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Old 9th September 2008, 19:02   #3166
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Difference between panties of 1970 and 2008 :

1970: Bums are visible only upon pulling down the panties

2008: Bums have to be separated for panties to be visible

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Old 10th September 2008, 16:16   #3167
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See , How people write leave Applications. It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.

The Leave Applications
• Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
________________________________________
• This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
________________________________________
• Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
________________________________________
• From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
________________________________________
• Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
________________________________________
• An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
________________________________________
• A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
________________________________________
• Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
________________________________________
• Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
________________________________________
• Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
________________________________________
• Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
________________________________________
• Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
________________________________________
• A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
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Old 10th September 2008, 18:31   #3168
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Smile Man is like an automobile.

Mail forward received todAY

cheerscheers:

MAN = AUTOMOBILE

As it gets older, the differential starts slipping, and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad. The transmission won't go into high gear and sometimes has difficulty getting out of low.
The cylinders get worn and lose compression, making it hard to climb the slightest incline. When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to the top.
The carburetor gets fouled with pollutants and other matter, making it hard to get started in the morning. It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the leaking hose.
The thermostat goes out, making it difficult to reach operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the battery need constant recharging.
But if the body looks good, we can keep it washed and polished, giving the impression it can compete with newer models and make one more trip down the primrose lane before the head gasket blows.
Gentlemen...start your engines!!
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Old 14th September 2008, 22:03   #3169
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No offense to the Singhs but this is just too funny :

Please see THE SINGHSONS!

The Singhsons - bene - MyVideo
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Old 16th September 2008, 10:29   #3170
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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class
section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped
her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once
more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about
the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than
before. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and
said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped
your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;
whenever I sneeze I have an o*g*sm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never
heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "yes..... Pepper."
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Old 16th September 2008, 11:35   #3171
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Default Fast Forward: Shalom! Bong! Thank you maam!

Bongs are my favourite bunch of people. even if they're from delhi and if they have me believe that the country's capital is CR Park. This is because only a bong could write something of the sort.

The ABC Of Bengalis

A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the average Kolkakattan goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the ' Bhest Bengal Gawrment' he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard life!
B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't have good bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time.

C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, 'Na ghumaley Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.'

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debanik, Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year. 'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.

F (a-eff, a and e together as in aero) is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not he will say 'eeesh what feeesh is theesh!'

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every Bengali girls will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku, etc.

H (a-ich) is for Harmonium. This the Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!

I (eye) is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No self respecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are 2 million jholas bobbling around Kolkata- and they all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' as in Maachher Jhol is a close second

K is for Kee Kaando !. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).

L (ale) is for Lungi - the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the daily trip in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt. Everest.

M (aim) is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N (ain... pronounced as in aim but replacing the m with n) is for Nangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!)

P (pee.. not in your pants but) is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.

Q (kiyu... bas aise hi) is for Queen (koo-een). Bongs are in live with the kooeen since the days of the yore. And that includes anything and everything to do with the kooeen. Her language, ettiquettes... everything. And why, even her stiff upper lip.

R (aar) is for Robi Thakur. Many nany years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course 'all non-Bengawlees' ! Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close second !

S (ace) is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in good form by doing a little bit of 'joggo' and 'maanot'.

T (tee) is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk.

U (e-u) is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.

V (bhee) is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W (daabloo) is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X (axe) is for X'mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.

Y (o-eye) is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali.
Z (jed) is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone.
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Old 16th September 2008, 12:00   #3172
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zappo View Post
Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt. Everest.
ROFL Zappo. This is outright hilarious.
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Old 16th September 2008, 12:30   #3173
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@ Zappo - you bong doun sauth! why talking rong about bongs beeing a bong? Bhishon marbo.

by the way, Zappo's real name is Deb*

Last edited by planet_rocker : 16th September 2008 at 12:33.
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Old 16th September 2008, 13:33   #3174
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zappo View Post
V (bhee) is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.
Very funny incident I have with the V (bhee) (or is it bhvee)

I went to visit a friend living in an apartment complex. His flat number was V-30x. I had to report to the security and make an entry in the visitors register. The security happened to be a Bengali (or was he Bihari/Oriya; not sure).

