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Old 10th August 2005, 16:50   #361
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A traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.

"Fancy meeting my wife here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double room for the night."

Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3000. "What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only been here one night!"

"Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks."
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Old 10th August 2005, 19:54   #362
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Two little babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"

"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.

"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your crib and find out."

He carefully manoeuvred himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.

"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.

"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you
tell?"

"It's quite easy....." Really!!!!," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."

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Old 10th August 2005, 20:45   #363
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Boy: "If I could rearrange the letters I would put I & U together"
on hearing this the girl replies "If I could rearrange the letters I would put F & U together"
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Old 11th August 2005, 16:18   #364
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Talking New Additions Dictionary

> The New Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words:
>
> Divorce : Future tense of marriage..
>
> Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way
> that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
>
> Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
>
> Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
>
> Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
>
> Etc. : A sign to make others believe
> that you know more than you actually do.
>
> Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually
> and sit to decide that nothing can be done
>together.
>
> Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
>
> Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life,
> to be spoken of when dead.
>
> Father : A banker provided by nature.
>
> Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....
> except that he got caught.
>
> Boss : Someone who is early when you are late
> and late when you are early.
>
> Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections
> and your confidence after.
>
> Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills,
> then kills you with his bills.
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Old 11th August 2005, 16:24   #365
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Post Educational Options in Pakistan

IIT - Islamic Institute of Terrorism

JEE - Jehadic Entrance Exam

IIM - Institute of Infiltration Management

CAT - Career in Alqueda & Taliban

IAS - Iraq After Saddam

MTECH - Masters in Terror tECHnology

GATE - General Aptitude in Terror & Extremism
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Old 11th August 2005, 16:44   #366
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Default Conversation..

WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

MAN: (makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: Would she use my golf clubs?

MAN: No, she's left-handed.

WOMAN: - - - silence - -

MAN: ****.

Last edited by turbo_lover : 11th August 2005 at 16:46.
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Old 11th August 2005, 20:45   #367
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!!News flash!!
British earthquake kills 50 000!
USA sending food.
Australia sending clothes.
Gulf Countries sending in Oil Supplies,
Germany, France , Sweden sending Cars ,
India sending ... ... ...

................................. Replacements
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Old 11th August 2005, 20:47   #368
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Kiss is not like Nokia...Connecting People
Kiss is not like Nike..Just Do It.
Kiss is not like Pepsi..Yeh Dil Maange More
But Kiss is like Pan Parag..Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga

Girlfriend: will u love me after marraige also? Boyfriend: this depends on your husband, if he allows me, i will...

SARDARJI

What do you call a sardar with one hair ?
Iqbal Singh.

What is the taxi service in Khalistan called ?
Kar Seva.

What is the national drink of Khalistan called ?
Sharbat Khalsa.

What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?
Just-beer Singh.

What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ?
Just-one Singh.

A female Khalistan terrorist?
Hard Kaur.

Khalistan history ..
SARSON-DA-SAGA

The great wall of khalistan ..
LONG-O-WALL (Former CM of Punjab -Longowal)

National dish of khalistan ..
AKALI-DAAL

The dirty drain of khalistan ..
BAR-NALA (Another CM of Punjab - Barnala)

A sikh scuba diver ..
JULL-UNDER SINGH (Jull means water)

A better adapted sikh diver ..
JULLUNDER SINGH GILL

A bald sardarjee ..
BAL-WANT SINGH

National Bird of Khalistan ..
Butter Chicken
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Old 11th August 2005, 20:48   #369
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WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy....wats dis!!!!????
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Old 11th August 2005, 20:49   #370
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The happiest love story ever told :
HE : Do you luv me?
SHE : Yes
HE: Will you marry me?
SHE : No
And they lived happily ever after!!!!
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Old 13th August 2005, 16:54   #371
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Default Howlarious

Guys,

Wanna know how to stop papaya's from falling off the tree ?

