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Old 18th September 2011, 21:18   #5146
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Cold is relative.


65° outside
Arizonans turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.

60° outside

Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Minnesota sunbathe.


50° outside

Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.


40° outside
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.


35° outside

New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20° outside
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close their windows.


Zero° outside
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.


10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.

People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.


30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.


40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold enough for ya?"

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.
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Old 18th September 2011, 21:37   #5147
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Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?

Student: H2 Mg Cl Na Cl HNO3CaCo3Ca (OH)2 Sn Tn Hg NI HCT (COOH)O.'

Teacher: What is this?

Student: This is corporation water.

Last edited by Scorcher : 18th September 2011 at 21:39.
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Old 19th September 2011, 09:14   #5148
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Nine Pipe Pour Bun
Nine Pipe Pour Bun
Pipe Pour
.
.
.
.
got it?
.
.
.
.
.
Its not a tongue twister. its Lalu Prasad giving his
mobile number
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Old 19th September 2011, 10:56   #5149
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vivekiny2k View Post
Cold is relative.
Reminded me of the last (or maybe the one before that) tour to India by the England cricket team. IIRC, there was a match either in Mohali or Delhi and when the camera panned across the stands first thing in the morning, the Barmy Army were in their shorts (guys without tees) while all Indians were huddled together in their sweaters and monkey caps.
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Old 19th September 2011, 11:45   #5150
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This is fro ma headline in TOI after the rains which saw levels at some places rise upto mid window on a spark

"Monsoon Wading"!!
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Old 19th September 2011, 12:09   #5151
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Joke 1 : I cut-down on driving my car because there was a strange noise coming every time I turned the steering wheel. The damn noise came night or day, without any passengers or full load. Worried I preponed the scheduled servicing and took it to A.S.S.

The noise never came.

The bloody joke is on me.

Joke 2 : A 40k kms for my Corsa is gonna cost me 30k because the tension belt and clutch assembly are being replaced. The joke is again on me!

I really wish the guys who designed Corsa and it's spare parts have extremely high-maintenance wives and leave them with nothing except Jockey underpants. Hopefully then the engineers will know what jokers they have reduced Corsa's buyers to.
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Old 19th September 2011, 12:16   #5152
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An illiterate father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They setup their tent & fell asleep.

Some hours later, father wakes his son and asks: Look up to the sky
and tell me what u see?

Son: I see millions of stars.

Father: And what does that tell you?

Son: Astronomically,it tells there are millions of galaxies
and planets.

Father slaps the son hard and says: Idiot someone has stolen our tent!

Moral : Education doesn't buy commonsense
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Old 19th September 2011, 13:28   #5153
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Tintumon called mobile customer care : My brother Tuttumon had swallowed my SIM card.

CC Lady : What the hell can I do with that?

Tintumon : He is speaking continuously. Want to know if it will affect my talk time balance.
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Old 19th September 2011, 16:09   #5154
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Worried about falling asleep while in classes? Well, not anymore!
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Old 19th September 2011, 18:58   #5155
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Boy to his friend: Because of one Apple we lost the Paradise.

Friend: If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in Paradise

Boy: How?

Friend: Because they would have eaten the snake instead of that bloody Apple!
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Old 19th September 2011, 19:44   #5156
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Originally Posted by Scorcher View Post
Boy to his friend: Because of one Apple we lost the Paradise.

Friend: If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in Paradise

Boy: How?

Friend: Because they would have eaten the snake instead of that bloody Apple!
Speaking of Apple..

Daughter: iPod

Son: iPhone

Mother: iPad

Father: iPay
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Old 19th September 2011, 20:13   #5157
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Companies should pay salaries in petrol. At-least Growth is ensured every 3 months !!!!!!

Last edited by bluevolt : 19th September 2011 at 20:19.
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Old 19th September 2011, 21:12   #5158
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Originally Posted by dre@ms View Post
Test/exercise for the Bhpians.

This is a test from an orthopedic surgeon. It will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t. It's pre programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ’6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

There’s nothing you can do about it!

I came across this long time ago and failed and everyone whom I shared it with failed. While sharing it with a friend, his 5th grade kid was doing his homework overheard us and replied "Oh uncle its so easy - see I can do it" and he indeed was doing it.

What he did left us with an open mouth and shaking heads and made us realize that there are more ways than one to do a thing and how we often don't look at options whatever the situation might be.

All he did was, he wrote the "6" inside out i:e clockwise(the same direction as the rotation of the legs".
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Old 19th September 2011, 21:16   #5159
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A beggar found 100 rs.
He went to 5 star hotel for dinner bill - 3000 rs.
Manager handed him to police.
He gave 100 rs. to police and free.
Its called FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT without MBA.

_____________________________________________

Teacher: Tell me the names of all the planets..!!!

Student: venus...earth...mars...

Teacher: aur suna

Student:Bs badiya...tu suna...

Last edited by bluevolt : 19th September 2011 at 21:17.
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Old 19th September 2011, 21:39   #5160
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluevolt View Post
Companies should pay salaries in petrol. At-least Growth is ensured every 3 months !!!!!!
Hmmm.... only 'quality' was vaporware so far. Now evern salaries would be 'vaporware'. ;-D
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