Security: flat number?
Me: V-30x
Security: bhvee for bhvictory or bhvee for bhangalore?
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Old 16th September 2008, 17:30   #3175
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Hope it was not posted before(tried some search but..) and I'm not gonna get condored he he..


(Three answers most feared by men)


1. (Whatever)

Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..




2. (Anything)

Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything


3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anyting

Last edited by Technocrat : 17th September 2008 at 13:05. Reason: Removing Bold formatting as its easy to read otherwise
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Old 17th September 2008, 09:09   #3176
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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled.

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill. "No,"- the patient says, -"I am fine with pills".

The dentist then returns and says, "Here is a Viagara tablet."

The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagara worked as a pain pill!"

"It doesn't,"- said the dentist -"but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth."
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Old 18th September 2008, 14:55   #3177
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Default Know Your Car - " ABS "

Skoda dealership guy explaining the features of the Fabia to me :

"The car has Anti Braking System."
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Old 20th September 2008, 01:30   #3178
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Bart Simpson's History!!

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Bart's misunderstood, because people think he's an underachiever, when he's really quite smart. He has a lot of decent qualities. He looks out for his sister, Lisa; he's befriended outcasts and misfits like Milhouse Van Houten and Ralph Wiggum; he's injected romance into the life of his teacher, Edna Krabappel; and he brought down an illegal French winery during his brief student exchange trip abroad. Bart definitely isn't a normal 10 year old, because he's lived out a lot of his dreams and ambitions. He has starred in his own short-lived TV series (with his idol, Krusty the Clown), spotted and named a deadly comet that nearly destroyed his town (by luck!), and almost got the role of Fallout Boy in the Radioactive Man movie. He couldn't have done any of those things without the help and support of his best friend, Santa's Little Helper.

Full Name: Bartholomew Jo-Jo Simpson
Age: 10

Birthday: April 1

Mother: Marge Bouvier Simpson

Father: Homer Jay Simpson

Siblings: Lisa Marie Simpson, Maggie Simpson

First Word: "Aye Carumba!"

Medical Condition: Attention Deficit Disorder

Best Friends: Pet dog Santa's Little Helper, and Milhouse Van Houten. When Milhouse temporarily moved away, he turned best friends with Lisa.

Worst Enemies: Sideshow Bob (Robert Underdunk Terwilliger), Sideshow Cecil, and Dr Demento

Past Loves: New teenage neighbor Laura Powers, Rainier Wolfcastle's daughter Greta Wolfcastle and Rev Lovejoy's nasty daughter Jessica Lovejoy. Also Rena, a girl he met in juvenile detention

Possibly his Biggest Mistake: Selling his soul for $5 to Milhouse leading to disastrous consequences.

Idol: Krusty the Clown, host of the Krusty the Clown Show and Bart's favourite cartoon Itchy and Scratchy

Role Model: Radioactive Man and Homer

Future Plans: Supreme Court Justice; mystics have said Wrecking Ball
Operator and Rocker in a bad Jimmy Buffet-style band. Bart's also wanted to be a cop.

Shames: Frequently beaten up by bullies Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney and Nelson. Often strangled by Homer. Was once pinned to the floor by Lisa so she could prove she's stronger than Bart


Secretly owns: a Stamp collection.

Near Death #1: Swam with sharks.

Near Death #2: While skating, he was hit by Mr. Burns' speeding limo.

Near Death #3: Almost murdered by Sideshow Bob (twice), and Bob is still vying for revenge.

Near Death #4: Almost run over by Snake in his car

Near Death #5: Ate a jagged metal Krusty "O".

Near Death #6: Thrown over a cliff by Sideshow Cecil.

Discoveries: Blinky the three-eyed fish and a comet that nearly destroyed Springfield.

Secret Identities: El Barto, his tag he leaves over every wall in Springfield. Chief Wiggum has still failed to catch him. Bartman, a super hero, known as the Avenger of Evil.

Favorite Phrases: "Eat my shorts!", "Get bent!" and "Aye carumba!"

Loves: Outsmarting younger sister Lisa, and bungling dad Homer.

Sports he plays: American Football, Ice hockey, Tennis, Soccer, Baseball, Softball

Allergies: Butterscotch; Imitation butterscotch, glow-in-the-dark monster make up

Other Names: Rudiger, El Barto

Krusty Buddy Number: 16302

School status: Even though Bart gets bullied, he still seems to be very popular at school.

