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|1st April 2010, 18:47||#4051|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai
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|7th April 2010, 21:21||#4055|
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Back to BLR
Thanked: 13 Times
Venue : Oslo
Date : October 2009
Chaired by : Thorbjorn Jagland
Also present : Kaci Kullman Five, Sissel Marie Ronbeck, Inger-Marie Ytterhorn, Agot Vlle
Agenda : To decide the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize 2009
TJ : I call zis meeting to order.
KK5 : Ja, Ja. It ees time we start.
TJ : Ladees & me, we are gathered here to choose ze Nobel Peez Prize. As you all know it ees very prestigious and carries a heck-of-a-lot-of money. So let us choose carefully and wisely.
IMY : Yess. Yess. I agree. Peace is precious. War is bad. I have been reading a book by Tolstoy on thees subject for the last 4 years. It really helps me sleep peacefully.
TJ : Ok, Ingel. Let us get ze started. Sissel, could you read out the first finalist plees…
SMR : Thees is a man from India. Called Morarji Desai. It seems he was so fond of pees that he used to drink it everyday.
(Admiring oohs & aahs fill the room)
AV : Drinking pees? Really.
SMR : Oui. So pees flows in his every vein.
KK5 : But alas he’s no more. Alfie’s rules were very clear. If you’re alive, urine. Else you’re out.
TJ : Ja. It would be wrong toilet someone get this award posthumously. So, sadly, we can’t choose him. Who’s next?
SMR : Ze second finalist is an organization…
TJ : Zats good. In ze past we have chosen noble organizations like the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change & the Pugwash Conferences on Science & World Affairs. Which one is thees?
SMR : Er… Lego.
AV : Lego? What do they do?
KK5 : They let you build things. Pees by Pees.
IMY : Ah, Pees is so constructive
SMR : Yes. Even ze Fuhrer thought so. He wanted to construct an empire. Through pees. With a littil pees of Poland, a littil pees of France. A littil slice of Turkey and a littil dab of Greece.*
TJ : Great man zat. Lot of brain. Some Braun. We wanted to invite him to Oslo, but he turned out to be a bunker.
AV : Anyway, back to Lego. Do we give them ze Nobel pees Prize.
SMR : Hey, look what it says here. It appears zat they make profeets. They are sustainable.
KK5 : Ooooh. No, no. We have to stay away from dirty capitalism.
AV : Oui, Oui. Ze prize can only go to someone who lives on handouts. We call it reserve prize.
TJ : Okay Lego is out then. Next finalist plees.
SMR : The third finalist is an Indian state called West Bengal.
IMY : A state? Zats interesting. How can a state foster pees.
SMR : Apparently they are very fond of peesh. They eat it everyday.
AV : India is a great country. They drink pees. They eat peesh…
TJ : Ja. I too have heard that in Bengal they can’t live without peesh. They not only try peesh, but also fry it.
KK5 : Hmmm. And their leader is called Buddha. I theenk we should give it to zem.
TJ : Okay. Call zem and check. Till zen, I weel watch an episode of “Mind Your Language”. It ees funny.
(Kaci Kulman Five returns after 10 minutes)
KK5 : Apparently the whole state is closed. Zey are on a strike. What they call a bandh.
TJ : Aaah, a peaceful protest. Ze good.
KK5 : Unfortunately, no. Apparently the state regularly has violent protests and is hartaling towards disaster.
IMY : I believe it ees becoming moribandh.
TJ : Sigh. Would have been good to make Buddha laugh. Anyway, never mind. Let’s look at ze others.
SMR : Yet another Indian. A person called Sreesanth. His name itself means Mr. Peace. And, it seems he ees always peesed with the world.
KK5 : Hey, how come there are so many Indians?
AV : Well, it ees the land of Gandhi after all.
IMY : That reminds me. Why didn’t Gandhi ever get a Nobel prize?
TJ : It ees there in the records. There was some dispute that many of his noble deeds were done by someone else. We read all the reports and found that half of them mentioned another guy called Ghandi. So it was all very confusing. Mama Mia.
SMR : Back to Sreesanth. It seems he gives all batsmen a pees of his mind. And we all know that pees of mind is a good thing.
IMY : It also says here that he bowls at a gentle pace. In a friendly manner.
KK5 : But he was involved in some violence, I see.
AV : No, no. He was slapped but didn’t fight back. He just cried.
IMY : But look at him. Look at his antics, his break dance.
SMR : Yeah, and his hairstyle. The way he looks now, Nobel will ever go near him.
TJ : Okay, let us come back to eem next year.
SMR : That leaves only one finalist. The US President Barack Obama.
(Gasp goes around the table)
KK5 : But what has he done for pees?
AV : Well, for starters, he hasn’t started a new war in 6 months of being president.
Chorus : Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja
IMY : Plus he shows a lot of potential
SMR : What potential?
AV : See I learnt in school that potential is measured as current into resistance. Now nobody can deny that he is current and faces a lot of resistance.
Chorus : Oui Oui Oui Oui Oui
TJ : But all he has done is make promises. Has ee kept any of ees promises?
SMR : Well, he did promise that he will bring in change.
AV : And…? Has he brought in change?
SMR : Not yet, but soon he will. By creating trillions of dollars, he has made sure that the dollar will become change. Small change.
Chorus : Aaaaaah
TJ : All that is fine, but we need some direct connection with pees.
SMR : Look, look. He is spending money to cultivate peas.
IMY : Yes. He has allocated $350,000 to explore the use of peas and to help cultivate peas.
