The Official Joke thread

[Scorcher]

And you thought armed daylight robberies were a thing of past!

[Scarlet_Rider]

My credit rating is determined by the Poor's division of Standard & Poor's.

[dar3dev|l]

No offense to all Chelsea fans

[dhanushs]

I wish they had these open during college times!!..

[Oxy]

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.

The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black, but he'd see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.

She says to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?"

"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the undertaker replied.

The wife smiled at the man.

He continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"

[AvinashV]

Qns. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
Ans. He got the sack.

[IronH4WK]

Originally Posted by dhanushs

I wish they had these open during college times!!..

Attachment 823657

why God why! why weren't such facilities available back in my college days!?

[AvinashV]

Originally Posted by IronH4WK

why God why! why weren't such facilities available back in my college days!?

Looking at the quality & location of that advertisement, I am sure that is not a "Ladies" hostel I would like to be around.

[Oxy]

A software engineer dies and goes to Heaven. “There must be some mistake,” the engineer argues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five.” “Fifty five?” says Saint Peter. “No, according to our calculations, you’re eighty two.” “How’s you get that?” the engineer asks. Answers St. Peter: “We added up your time sheets.”

[anjan_c2007]

Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi.....the taxi driver figured that they were not in their right minds......so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off after a while and told them : "we have arrived"......

The first man gave him money.....the second one thanked him.....
but the third one....he slapped the taxi driver.....
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them must have realized that the car didnt move an inch..
so, he asked the third man: "what was that for?"
The third man replied: "control your speed next time you got here so quick you almost killed us....."

[SirAlec]

Originally Posted by AvinashV

Looking at the quality & location of that advertisement, I am sure that is not a "Ladies" hostel I would like to be around.

Its just an advertisement bill board. Definitely the hostel will be somewhere else.

[Sheel]

Little Tom broke his piggy and was counting the $$

His sister asked him as to what does he wish to do with the money?

He says, I am going to buy a present for Grandma as it is her birthday.

Sister was very surprised & happy, so she asked - 'So what does Tom have in his mind as a present'?

Tom - Football?

Sister - Football? What would Grandma do with it?

Tom - Remember, she gifted me the bible.

[Klub Class]

I stumbled across this image in my friend's wall!

[sukiwa]

Few days back, I was browsing 'Official New car reviews' section and reviews of Ford Fiesta & Nissan Sunny were below one another. While scrolling down & subsequent mix of letters in mind, I read car names as 'Ford Siesta' & 'Nissan Funny'.

[Unknownsatan]

Originally Posted by Klub Class

I stumbled across this image in my friend's wall!
Attachment 824246

Lovely!!! Dont think many will understand though.

PS: I just shared the same on my FB