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Old 2nd May 2010, 22:58   #4096
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Old 3rd May 2010, 00:58   #4097
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Yo' Mama is so fat, when she dances, the band skips.
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Old 3rd May 2010, 02:16   #4098
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Dead Mucchhar Art .....rockkkks !
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Old 3rd May 2010, 10:22   #4099
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ranjan Sharma View Post
It is circulated via mails. Had received it long time back.
Yes. It was received via email.
Sorry I must have mentioned that in the post itself.
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Old 3rd May 2010, 14:34   #4100
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Why did the Chicken cross the road ?

The Official Joke thread-chicken-crossing.jpg
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Old 8th May 2010, 23:35   #4101
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Post What if there were more women drivers?

What if there were more women drivers then men?

WARNING: To all the Women who may find this sexist, I would apologies in advance but I at the same time I insist that the content of this write-up at this forum are neither intended to be sexiest nor are meant to offend you. I have utmost respect for women and consider them to be far superior beings than us men

This write-up is not written to ascertain who drives better; men or women, but it’s an attempt in a humorous fashion to identify difference in habits of men & women when it comes to driving styles & manners. I hope this clarification in advance will insulate me from being summoned by NCW! So here I go….


PROLOGUE

Men are different from Women in all sorts of ways, physically biologically & logically. Driving habits manifest this obvious difference in behavior.

Let’s face it, cars are predominantly conceived by more men than women, manufactured by men more than women and in general, we can safely assume without drawing ire of the fairer sex that auto industry in general is more male dominated.

Men, being the “dominant specie” (well that’s what we would like to believe but nothing can be farther from the truth) have more or less defined how the traffic should more or less behave.

I mean more men then women drive on roads (most obvious in India) so the behavior of traffic reflects sensibilities of a man, the way we drive in relation to each other.

In other words since men form the majority of car users hence the cars are more designed to suite needs of men in general and the traffic reflects mostly the driving habits & sensibilities of men (rather than a women, which is that being the primary reason why men will jump out of their seats to say “woman at wheel” the moment they spot a lady driving a car)

WHAT IF THERE WERE MORE WOMEN DRIVERS?

IMAGINE what if the tables turned? What if more women then men formed the universe of car users??? Oh dear…yeah right but just imagine the scenario. The whole traffic behavior would change and I reckon the following could happen:

NO REAR VIEW MIRROS:

Rear view mirrors will not be required in a car since women never watch their mirrors anyways.

ONLY VANITY MIRRORS

Only vanity mirrors will exist and they will be available for all seats in the car (instead of only the driver and/ or front passenger seats currently).

The driver side vanity mirror will be “electronically adjustable” to view comfortably various aspects of the drivers face from various angels (the redundant “rearview mirror adjustment switch” can be put to good use here)


POSSIBLY NO TURN INDICATORS

Since most women don’t watch their mirrors & turn anywhere, anytime; most probably the turn indicators will also go as they are hardly used by women; since it will be a common practice totally acceptable amongst the drivers (women)


GLOVE BOX WILL BE CALLED "VANITY BOX"

It’s a mystery anyways for most of us why the holder of all sundry items in a car dashboard called a “Glove Box” and since it’s likely to hold considerable amounts of make-up goodies it will be called “Vanity Box”.

It is highly likely that it will come with various sub-sections contained with-in like a “Lipstick Holder”, may be a “cooled” a “Nail polish Rack” etc etc..

PERFECTLY OK TO WAIT A COUPLE OF MINUTES AT A TRAFFIC LIGHT TO WRAP-UP MAKE-UP REGIME

Unlike now, it would be considered extremely rude to honk at a car in front of you, which has been rendered temporarily immobile, because the lady driver was applying make-up of some kind while the lights were red and has been caught at the fag end or half way of completing it when the lights turned green. It will be completely acceptable behavior.

Other women drivers will patiently wait for the compatriot in car in front to say: put the lid of the lipstick and put it in the glove box no..the “Vanity Box” properly AFTER THE LIGHTS TURN GREEN.


HAZARD WARNING LAMP WILL BECOME "MAKE-UP LIGHT"!

Now this is a debatable one, however I firmly believe that what we see today as a red color “Triangle under a triangle” hazard warning button will be replaced by red color “graphic image” of a lady applying make-up and this button will be called “Make-up Warning Lamp”.

When ever a lady driver has the sudden or not so sudden urge and/or need to apply make-up at leisure on road, she could just press this button (Make-up Warning Lamp) and turn left or right (REMEMBER THERE ARE NO TURN INDICATORS) to park themselves on the side of the road and apply make-up.

This, again, will be example of completely acceptable behavior by fellow women drivers as they would totally empathize with this lady’s urge to apply proper full-fledged make-up on the road and taking a sudden left or a right turn by just pressing the “Make-up Warning Lamp”


SPEEDS WILL GO DOWN

Overall traffic speeds will go down as most women in at least in India drive between 17.7 kms / hr & 22.5 km / hr.


