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Old 10th October 2005, 10:07   #511
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ajmat
a. use an English word like Baby, Merry, Titty, Pearly, Smiley, Anarchy, etc.
Hey, I am aware of everything else but that ... LOL WTH????
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Old 10th October 2005, 17:57   #512
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Hehehe you can't even begin to imagine the types of names in Kerala.
There are names that I can't post in here.. The mods will kick me out.
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Old 11th October 2005, 11:47   #513
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First-year students at a Medical School were receiving their first
anatomy class with a real dead human body...

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with
a white sheet....

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is

necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor".

"The first is that:-

You need not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger
in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his
mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body
and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them


"The second most important quality is observation.


I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn
to pay attention.
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Old 11th October 2005, 12:44   #514
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Default A Mail from a frustrated victim of chained mails

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me
Because of your kindness:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and! try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get
sick from the rat feces and urine.

* When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been
7 since 1993...)

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program would arrive soon.

* My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

* Still open to help some from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle property of some hundred millions $.

* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh Vandana ,Tirupathi Balaji pics etc.. now most of those 'Wishes' are already married(to someone else)
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Old 11th October 2005, 14:22   #515
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V1P3R at his new job!!!

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Old 11th October 2005, 14:28   #516
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If only it had been Dominos ...
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Old 11th October 2005, 14:55   #517
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We were all actually quite fooled, into thinking V1P3r was into engine modification and all, but his role playing days are OVER! The only thing he is supersizing is a 15" pepperoni! HAHAHAHAA
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Old 11th October 2005, 15:10   #518
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi
We were all actually quite fooled, into thinking V1P3r was into engine modification and all, but his role playing days are OVER! The only thing he is supersizing is a 15" pepperoni! HAHAHAHAA
hhhmm well said sam...here is another pic of our very own " tbhp's official pizza hut delivery boy" demonstrating to us how to do stunts..


PS: hey guys pls wait with ur breaths awaited for sam and viveks entry into the official joke thread ...

Last edited by mclaren1885 : 11th October 2005 at 15:12.
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Old 11th October 2005, 16:20   #519
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A beautiful, well endowed, young lady goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions)."

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions carefully."

The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she takes out the instructions and reads them carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1. Take a shower.

2. Splash on some nice perfume.

3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.

4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you. Allow the frog to follow its training.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."

So, the lady calls the pet store. The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over."

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The lady welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says:

"Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
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Old 11th October 2005, 17:35   #520
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Default HR aka High Risk

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying; my friend, you have not worked here for even one day.

The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager: - How many days are there in a year?
Man: - 365 days and some times 366
Manager: - how many hours make up a day?
Man: - 24 hours
Manager: - How long do you work in a day?
Man: - 8 am to 4 pm i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager: - So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man: - (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager: - That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man: - 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager: - Do you come to work on weekends?
Man: - No sir
Manager: - How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man: - 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager: - Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man: - 18 days.
Manager: - OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man: - 4 days
Manager: - Do you work on New Year day?
Man: - No sir!
Manager: - Do you come to work on workers day?
Man: - No sir!
Manager: - So how many days are left?
Man: - 2 days sir!
Manager: - Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man: - No sir!
Manager: - So how many days are left?
Man: - 1 day sir!
Manager: - Do you work on Christmas day?
Man: - No sir!
Manager: - So how many days are left?
Man: - None sir!
Manager: - So, what are you claiming?
Man: - I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral
NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
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Old 11th October 2005, 17:59   #521
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Default Amul ads are always funny

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Old 11th October 2005, 18:09   #522
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hey mohit good one....

nice pic sam.looks like vipers secret is out.


rev
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Old 11th October 2005, 19:00   #523
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Default Baked Beans

> One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
> apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
> beans.
>
> Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
> from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and
> told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.
>
> On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was
> more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would
> walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at
> the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of
> baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the
> gas.
>
> Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
> delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
>
> He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I
> took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
> telephone rang.
>
> He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and
> went to answer the call.
>
> The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
> pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of
> the room seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let
> one go.
>
> It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running
> over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap
> and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other
> cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked
> cabbage.
>
> Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room,
> I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was
> indescribable.
>
> When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my
> freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,
> placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
> relieved and pleased with myself.
>
> My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
> returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
> through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
>
> At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
> seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
>
> I fainted.
>
>
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Old 11th October 2005, 19:02   #524
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Default The Correct Way To Come Home Drunk...

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says:
"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes Up,and Yells at me for staying out so late! "



His friend looks at him and says:
"Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the @ss and say!, WHO'S HORNY????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep! Works Every Time!!!"
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Old 11th October 2005, 19:07   #525
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Default Guess He Told Her!!!

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing
to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and
nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came homeand ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch
me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever
the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are
moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife


Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try
to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did
notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing
that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to
not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER,
becauseI stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you
when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning
and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and
felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I
had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a
reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother
was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free
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