merc Logo
Last edited by amitpunjani : 6th July 2008 at 15:10.
|7th July 2008, 15:20||#2983|
Distinguished - BHPian
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Speed-brkr City
Thanked: 4,412 Times
|8th July 2008, 11:56||#2984|
Join Date: Jun 2007
Thanked: 7 Times
Height of BHPian's Anticipation: Following a thread where 2 Newbies reply to each other
|8th July 2008, 13:19||#2985|
Join Date: Feb 2004
Thanked: 23,058 Times
|Thread Tools||Search this Thread|
|Thread||Thread Starter||Forum||Replies||Last Post|
|Time for a Holiday Joke?||Steeroid||Shifting gears||9||24th December 2005 20:51|
|A Nelson joke||Dippy||Shifting gears||6||8th September 2004 23:12|