Favorite comic book: Radioactive Man & Fallout Boy.Accept no imitations!

Other Achievements: Helped Principal Skinner & Mrs. Krabappel get together and later get engaged.
Was branded a child genius after cheating on a test.
Saved Krusty's show numerous times, once from the evil Sideshow Bob (see below)
Helped clear Krusty's name in a Kwik-E-Mart robbery framing.
Organized Krusty's Komeback Special.
Has foiled Sideshow Bob repeatedly.
With Lisa, managed to chase Homer and Marge around America.
Led a war, with the kids of Springfield against neighborhood bully Nelson Muntz.
Led another war with a group of friends against the kids in neighboring city Shelbyville.
Got held back a grade and ended up in the same class as Lisa- who got promoted a grade.
Stared in commercials when he was a baby (Known as Baby Stinkbreath)
Once accidentally shot a bird, and vowed to look after its eggs, only to discover they were lizard eggs.
Enjoyed brief, but injurious career as a daredevil.
Deadlocked with Todd Flanders in a miniature golf tournament, but ended up scoring a tie.
Saved Mr. Burns' life by donating his rare double 0-Negative blood.
Led a rebellion at Kamp Krusty against a group of thugs who took it over.
Won an elephant in a radio contest.
Saved Ranier Wolfcastle (McBain)'s daughter, Greta Wolfcastle, from bullies.
Ran the Comic Book Store with Milhouse when the Comic Book Guy was sent to hospital
Helped raid Fat Tony's illegal fireworks supply.
Once became a faith healer.
Tried to help cowboy Buck McCoy become sober.
Once admitted he thought sister Lisa was good looking.
Attempted a grease haul with Homer.
Took over the school when the kids were locked inside the school in a huge blizzard.
Moment of fame #1: Once was a TV star as the "I Didn't Do It Boy" after destroying Krusty's stage set.
Moment of fame #2: Became a short lived celebrity after saying "I do what I feel like", good advice for Springfield citizens.
Moment of fame #3: Once hosted a popular kid's TV show "Bart's People".
Moment of fame #4: Starred in a boy band.
Tried to build a robot to use in "Robot Rumble" (a "Battlebots" and "Robot wars" style contest) with dad Homer.
Caused an outbreak of bullfrogs in Australia.
Accidentally destroyed the Simpsons' Christmas presents and got everyone in Springfield to believe someone took them.
Often strangled by dad Homer, but easily recovers each time.
Managed to trash Flander's house and Beatles memorabelia.

Didya Know?:
Once broke his leg trying to jump into a pool
Bart's Native American name is "Dances in Underwear"
Bart once went seven months without bathing
Bart's locker combination is 36-24-36
Bart claims to have based his whole life on the teachings of Krusty the Clown
Bart has a natural aptitude for ballet
Bart can write legibly on his own butt
Bart's first words were "Aye Carumba!"
Bart once synthesized a laxative from peas and carrots
Bart taught a hamster to fly a miniature airplane
Bart can play "Jingle Bells" with his armpit
Bart once tried to breed a hamster and a lizard
He once trashed Flanders' house.
Bart once got ordered to be tethered to Homer because of driving a police car

[

These are colours used on the show for Bart.
Skin: RGB: 255, 217, 15. This is used for all Simpsons.
Bart's orange shirt RGB: 222, 90, 57.
Tongue: RGB 255, 123, 57
Bart's shorts and shoes: RGB 33,209,255
Bart's pyjamas: RGB 123, 189, 41


...This is for all the Simpsons Fans.

Last edited by Cyrus43 : 20th September 2008 at 01:44.
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Old 20th September 2008, 10:55   #3179
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Cyrus, i am a big simpson fan. you just made my day, awesome post
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Old 20th September 2008, 13:23   #3180
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hahaha. Great one, Cyrus.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyrus43 View Post
Shames: Frequently beaten up by bullies Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney and Nelson. Often strangled by Homer. Was once pinned to the floor by Lisa so she could prove she's stronger than Bart
Would be noteworthy to mention as one his greatest comebacks -

Jimbo and gang rib Bart for falling off his skateboard after bumping into a lamp-post. He sneers back, "Its a good thing I didnt fall on my face otherwise I would have ended up looking like you".
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