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Old 14th October 2011, 14:55   #5401
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Guys who know George Carlin. This one is one of his best.



WARNING: Like all stand-up comedies this has a good sprinkling of swear words.
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Old 14th October 2011, 15:07   #5402
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

An advt for a used, second hand BMW: (a pic of of a really hot chick lying on a bed and the slogan below is) 'You know your are not the first, but do you really care?'
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Old 14th October 2011, 17:46   #5403
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OBAMA AND QUEEN ELIZABETH

As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to President Obama, " Mr. President, please accept my regrets... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."

Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," replied: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.
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Old 14th October 2011, 20:02   #5404
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Default Re: New sfatey seat belt

Supposed to reduce accidents by 45%
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Old 14th October 2011, 20:22   #5405
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Astleviz View Post
Supposed to reduce accidents by 45%
This image was shared on this thread, and elsewhere umpteen times, for the record!
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Old 14th October 2011, 21:45   #5406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Astleviz View Post
Supposed to reduce accidents by 45%
you're hereby condored!!

i know its difficult to search for images!
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Old 14th October 2011, 22:17   #5407
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You bet, especially on a thread that has 360 pages and over 5300 posts
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Old 14th October 2011, 22:46   #5408
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MY DOCTOR...

Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again.

He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years, before he realized she was Chinese.

Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.

While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."

Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."

One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?"

I remember one time I told my doctor I had some ringing sound in my ears. His advice:"Don't answer it."

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these - If they don't work, give me a ring."

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop going to those places.

You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, Then he says,"I wish you had come to me sooner."

Last edited by anjan_c2007 : 14th October 2011 at 22:47.
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Old 15th October 2011, 00:45   #5409
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Hitler's Reaction to the Mahindra XUV5oo launch!!

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Old 15th October 2011, 02:25   #5410
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a body shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...

"HELLLLO" "You need to wind up the windows"
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Old 15th October 2011, 11:18   #5411
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Here's a good one !
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Old 15th October 2011, 18:48   #5412
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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf and dumb. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not haveto testify in court.When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where's the money? The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "where's the money?"

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about" The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's temple and says, "Ask him again!"The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido signs back, "OK.! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

"The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the nerve to pull the trigger."

Lawyers, I say!
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Old 15th October 2011, 19:28   #5413
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a huge birthday cake on the phone.
The salesman asked him what message, he wanted to put on the cake. He thought for a moment, and said, put "you're getting older, but you're getting better".
The salesman asked "how do you want me to put it?".
The man said 'Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom.
When the cake was unveiled, at the party, all the guests were aghast at the message, on the cake.
It read: "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom"!!
Moral of the Story:
1. Always proof-read everything before you send.
2. Don't trust others to write it right for you.
3. NEVER order cakes by telephone.
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Old 15th October 2011, 20:00   #5414
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

This one is too good. I had a hearty laugh on reading the first one only
Name:  joke2.jpg
Views: 2154
Size:  47.8 KB

The second one is already on the thread but that few years back
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Old 15th October 2011, 20:52   #5415
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by salbin View Post
Hitler's Reaction to the Mahindra XUV5oo launch!!
Real good one. Also tweeted by Anand Mahindra
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