The Official Joke thread

[Poitive]

Originally Posted by dhanushs

Add one more!
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This one was funny!
Got me back to school

Gender discrimination!!.. STOP IT!!..
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Dhanush, though it is difficult to search this, but I think it me a 'condour-worthy'

[wanderer4x4]

Old one, but good one.

Ramlal died and went to heaven. There he was ushered in to meet God. In that room, he found many large clocks.
He asked god: Prabhu, what are these clocks for?
God: We keep track of people lying. Whenever some one lies, the arms move a turn. See, that one…its Lord Buddha’s. Its never moved.
Ramlal: Where is the one of our Minister?
God: Oh, behind me..I am using that as a table fan.

[dhanushs]

Height of excuse:

Indian Criket team supports Anna Hazare...
"We will not win a single match, untill the janlokpal bill is passed."

[Urban_Nomad]

Boy asks a girl - How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Girl - 6 apples

Boy - you can only eat one apple, coz when you begin eating the 2nd apple, your stomach is not empty.

Girl - Wow what a clever joke. I ll tell this to my friend.

Next day, the girl meets her friend and starts:

Girl - How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Friend - 10 apples

Girl - Kya yaar. 6 bolti to mast joke sunaati.

[Scorcher]

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.

He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone."

The driver of the Yugo said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I've got one in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. He drove around all day and finally found the Yugo late that night.

It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.

"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him narrowly and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!"

[anilisanil]

Got this as a forward:

Saif in his new avatar.

[Scorcher]

Wife writes a letter to her husband who is abroad on a short term assignment

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the Ford F-150 when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the Ford F-150 fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari. I just missed our bikes though...they are safe.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.

You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife. XX

PS: I am enclosing a picture of this minor crash for you so you don't get worried. See below
.
.
.

[Scorcher]

After nearly forty years in practice, a gynecologist decided to retire to pursue his first love, auto mechanics.

He enrolled at the local community college and worked very hard, but worried that he was too old to compete with his younger classmates.

Sure enough, on the final exam the other students finished in about two hours, while it took him the full four hours allocated. Afterwards, as he washed up, he asked his teacher about his grade.

“I gave you a score of 150 points out of 100 possible,??? said the teacher. “What? How can that be????

“Well, I gave you 50 points for disassembling the engine perfectly, another 50 points for reassembling the engine perfectly, and an additional 50 points for doing the whole damn job through the exhaust!!!

[IronH4WK]

A dog was following Santa Singh... Santa Singh started laughing hysterically... A passer-by asked him why is he so happy Santa Singh said "ha ha, I have Airtel connection... but still Hutch network is following me"

[dhanushs]

Need a better mate?

[prateekm]

This is the best FAIL video on Youtube. This guy, talking about UID numbers and knows nothing about it, starts saying things like:

1) SIM Card data is transferred to battery.
2) Cloud computing gets disturbed due to rains

Watch more here. Start watching from 13:00:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGODP7IawoI

[Sheel]

Girl to a boy : What is your name?
Boy : Black Lion

Girl : How can anyone be named like this?
Boy : (chucking) Kalu Singh.

Boy : What is your name?
Girl : Soft underwear

Boy : What
Girl : Komal Chaddha

Source - Khuswant Singh's jokes

___________________________________

Cockroach's last words to a guy who's about to kill him.....

"You're just jealous that I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can."

Source - WWW

[Fordmanchau]

Teacher: Tell your dad`s full name in English.
Boy: Its Mr.FLY GO
Teacher: Are you trying to be funny?
Boy: No, his name in hindi is Makkhi JA

[Recompose]

Answer in one word - Apne kiye pe paani pherna?

Flush.

[creative420]

Teacher: Kahaan the itne din?

Student: Madam! Bimaar tha! Bird Flu ho gaya tha!

Teacher: Hain? Mujhe kya bewakoof bana rahe ho? Bird-flu toh birds ko hota hai!

Student: Arre! Har roz aap mujhe murga jo banate ho!