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Old 12th July 2005, 16:59   #286
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ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ = American Born Confused Desi Emigrated From Gujarat
Housed In Jersey Keeping Lotsa Motels Named Omkarnath Patel Quickly Reached Success Through Underhanded Vicious Ways Xenophobic Yet Zestful
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Old 12th July 2005, 23:30   #287
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Default F1 in india

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Old 14th July 2005, 13:27   #288
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Default a to z on apples

A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasy hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaraasa aur khaalo aaple aur...kaam peh lagjao.
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Old 14th July 2005, 13:36   #289
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Facts of life:::

Q: What's the difference between cricketers and condoms?

A: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.

Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?

A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.

Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?

A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?

A: Because they are tired of using their own.

Q: What's common between men and video?

A: Both go backward... forward...backward...forward...

backward....forward... stop and eject.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble

Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?

A: A teabag.

7 qualities to be a perfect wife:

Beautiful,

Responsible

Energetic

Adorable

Sweet

Truthful and

Self-Organized.

In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S

Q: Who is a gynaecologist ?

A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure
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Old 15th July 2005, 11:21   #290
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One more for you. Enjoy and break your head a bit.


Our Sardarji got an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. Sardarji had

never flied before and hence was quite excited although tense.

Once he boarded the plane, a BOEING 707 Sardaji started jumping in

excitement,jumping from seat to seat and shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!!

BOEING!!! BO....'.


He forgot all about the surroundings and the shouting reached the
cock-pit.

Irritated by the sound, the Pilot came out and shouted 'BE SILENT! '.

There was a pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody was looking at the

Sardarji and the angry Pilot.

Sardarji stared at the Pilot in silence for a moment and the next moment
was

shouting,

'OEING! OEING!! OEING!!! OE...'
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Old 15th July 2005, 12:58   #291
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These shayaris are good.. U may have already read some of them.. still you can enjoy.

Woh jab chalti hai to raahon main 100-100 ke note bichhaa deta hoon
Woh jab chalti hai to raahon main 100-100 ke note bichhaa deta hoon

Uske jaane ke baad woh sab note utha leta hoon..
************************************************** *********************

Jab tumne thaam lee hai mere jeevan ki dor,
Jab tumne thaam lee hai mere jeevan ki dor,

Yeh dil maange more..Yeh dil maange more..
************************************************** *********************

Pyar mein kitne ghar doob gaye yaaron..
Pyar mein kitne ghar doob gaye yaaron..

Pyar mein pandrah-bees ghar doob gaye yaaron..

************************************************** *********************

Tumko dekha to yeh khayaal aaya
Tumko dekha to yeh khayaal aaya

Ke kal raat maine itna kyon khaya?

************************************************** *********************
Woh sadak ke is paar thi, hum sadak ke us par the;
kuch hum aage badhe, kuch woh aage badhi;
hum kuch aur aage badhe, woh bhi kuch aur aage badhi;
hum kuch aur aage badhe, woh bhi kuch aur aage badhi;

ab hum sadak ke us par the, aur woh sadak ke is par thi.

************************************************** *********************
Tum har raat mere khwabon mein aao, Tum har raat mujhe yuunhi satao,

Melody khao khud jaan jao........

************************************************** *********************

Door se dekha to kuchh dikha nahi,
Door se dekha to kuchh dikha nahi,

Paas jake dekha to kuchh tha hi nahi.
************************************************** *********************

Dharti so rahi hai, Aasman so raha hai;
Dharti so rahi hai, Aasman so raha hai;

Nonsense! Yeh sab kya ho raha hai?

************************************************** *********************
Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan
Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan

Lifebouy hai jahan, tandurusti hai wahan
************************************************** *********************

Humne bhi pyar kiya tha jindgi main, Badi joshh ke sath;
Humne bhi pyar kiya tha jindgi main, Badi shhor ke sath;

Aab hum pyar karenge badi soch ke sath,
Kyon ki usey kal shamko dekha kisi aur ke sath.
************************************************** *********************

Lal diwar par chune se likha tha ghalib ne,
Lal diwar par chune se Likha tha ghalib ne,

Yahan likhana mana hai.
************************************************** *********************
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Old 15th July 2005, 17:17   #292
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Thirsty anyone??
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Old 19th July 2005, 17:11   #293
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A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."
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Old 19th July 2005, 17:24   #294
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So how does Michael Jacson pick his nose...??


