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Old 24th July 2005, 15:44   #301
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Talking

Hey Haryan this one was very cool
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Old 25th July 2005, 10:27   #302
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An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two
weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari
parked on the street in front of the bank.

He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees
to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its
officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari
as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the
bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multi-millionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000

The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two
weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return!

Ah, the mind of the Indian...
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Old 26th July 2005, 10:46   #303
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Great ones... For all the cricket fans. The last one is wayyyy too hilarious!

"Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero."
- Viv Richards to Sunil Gavaskar at Madras 1983.

Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in
at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and
Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at
0/2.And he thought there would be less pressure!

************************************************** *********

Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game.

Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said "It's red, round
and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces."

Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for 6 and
replies,"Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"

************************************************** *********

THE BEST...

Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first
slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word.
At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises
sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred".

The reply is classic Trueman, "Not you son, Your mother should've!"

************************************************** *********

Then there's this wicketkeeper who quietly asked the new batsman:"So
how's your wife, and my kids?"

Guess who.........Rod Marsh....to Ian Botham!!

************************************************** *********

New Zealand vs South Africa:

Daryll Cullinan was batting, attempting a comeback from a complete
bamboozling from Warne in earlier games.
Cullinan played the first ball from Chris Harris very carefully
back down the pitch, and keeper Parore yelled out "Well bowled Warnie!"

************************************************** *********

Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match, Fred
Trueman at the crease. The Aus captain has plenty of close in
fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket.

Fredie finds this objectionable. 'Ere, if you lads don't back off,
I'll appeal for bad light!"

************************************************** *********

The best of the best

(Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird)

"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for
Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire.

He used to bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower. Of him,
they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words describing an equally
inept runner; "When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis
for further negotiations!"

Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton "He
was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck
at the same time."

Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous
runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors... both
got injured.

*Both* opted for runners when it was their turn to bat.

Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a
runner and ran himself.

Ditto at the other end.

In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on.
Now we had *all four* running.
Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES" "NO", eventually,
*all* of them ran to the same end.

Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the
floor laughing their behinds out.

One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute,
picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end.

Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly
informs them "One of you buggers is out. I don't know which. *You*
decide and inform the bloody scorers!".

Cheers
Harish
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Old 26th July 2005, 13:03   #304
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Default Fact or Coincidence?

Guys.. try this.

Search for "failure" (without quotes) in google and click on the first link in the results . Alternatively hit "I'm feelin lucky".


Seems like a fact to me
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Old 27th July 2005, 11:27   #305
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Default the best little johny joke

A first standard teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked,"Johnny what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first standard. My sister is in
the third standard and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third standard too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office.

While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give
the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go
back to the first standard and behave. The teacher agreed.

Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agrees to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third
standard should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells
her, "I think Johnny can go to the third standard." The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Johnny both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Johnny, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Johnny replied, "Pockets."

Now no reactions or special face symbols on Johnny's face. He was so cool!

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Johnny: "Pants"
Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid ?

Johnny: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Johnny was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes
out soft and sticky ?
Johnny: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and
a dog do on three legs?
Johnny: Shake hands
Teacher: What is that a woman has two and a cow has four ?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Johnny: legs
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, answer me.
Johnny: Yep.
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
Johnny: tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
Principal was looking restless and bit tensed.
Johnny: wedding ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Johnny: nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Johnny: arrow
Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot
of excitement?
Johnny: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny
in the fifth standard, I missed the last ten questions myself."
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Old 27th July 2005, 14:51   #306
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scuderia
Search for "failure" (without quotes) in google and click on the first link in the results . Alternatively hit "I'm feelin lucky".
Here is an explanation of why it happens:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3298443.stm

-- Harish
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Old 28th July 2005, 14:15   #307
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try this -
Nice One
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Old 28th July 2005, 16:34   #308
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A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule
and the only one available was
wildlife Zoology.

After one week, a test was held. The professor passed out a sheet of
paper divided into four
squares.



In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs. No
bodies, no feet, just legs.

The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs.

The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute.

Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test
on the teacher's desk.



"This is the worst test I have ever given."



The teacher looked up and said:

"Young man, you have flunked the test. What's your name?"



The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said:



"You tell me..."
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Old 28th July 2005, 16:37   #309
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Got this in a forward:

HOW A SON or DAUGHTER THINKS OF HIS/HER FATHER AT DIFFERENT AGES


At 4 Years : My daddy is great.

At 6 Years : My daddy knows everybody.

At 10 Years: My daddy is good but is short tempered and knows little
less than my friend's Daddy.

At 12 Years : My daddy was very nice to me when I was young

At 14 Years : My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years : My daddy is not in line with the current times. Frankly
he does not know anything.

At 18 Years : My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years : Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how

Mother puts up with him.

At 25 Years : Daddy is objecting to everything. Don't know when he
will understand the world.

At 30 Years : It's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so
scared of my father when I was young.

At 40 Years : Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. I wonder
how
he managed to handle the younger generation.

At 45 Years : I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years : My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. (We
were
four brothers and sisters). I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years : My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things
for us.Even at this old age, he is able to control things.He is one of
his
kind and unique.

At 60 Years : My daddy was great.

Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st
stage! So.................................Realise it in time.
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Old 29th July 2005, 11:25   #310
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Old 30th July 2005, 17:52   #311
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When a woman says: ________________________________


This place is a mess! C'mon,
You and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if
we don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears: ________________________________


blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah
blah, blah ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!
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Old 2nd August 2005, 10:47   #312
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Noah's Ark in 2005

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -- but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean You're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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Old 2nd August 2005, 15:32   #313
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Quote:
Originally Posted by normally_crazy
When a woman says: ________________________________


This place is a mess! C'mon,
You and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if
we don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears: ________________________________


blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah
blah, blah ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!

Men have to make some meaning out of what women talk...

Cheers...
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Old 2nd August 2005, 18:10   #314
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Good one

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Old 2nd August 2005, 18:16   #315
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Henry decided to go skiing with his buddy, Frank. So
they loaded up
Henry's mini van and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a
terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the
attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have
this huge house
all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained.
"I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Henry said. "We'll be happy to sleep in
the barn. And if
the weather subsides, we'll be gone at first light." The
lady agreed,and
the two men found their way to the barn and settled in
for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on
their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. But about nine months
later, Henry

got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he
finally determined
that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow
he had met on the
ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Frank and asked, "Frank, do
you remember
that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on
our ski holiday up
North about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Frank

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the
night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Frank said, a little embarrassed about
being found out.
"I have to admit that I did and boy what wild love we
made all night long."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling
her your name?"

Frank's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look,
I'm sorry,buddy.
I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."
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