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Old 9th October 2011, 11:23   #5326
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I wish they had these open during college times!!..

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Old 9th October 2011, 12:13   #5327
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Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.

The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black, but he'd see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.

She says to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?"

"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the undertaker replied.

The wife smiled at the man.

He continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"
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Old 9th October 2011, 13:44   #5328
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Qns. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
Ans. He got the sack.
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Old 9th October 2011, 15:37   #5329
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I wish they had these open during college times!!..

Attachment 823657
why God why! why weren't such facilities available back in my college days!?
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Old 9th October 2011, 15:41   #5330
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why God why! why weren't such facilities available back in my college days!?
Looking at the quality & location of that advertisement, I am sure that is not a "Ladies" hostel I would like to be around.
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Old 9th October 2011, 16:11   #5331
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A software engineer dies and goes to Heaven. “There must be some mistake,” the engineer argues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five.” “Fifty five?” says Saint Peter. “No, according to our calculations, you’re eighty two.” “How’s you get that?” the engineer asks. Answers St. Peter: “We added up your time sheets.”
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Old 9th October 2011, 19:25   #5332
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Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi.....the taxi driver figured that they were not in their right minds......so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off after a while and told them : "we have arrived"......

The first man gave him money.....the second one thanked him.....
but the third one....he slapped the taxi driver.....
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them must have realized that the car didnt move an inch..
so, he asked the third man: "what was that for?"
The third man replied: "control your speed next time you got here so quick you almost killed us....."
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Old 9th October 2011, 22:48   #5333
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Looking at the quality & location of that advertisement, I am sure that is not a "Ladies" hostel I would like to be around.
Its just an advertisement bill board. Definitely the hostel will be somewhere else.
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Old 10th October 2011, 09:09   #5334
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Little Tom broke his piggy and was counting the $$

His sister asked him as to what does he wish to do with the money?

He says, I am going to buy a present for Grandma as it is her birthday.

Sister was very surprised & happy, so she asked - 'So what does Tom have in his mind as a present'?

Tom - Football?

Sister - Football? What would Grandma do with it?

Tom - Remember, she gifted me the bible.
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Old 10th October 2011, 09:29   #5335
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I stumbled across this image in my friend's wall!

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Old 10th October 2011, 10:16   #5336
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Few days back, I was browsing 'Official New car reviews' section and reviews of Ford Fiesta & Nissan Sunny were below one another. While scrolling down & subsequent mix of letters in mind, I read car names as 'Ford Siesta' & 'Nissan Funny'.
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Old 10th October 2011, 10:24   #5337
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I stumbled across this image in my friend's wall!
Attachment 824246
Lovely!!! Dont think many will understand though.

PS: I just shared the same on my FB
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Old 10th October 2011, 10:32   #5338
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VEGETARIAN: Ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can't hunt, fish or ride.
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Old 10th October 2011, 10:37   #5339
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For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood, or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million (This refers to the US population).

140 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Saddam Hussein. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments, and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are sitting, at your computer, reading jokes.

Nice, real nice.

Last edited by ajmat : 10th October 2011 at 12:19.
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Old 10th October 2011, 11:05   #5340
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A country doctor is suturing a laceration on the hand of an old farmer.

Old man: "All you need to know about politics is that young George Bush is a post turtle."

Doctor: "Oh? What is a post turtle?"

Old man: "When yer driving down a country road, and ya come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top? That's a post turtle. Ya know he didn't get there by himself, he don't belong there, he cain't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help take the poor thang down."

Last edited by ajmat : 10th October 2011 at 12:20.
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