From a catalogue. :-D
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Old 21st July 2005, 13:33   #295
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One rainy day Sardar Singh was travelling by his new FERRARI
car. He was
not a very good driver and so, did not have complete control
on it. Mike
Tyson was also riding his bike on the same road. At a speed
breaker
sardar's car came in contact with Tyson's bike. Tyson got
very angry.

He dragged Sardar out of the car and threw him a few yards
away from the
car. Tyson then drew a small circle around Sardar and
shouted "Hey!! It's
not easy for you to damage my bike and get away. Now i will
be thrashing
your car. You should stay inside this circle and watch me
smash your car.
If you come out of the circle, I will kill you immediately".

Then Tyson turned towards the car and he smashed its side
indicators. Then
he looked at Sardar. Sardar looked at Tyson sarcastically.
Tyson's anger
grew and he smashed the window panes and then again looked
at Sardar.
Sardar grinned at Tyson. Tyson was confused. Tyson could now
not at all
control his anger and he broke the side doors and tore away
the seats of
the car. Then he again looked at Sardar. Sardar was laughing
so hard that
he could hardly stand.

This time Tyson came to Sardar and he told "oh! what is this
? I am
spoiling your expensive car and you are so happy about it?"
Sardar replied
"Every time you turned towards the car I was out of the
circle and you did
not
notice it.

Bolo tara ra.....................................
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Old 21st July 2005, 15:04   #296
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I guess we all know about the Middle-Eastern Suicide bombers and the harem of 72 virgin girls waiting in paradise to welcome the hero with all their 144 arms.

Ever wondered how this scam worked? I mean how do they arrange for 72 virgins for each sucker to falls for this scam...

This is how:

A suicide bomber completed his mission and went to jehadi paradise and met the reward coordinator (RC). The RC congratulated the bomber and right away took him to the Harem Administration complex and asked him to stand in a queue. As the bomber stood in line, he recognised some of his comrades in arms standing in the same line, all grinning in anticipation.

When his turn came, the bomber walked in and there they were, 72 virgin girls all in lovely dresses, they were young, eager to please, with mischief in their eyes and were all downright ugly!!!

The bomber was shocked...

Bomber: "Hey, these are the ugliest females I have ever laid eyes on...Why are they so ugly?"

RC: "Why do you think they are all still virgins?"

The bomber fainted.

RC: "Next..."

The next guy walks in...

And the show, I mean the scam goes on.
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Old 21st July 2005, 15:38   #297
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Customer: "I want to download the Internet. Do I need a bigger hard disk?"

Download the Internet here.
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Old 23rd July 2005, 10:28   #298
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Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering -

Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon diya ?

*************



Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ...

Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?

Sardar - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phir problem hogi.

*************

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question
-

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Sardar - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

*************

2 Days of Powercut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was
Amritsar

where all the SARDARS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters.....

*************

Two Sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other

to check whether it is working.

He puts his head out and says - YES..NO..YES..NO..YES..NO

*************

Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?

Sardar angrily said, i know -

it means....

S - Sardaron ke

M - Mazak udane ki

S - Service



Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?

Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe !!!
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Old 24th July 2005, 03:49   #299
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Hate to be a wet blanket, but aren't some of these jokes slightly offensive?
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Old 24th July 2005, 15:26   #300
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This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road,hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation.

It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.



Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in.Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming (remember, this is in the hills and there is a steep, steep drop beyond the curve).

Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life.

He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel!
The car makes the curve safely and continues on the
road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend.

Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car,scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights.

It's a small town. Wet and in shock goes to a roadside dhabba, which is open, and asks for a drink. They find some hooch and give him a shot. And he starts telling whoever is in the dhabba about the horrible experience he's just been through. A silence envelops everybody when they realize the guy isn't drunk, and is really frightened - he's crying and shaking. So they give him more hooch and talk about what they should do, whether to call the police or find a priest, or what.

But just then two guys(santa & banta) walk into the dhabba. One says to the other
"Look, Banta - that's the guy who got in our car when we were pushing it."
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