Go Back   Team-BHP > Around the Corner > Shifting gears


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 1st December 2011, 12:36   #5791
Senior - BHPian
 
mayankk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New Delhi
Posts: 4,056
Thanked: 3,226 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

This from a mail i received:

"Here is the Attached Invoice for the Month December.

Do call me for any Confusion."





Rather not.Have enough to last me till the apocalypse!!
mayankk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 12:44   #5792
Distinguished - BHPian
 
Scorcher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Trivandrum, KL
Posts: 4,719
Thanked: 4,637 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

From a friend's Facebook status update:

"Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words." - Woody Allen

Scorcher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 13:17   #5793
Team-BHP Support
 
suhaas307's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 8,005
Thanked: 6,160 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Another friend's status message on Facebook:

"Exams + Facebook = Your face is in the wrong book!"

Funny thing is, it's Team BHP that is honestly, more distracting, right now!
suhaas307 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 13:25   #5794
Senior - BHPian
 
esteem_lover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Madras/Py
Posts: 7,554
Thanked: 433 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by anilisanil View Post
weapons of mass destruction


Attachment 850221


Anil, that pic looks straight out of a mallu movie. The look on the guy in black shirt is priceless, hope he marries her sometime.
esteem_lover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 14:56   #5795
BHPian
 
adg_andy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Kolkata
Posts: 431
Thanked: 158 Times
Talking Re: The Official Joke thread

Kids Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ..
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right..... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
______________ ___________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
adg_andy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 15:05   #5796
Senior - BHPian
 
anilisanil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Pune
Posts: 1,435
Thanked: 287 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by adg_andy View Post
...............
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
is there a word for it, otherwise?
anilisanil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 15:10   #5797
Senior - BHPian
 
mayankk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New Delhi
Posts: 4,056
Thanked: 3,226 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by anilisanil
is there a word for it, otherwise?
Yeh.
Generic term is "Yakkus non-interestus"
Also called "news" on aaj-tak.

Last edited by mayankk : 1st December 2011 at 15:12.
mayankk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 15:14   #5798
Senior - BHPian
 
bluevolt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Delhi
Posts: 2,885
Thanked: 2,045 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

A silly tourist asked a boatguy: "do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography,Geology?"

The boat guy said: "NO to all the questions".

The tourist then said: "What the hell you know on the face of this
earth ? You will die of illiteracy !!

After a while, the boat started sinking, so the
boatman asked the tourist: "Do you know Swimology and Escapology from
Crocodilogy?"

The tourist said: NO !!

The boat guy replied: "Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will
eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology" :P
bluevolt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 17:07   #5799
BHPian
 
prashant.dinkar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ellicott City/New Delhi
Posts: 77
Thanked: 52 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

After robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!

**************************

Three friends were working in a same office & lived in a same flat which is in the 110th floor in New York City. One day while they were
returning from their office the lift was not working. So they decided to climb by foot to their 110th floor.

To pass the time & not get bored they agreed to tell some story, that 1st person should tell a story on war, 2nd person a romance & 3rd
person a very sad story.

First person told about US & Vietnam War they reached 50th floor,
Second person completed his romance story when they reached 109th floor.
Now it's turn for the third person to tell a very sad story
.
.
.
He told "I have forgotten to bring the Flat Key".

*************************************

Aerial Photos

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."

The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
================================================== ===========================================
Blind Pilots

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

Last edited by prashant.dinkar : 1st December 2011 at 17:25.
prashant.dinkar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 18:13   #5800
Distinguished - BHPian
 
Scorcher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Trivandrum, KL
Posts: 4,719
Thanked: 4,637 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Time for the "Kanth" duo!

Vijayakanth: Dinner treat machi, come to "Bobby Ganesan".
Rajnikanth: Come to what?
Vijayakanth: Bobby Ganesan da.
Rajni: I don’t know the place, I’ll come to your house, you take me there.
Vijayakanth: What da, You don’t know Bobby Ganesan?? Ok ok come here.(Rajni goes to vijayakanth’s house, n leaves in his car to the place)
Rajni : You fool, it's "Barbeque Nation!"

__________________________________________________ ___________

Rajni: Machi, did you listen to the kalasala song in Osthi?
Vijaykant: Yes, the tamil remake for that "Unni Padmanabhan" song right?
Rajni: What?
Vijaykant: That song from Dabang?
Rajni: You fool, it's "Munni Badnam Hui!"

__________________________________________________ ____________

Vijayakanth: Do you know who is the son of Mahatma Gandhi?
Rajnikanth: Don't know man.
Vijayakanth: You don't even know this? His son name is "Dinesan".
Rajni: How do you know???
Vijayakanth: Even small kid knows that "Mahatma Gandhi is father of Dinesan"
Rajni: You fool, that's not Dinesan, its "The Nation!"

Scorcher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 19:16   #5801
BHPian
 
neofromcapone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Bombay
Posts: 271
Thanked: 103 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by suhaas307 View Post
Another friend's status message on Facebook:

"Exams + Facebook = Your face is in the wrong book!"

Funny thing is, it's Team BHP that is honestly, more distracting, right now!
I completely agree with you Suhaas, at times your need the resolve of a monk to stay away.

Note from the Team-BHP Support Team: Post edited. References to alcohol in any way, directly or indirectly is not permitted. Read the board rules before posting any further.

Last edited by n_aditya : 2nd December 2011 at 11:02.
neofromcapone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 20:09   #5802
vsh
BHPian
 
vsh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: sirsi
Posts: 102
Thanked: 9 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scorcher View Post
Time for the "Kanth" duo!

______________________________

Vijayakanth: Do you know who is the son of Mahatma Gandhi?
Rajnikanth: Don't know man.
Vijayakanth: You don't even know this? His son name is "Dinesan".
Rajni: How do you know???
Vijayakanth: Even small kid knows that "Mahatma Gandhi is father of Dinesan"
Rajni: You fool, that's not Dinesan, its "The Nation!"

hilarious, it made my mood
vsh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2011, 20:17   #5803
Senior - BHPian
 
Fordmanchau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Hyderabad
Posts: 1,663
Thanked: 291 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

I hope nobody has posted this before. Got this from Facebook

Name:  Kolaveri.jpg
Views: 6650
Size:  24.7 KB

I really now believe in Rajnikanth's power. No other way this song could have gone viral. Jai ho Rajnikanth ki!!!
Fordmanchau is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd December 2011, 08:29   #5804
Distinguished - BHPian
 
Scorcher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Trivandrum, KL
Posts: 4,719
Thanked: 4,637 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Howlarious stuff!!!

Last edited by Scorcher : 2nd December 2011 at 08:54.
Scorcher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd December 2011, 09:00   #5805
Distinguished - BHPian
 
dhanushs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Bathery/BLR
Posts: 3,406
Thanked: 3,930 Times
Default Re: The Official Joke thread

English teachers rule!!..


1. Open the windows, let the Air Force come in.

2. Shhh... silence, the principal has just passed away.

3. There is no wind in the football.

4. I talk,he talk, Why you middle talk?

5. You rotate the ground four times.

6. You go 'n understand the tree.

7. I'll give you clap.

8. Bring your parents with Your Mom 'n Dad

9. Why Haircut not cut?

10. Go and stand in the corner of that circle.
dhanushs is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Time for a Holiday Joke? Steeroid Shifting gears 9 24th December 2005 20:51
A Nelson joke Dippy Shifting gears 6 8th September 2004 23:12


All times are GMT +5.5. The time now is 03:33.

Copyright 2000 - 2017, Team-BHP.com
Proudly powered by E2E Networks