Stop Papaya

Really Funny maan

Last edited by normally_crazy : 13th August 2005 at 16:55.
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Old 16th August 2005, 11:22   #372
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Kammu phoned her husband Nil at work as usual for a chat.

Nil said, "Kammu darling, I am terribly busy today, can you call me back later today perhaps"

Kammu said, "But sweetheart, I have a good news, and I have a bad news to give to you."

Nil said, "Darling, I do not have time, so why don't you give me the good news now, and when I come back home in the evening then give me the bad news, This way I can focus here, and do not spoil my work."

Kammu said, "OK dear. The good news is, the Air bag of our brand new Lexus works, I got my life saved. And when you come back home in the evening I will give you the bad news."

And then Kammu hung u
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Old 17th August 2005, 12:43   #373
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Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.
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Old 17th August 2005, 15:22   #374
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Default For All You Guys

EK VISHESH SOOCHANA

Agar aap bus,train,plane ya kahin se bhi aa jaa rahe hon
aur kisi mahila/ladki ke hath mein
phool,dhaga,chain ya chamakti hue koi bhi vastu dekhein
to turant wahan se bhag jaye.
Ye vastu RAKHI ho sakti hai.
Apki zara se laaparwahi apko BHAI bana sakti hai.


Bharat Sarkar dwara purush hit me Jaari.
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Old 17th August 2005, 18:00   #375
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Love 4.0 From Heart Systems Software

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Customer Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the Heart Systems

Software Company help desk. How may I help you?



Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVE 4.0...you

know...the freeware. I don't understand it. Can tell me how to

install it?



CS Rep: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and

instructions with you?



Customer: Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program

does?



CS Rep: Sure thing ma'am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no

other like it in the world. LOVE attaches to your operating

system and runs silently in the background, you will never see

LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice its

affect on every application you may have. It makes the good

programs run smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the

bad ones.



Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine

run smoother?



CS Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV,

ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also,

FORGIVENESS.EXE will be invoked every time there is an external

violation, including the ever-popular syntax errors. Also, all

those aggravating errors that say "unable to connect" will be

avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external

devices, regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the

brand name, or the age of the model.



Customer: That's exactly what I need, my machine has been

isolated for too long. But what about the bad programs?



CS Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs

like HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These

programs can't be entirely deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE

overpowers those programs. LOVE stops their commands from being

executed and runs its own instructions. You will no longer hear

INSULT.WAV and you wont be able to write with the fonts

"BADWORDS12" or "HARSHNESS10."



Customer: That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades

free too?



CS Rep: They sure are ma'am.



Customer: How do I get the upgrades?



CS Rep: That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running,

it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every

external Hard drive Email And Remote Terminal (HEART) that it

comes in contact with. In turn, those external devices run

whatever version of LOVE they have and return a module to your

HEART. You will be upgraded with each and every module that you

receive. But you have to remember, to receive the upgrades you

have to be running LOVE and you have to come into contact with

other computers while it is running.



Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I

am ready to install now. What do I do first?



CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located

your HEART ma'am?



Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running

right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?



CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?



Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE,

GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.



CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE

from your current operating system. It may remain in your

permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs.

LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its

own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn

off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE

from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?



Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me

how?



CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke

FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until

GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.



Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself

automatically. Is that normal?



CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it

will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that

message?



Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?



CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.

You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the

upgrades.



Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I

do?



CS Rep: What does the message say?



Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL

COMPONENTS." What does that mean?



CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means

that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has

not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated

programming things but In nontechnical terms it means you have to

"LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.



Customer: So what should I do?



CS Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?



Customer: Yes, I have it.



CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.



Customer: Thank you.



Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy

them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT,

REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite

any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming

programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all

directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make

sure it is completely gone and never comes back.



Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat

files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows

that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying

themselves all over my HEART!



CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able

to handle it from here One more thing before I go...



Customer: Yes?



CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various

modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with

other people and they will return some really neat modules back

to you.



Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.
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