PARALLEL PARKING WILL BE AN OFFENCE

Fact, women can’t parallel park, so parallel parking will be banned and deemed criminal as it will be considered derogatory to have parallel parking provision.

However, since parallel parking is beneficial for smooth traffic flow, reality shows like “Parallel Parking Idol” may come-up.

"SERVICE REQUIRED” IMMOBILIZER

Since generally women think a car can work & run infinitely without ever needing a service, the cars will begin to have a feature where-in a car will render it “totally immobile” if not taken for service station after giving 30 days of advance warning saying it “needs service”.

PMS WARNING LIGHT

PMS is a killer, so there would be a small light at top of every car which will glow red when the driver presses the “PMS Warning” button placed prominently next to the “Make-up warning Light” button.

This will help all other drivers to avoid messing with the driver of this car, give her clear passage and generally letting her do what she desires.


However there will be some cool & obvious visible benefits too, such as:

1.With reduced testosterone levels on the roads, road rage will go down

2.Fewer fatal accidents as speeds will be reduced considerably

3.Very few speeds bumps (speak breakers) will be around once again due to lower overall speeds.

4.Once in a while we might get to see a Cat Fight on the road!

That’s all for now.. do send in your comments & feedback

If you find this interesting and wanna spread the smiles , visit my blog on What if there were more women drivers?
C'ya later...
Thanks
Abhi
(ask.abhichats@gmail.com)
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Old 10th May 2010, 09:22   #4102
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^^ Add to that...
No Traffic Lights required.
No Dividers Required.
No Road Markings required.
No Traffic cops required.
Above all No driving License required.
As all the above would be redundant things anyway.
(Please take it on lighter vein only.I too know few good women drivers here.)
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Old 10th May 2010, 17:16   #4103
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bblost View Post
What to do when you're bored at work.....

1. Kill a few flies.
2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour.
3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper... Let your imagination flow.
4. Here are a few samples:
Crazy BBLOST, loved these a lot. Looks like the imagination is flowing like crazy these days. So, are you controlling the fly population these days

Quote:
Originally Posted by ajmat View Post
Why did the Chicken cross the road ?
Now we surely know, why the chicken crossed the road
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Old 10th May 2010, 18:11   #4104
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Abhi Chaturvedi View Post
What if there were more women drivers then men?
women drivers jokes have been done to death. I don't see anything new, or even funny in this.
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Old 11th May 2010, 10:58   #4105
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Last night, some friends and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them,

'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine
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Old 11th May 2010, 11:23   #4106
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@Bblost,
Creativity at its best, mate. That's called 'Imagination flying wild'.
Waiting for next eposiodes with mosquitoes and then cockroaches.
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Old 11th May 2010, 16:04   #4107
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Here's one from my side.

A trooper pulled over an old jalopy near Jacksonville florida on I-10 West. It was doing 10 mph on the interstate where the posted minimum speed limit is 40 mph.
The officer walks to the jalopy and finds a 85 year old lady holding the wheel.
She says that she was following the posted speed limit only and it's mentioned as 10.
The officer realises the folly of the lady and explains her that I-10 is the name of the interstate highway. The 10 there doesn't represent the speed limit. The speed limit is 70 mph and minimum is 40 mph. He needs to give her a citation as she's well beyond the minimum speed limit and has resulted in holding up traffic.
After writing her a citation, while walking away, the officer realises that there were 3 other old females in the car and they were all shaken to the core. He feels bad for being so uptight and goes back to check whether they are all ok and he didn't intend to frighten them and was merely doing his job.
When he enquired about their condition apologising, the lady behind the wheel replied, "that's alright officer. they'll be fine in a few moments. Just that we got off I-95 south a few minutes back due to which they are shaken!".
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Old 11th May 2010, 16:55   #4108
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This happens in Saudi Arabia. An Egyptian takes a share-a-cab from Jeddah to Yanbu. (Egyptians jokes are akin to our very own Sardar jokes). He has never been in a car before. He sits in the front passenger seat and very keenly observes the cab driver. Jeddah-Yanbu is 300 kms, all the way desert and only stop at mid-way is a place called Rabigh. The Egyptian is tall and well built. The cab stops at Rabigh and all other passengers and the driver get out for Loo and tea. When they come back and sit in the car, the driver is shocked to see the gear lever missing from the car. He shouts from the bottom of his lungs "What did you do to the gear lever.?" With a big broad smile, the Egyptian answers "Habibi, you were trying to take that thing off since we left Jeddah for the past 1 hour. I just helped you. Here is it, for you."

Last edited by RajaTaurus : 11th May 2010 at 16:59.
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Old 11th May 2010, 17:40   #4109
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Coming soon to India...
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Last edited by Dippy : 12th May 2010 at 09:47. Reason: Text part posted previously: http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/329235-post1627.html
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Old 12th May 2010, 15:55   #4110
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Don't know if this is posted already. No offense to IT engineers though! (I am one)

Quote:
A railway station beggar meets another beggar.
An IT engineer meets another.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question?

"So, which platform are you working on?"
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