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Old 6th August 2010, 18:16   #4276
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Originally Posted by grules View Post
A different type of diesel engine. One you would have never seen before.
LOL bro! I appreciate your sense of humour.
@MX6, Good one nevertheless.
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Old 6th August 2010, 18:23   #4277
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Lol. The first one was in page 31 where in the guy drove the hearse van for 10 years.
Second was in page 85 where the guy drove the hearse van for 25 years.
Strange co-incidence. My guy has experience as both combined. 35 years!

Nevertheless, since I'm condored on a joke for which someone has already got condored, guess, condor should take me out for tea!
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Old 6th August 2010, 18:25   #4278
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Originally Posted by MX6 View Post
Lol. The first one was in page 31 where in the guy drove the hearse van for 10 years.
Second was in page 85 where the guy drove the hearse van for 25 years.
Strange co-incidence. My guy has experience as both combined. 35 years!

Nevertheless, since I'm condored on a joke for which someone has already got condored, guess, condor should take me out for tea!
I guess the driver is still getting used to driving live ppl around, even after 35 years hee hee
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Old 6th August 2010, 21:34   #4279
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Quote:
An Actual Sign Posted at a Golf Club in Scotland:



1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.

5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.

8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.

10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE... NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, WASH YOUR HANDS AND GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE
OFF.

this was printed and posted in our restroom today
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Old 9th August 2010, 00:53   #4280
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Ok. Read this somewhere. Hope I don't get condored.

If We Believed Everything In The Movies -

1 Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, and maneating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

2 All beds have special Lshaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

3 All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4 It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

5 Once applied, lipstick will never rub off even while scuba diving.

6 You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

7 Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

8 The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

9 A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

10 If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

11 If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

12 Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: EnterPassword Now.

13 Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

14 All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

15 A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

16 If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
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Old 11th August 2010, 14:06   #4281
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Default Johnny Johnny - Reloaded

Got this one in email today...
Name:  j1.JPG
Views: 1747
Size:  50.5 KB
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Old 11th August 2010, 14:26   #4282
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A young lady was on a vacation in a star hotel. She spent most of her day time sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.
"The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" the lady asked rather calmly.
"No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight glass!"
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Old 11th August 2010, 15:42   #4283
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Default Over email

Husband wife had a fight.

Wife called her mother and said:

We had a fight. "I am coming for three four days to you."

Mother: "Stay there. He should get bigger punishment."

"I am coming to your place for three four months"

================================================== ===

Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and peace so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!

================================================== ===
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Old 11th August 2010, 19:16   #4284
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MX6 View Post
10 If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
I play this game all this time, predicting in advance who is going to die now or what is going to be shattered next. Predicting dialogs is fun too.
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Old 13th August 2010, 16:54   #4285
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Default Timing in a Joke

Do you believe that timing is the most important thing in a joke?

This happened in my college days.

Friend1: I am joining a music class. I am gonna learn to play keyboard.
Friend2(Mr.Know-all): First join a typewriting class and learn typing. Then you will easily learn keyboard.
Friend1: WTH?

Friend3: Machi, what if he wants to learn flute?

All of us:
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Old 13th August 2010, 18:26   #4286
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Default Peepli

Was just going through Yahoo news and there was an article which mentioned that nothing could change the condition of such people unless the people themselves rise against such callousness of the governments.
Best part about it was the URL of the article So appropriate
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Old 13th August 2010, 20:02   #4287
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ch.nathan View Post
Do you believe that timing is the most important thing in a joke?

This happened in my college days.

Friend1: I am joining a music class. I am gonna learn to play keyboard.
Friend2(Mr.Know-all): First join a typewriting class and learn typing. Then you will easily learn keyboard.
Friend1: WTH?

Friend3: Machi, what if he wants to learn flute?

All of us:
Kudos to your friend for the timing and logical point there

Quote:
Originally Posted by sammyboy View Post
Was just going through Yahoo news and there was an article which mentioned that nothing could change the condition of such people unless the people themselves rise against such callousness of the governments.
Best part about it was the URL of the article So appropriate
That was good, Anusha became .....
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Old 16th August 2010, 11:35   #4288
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Default Cyg 2010

Just got this as a forward email:

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Old 16th August 2010, 11:49   #4289
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Default National Road Safety Week

Once a man driving car was stopped at a cross-road by Traffic Police.

Police: Sir, Congrats ! You are driving in the proper lane, no overspeeding, wearing Seat-Belts, no honking.
Thus you are the winner of the ongoing "National Road Safety Week".
We will be rewarding you Rs. 5000. Now tell us what you will do with this amount ?

Man: Umm... I will use this amount to get a driving License

His mom sitting by side: Sir, dont mind what he says, he speaks anything when he is drunk

His dad sitting behind: see, I told you before that we can't go too far in a stolen car

Suddenly a sound comes from the car-boot: Bhai, have we crossed the border ?
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Old 16th August 2010, 23:21   #4290
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I like the first comment, but the whole thread is hilarious.

"Quit making laws about illegal immigration and stop the real travesties in this country, like ice in beer!"

Ice, ice, beery Eatocracy - CNN.com Blogs
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