KK5 : Great man. Great ambassador.
TJ : Ja, ja. Ok. Zat is zat then. Obama it ees. Kaci, plees call eem. Let us shock and awe him.
Last edited by santhosh_kumard : 7th April 2010 at 21:27. Reason: Formatting issues
|8th April 2010, 09:45||#4056|
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Trivandrum, Thrissur
Thanked: 4 Times
|12th April 2010, 09:02||#4057|
Distinguished - BHPian
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Speed-brkr City
Thanked: 3,781 Times
Punjab di english.......hilarious read
Got this through Facebook : And if you think I am make fun of someone : pls do not forget to read the last one ..
A is for Aiscreame
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an instruction to go to the rear of a
building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.
D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'
E is for Expanditure, the spending of money
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building
G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame.
H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')
L is for Loin, the king of the jungle
M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.
N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far(100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi - does not exist in the culture.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi .
T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.
U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.
W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.
Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.
Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest.
|15th April 2010, 11:39||#4059|
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Chicago / Namma Bengaluru
Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics."
No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Thumbs down again.
Then came "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again!
So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." Not a chance.
"Nuts and Butts?" No way.
"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go.
"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."
Everyone loved it.
|16th April 2010, 09:56||#4060|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Panaji - Goa/Bangalore - Karnataka
Thanked: 600 Times
Dhoni mera Bhai, redlight or redlight area mein farak hota hai. (Dhoni my brother, there is a difference between redlight and redlight area)
|16th April 2010, 10:18||#4061|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Dec 2008
Thanked: 465 Times
This is just a joke and no offence meant to anybody
Questions for SARDAR's in a BOARD EXAM
1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters
(only alphabets allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)
2. Sex ?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Sardar
3. What's ur age group ?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0
4. What is 2 + 2 ?
( ) FOUR
( ) 4
( ) IV
5. If you have one brother, how many brothers ur brother has?
( ) none ( ) one ( ) question is too personal
6. Complete the following sentence........... (4 marks)
______ ________ ________ _________ .
7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year?
8. Read the statement carefully and answer the following question:
"My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's
husband's wife is my mother herself".
Qs. How many times the word "mother" appear in the above
( ) None
( ) few times
( ) uncountable times
9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you
( ) get one rupee ?
( ) 100 paise ?
10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences.......
(HINT : My Name is ___________ (same as in ). I am a _______
(boy/girl). i am writing an essay.)
11. If the time is 3.00 what does ur digital watch show ?
12. At what time does the 11.16 Indrani Express come ?
13. What u do on a honeymoon ?
( ) Collect Honey
( ) Admire Moon
( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon
14. Earth is Flat ?
( ) False
( ) Indeed False
15. If A = B and B = C then B = A ?
( ) TRUE
( ) NOT FALSE
( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS
16. If you eat lunch during lunch time, what u have during dinner
17. If Ram is Sita's Husband, Who is Ram's Wife?
(_) Guru Nanak
18. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.
19. Complete the following poem :
Mary had a little lamb
little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or "^")
20. This is question number
( ) 1
( ) 10
( ) 20
21. If 2 + 3 = 5, 3 + 2 = 5 ??
( ) YES
( ) I FORGOT TO GET MY CALCULATOR
22. write full form of ASAP As Soon As Possible.
23. Opposite of the word "IN" is
( ) NOT IN
( ) CRICKET
( ) HOCKEY
( ) PUNJAB
24. What is the capital of india ?
( ) India
( ) INDia
( ) INDIA
25. a,e,i,o and u are collectively called "vowels". what are e,a,i,o
and u called ?
26. Fill in the blank :
I am _________ a letter.
( ) READING
( ) WRITING
( ) SEALING
27. Who was the first MAN to land on moon ?
( ) MR. ARMSTRONG
( ) MISS ARMSTRONG
( ) MRS ARMSTRONG
28. What comes first ?
( ) the Egg
( ) the Omlet
29. can you count more than five using your hands?
( ) YES
( ) NO
30. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y
31. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's
( ) Father
( ) Brother
( ) Son
( ) Daughter
32. car A start from X and car B start from Y. X and Y are
located 100 miles apart from each other. how many wheels does
each car has?
( ) One ( ) Four ( ) Seven
33. To reach to the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how
many buttons would you press in the elevator?
( ) ONE ( ) TWELVE
34. Complete the following series
[this question carries 3 marks]
1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _.
35. this one tests ur imagination. SUN is nearer to india
( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA
( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA
( ) i do not have any time left to think on this one
ur feedback counts..................
(please do not write how many times)
I rate the difficulty level for the above question paper as
( ) 8 ( ) 9 ( ) 10 [NOTE : 1 is very easy and 10 is most difficult]
Number of times I flipped a coin
( ) 35( ) 70( ) I forgot to bring my coin so i bluffed and
prayed for good luck.
|16th April 2010, 12:28||#4062|
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New Delhi
Thanked: 152 Times
Recently a tiger killed a man in Ranthambore, Rajasthan. “SAVE OUR MEN”, only 1095632561 left !!
|16th April 2010, 12:33||#4063|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Thanked: 67 Times
Found on TOI:
Whats the difference between Sachin Tendulkar and Lalit Modi?
Sachin is a great cricketer and Lalit is a great tricketer.
|16th April 2010, 14:02||#4064|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Feb 2010
Thanked: 387 Times
And quite successful in life too for that matter.
check this out:
Niki Lauda - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
|16th April 2010, 14:36||#4065|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Tenkasi, TN
Thanked: 324 Times
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