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|31st October 2008, 14:01||#3286|
Join Date: Jan 2008
Thanked: 6 Times
|5th November 2008, 16:22||#3289|
Join Date: Sep 2006
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|5th November 2008, 16:43||#3290|
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Thanked: 58 Times
Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
|5th November 2008, 16:56||#3291|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Sep 2005
Thanked: 257 Times
(Source - Lewis Hamilton Sucks)
Last edited by suman : 5th November 2008 at 16:59.
|5th November 2008, 20:57||#3292|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai
Thanked: 163 Times
|5th November 2008, 21:19||#3293|
When an Indian minister went to the America he was impressed with the developments made by this counter parts there. he went to one of their homes' and seeing how well it was made and how big it was he enquired
"how did you do this" his counter part said
" look out of the window, what do you see?"
" this huge bridge?" said our minister
" yes, 10%" was the reply.
2 yrs later the American visited India and came to our ministers' house and after seeing how massive it was he asked
"Now how the heck did you get this?"
"look out of the window, what do you see?"
"err... NOTHING" said the foreign minister
"100% ha ha" came the reply.
|7th November 2008, 11:34||#3294|
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Mid West
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It's Different when you are Married
Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are
chatting about their relationships and decide to surprise their men
that night; all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos
and a mask over their eyes to see what kind of a response they get
from their men.
After a few days they meet again.....
The engaged girlfriend said: 'When my boyfriend came home, he found me
in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and the mask.' He said, 'You are
the woman of my life, I love you.' 'We made love all night long!'
The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! I met him in his office. I was wearing
the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes, and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just made love wildly
all night long.'
Then the married one said: 'I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for
the night, I got myself ready in the leather bodice, super stilettos
and mask. My husband came in from work, fell in his mangy Lazyboy,
grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's
|7th November 2008, 13:54||#3295|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Thanked: 128 Times
UP to it!
Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably true of many languages)
There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.'
It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP, so time to shut UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?
U . . . P
|7th November 2008, 15:43||#3296|
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Thanked: 329 Times
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into
the limo, and He doesn't travel light, the driver notices
that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver,
'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me
drive at the Vatican , and I'd really like to drive today.'
'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!
And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd
never gone to work that morning.
'There might be something extra in it for you,' says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind
the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting
the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God,
I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him, goes Back to his motorcycle, and gets on
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a
limo going a hundred and five.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.
The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'
Cop: 'He's got the Pope as a chauffeur!'
Last edited by Rehaan : 7th November 2008 at 17:34. Reason: language.
|8th November 2008, 02:40||#3297|
A doctor, an architect and a politician were discussing whose profession was the oldest. The Doctor said that his was the oldest since God performed the first surgery while getting Eve from Adam's rib. The Architect said his was still older since God while creating the world made it out of Chaos.
'Yes' said the politician, 'but who do you think made the chaos?'
|8th November 2008, 07:42||#3298|
Distinguished - BHPian
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Speed-brkr City
Thanked: 4,185 Times
@Netfreak : Check this 3 year old post :
@Spinnerr, your post could have actually gone to our Proper English thread !
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...r-english.html (A YetiGuide® : How To Post In Proper English)
Last edited by condor : 8th November 2008 at 07:45.
|8th November 2008, 11:27||#3299|
|13th November 2008, 12:02||#3300|
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: @ Driver's Seat @
Thanked: 57 Times
Just recd in e-mail. Hope this one is not Condered ! Just Kidding
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening..
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.
Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
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