The Official Joke thread

[sajid33]

Santa was inserting a dog's tail into a pipe ,
Banta - Oye ! don't you know , a dog's tail never straightens up ??
Santa - Idiot ! I'm bending the pipe !!

One day James Bond goes to buy a pan. The pan walla asks him 4 Rs. for the pan but James Bond gives him only 1.5 rs.

When paan waala asks him for the rest of the money, Bond replies…??
Dhai(2.5) another day!

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Two Lovers plan to commit Suicide.
Boy jumped first. Girl closed her eyes, and returned back saying Love is Blind.
The Boy, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies.

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Santa received an invitation, to a party
which said “Black Tie Only”!!

When he went to the party he was surprised to
find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts
as well !!!!

Santa is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has clock tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Santa says “Yes”.

“Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder”.

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Santa figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day, santa is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock,

“Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder.”

Santa gives him the thousand and says, “I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I’ll go get a ladder.”

Note from the Team-BHP Support Team: Please use the "edit" button if posting within 30 minutes of the first post, instead of creating another back-to-back post.

[BANDHAV]

^^Some nice jokes there Sajid but please use the edit button while posting again within 30 mins of last post instead of creating back to back post.

You seems to be a really old member but still I would request you to go through the forum rules once/once again to have an infraction free stay here.

Anyway keep the jokes coming.

[ssh1979]

Originally Posted by mallumowgli

Sir - In which city in TN did you find power not being used for only 2 hours? Joke is on us, non-Chennai dwellers.

I understand mallumowgli. Atleast in my area in Chennai, the stated power cut is 2 hrs daily (10am-12pm). But on 13-Mar, there was a power cut from 9am-5pm. And I know of other places in TN where my relatives are based, and they suffer 10-12 hrs of power cuts daily

In our own organization, which is 50kms south of Chennai, the power cuts are in effect and we are running on diesel daily. To cut costs many facilities that were earlier provided to employees are being cut.

[sajid33]

Originally Posted by BANDHAV

^^Some nice jokes there Sajid but please use the edit button while posting again within 30 mins of last post instead of creating back to back post.

You seems to be a really old member but still I would request you to go through the forum rules once/once again to have an infraction free stay here.

Anyway keep the jokes coming.

Point taken ! Will keep that in mind , created more than one post because i had around 20 -30 jokes in my mind when i started to post them here , i felt my post would look really long if i posted all the jokes in a single post.

[Irish]

They need a YetiGuide® therefore dedicated to Sam:



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Now a joke:

2 Lovers park mein tree ke piche romance kar rahe they, Tabhi 1 budha aadmi aaya aur bola "Beta kya yehi hamari Sanskriti hai?"

Ladka Bola "Nahi uncle, ye to Pallavi hai. Aap galat ped ke piche aa gaye"

English Translation:
2 lovers were romancing behind a tree. An old man came and said "Is this our sanskriti (culture)?"

Boy said "No uncle. This is Pallavi. You have come behind a wrong tree."


Cheers!
Irish

[Joy]

Height of facebook addiction:
A boy's fb status: "I'm online on fb during lecture hahaha"
Coment from his professor: "Get out of the class now"
Dean liked coment...!
Friend comented: "Jaldi aa yaar, cafe me fit mahol hay"
Gate keeper's comment: "Saab pehle idhar aa ke apni bike lock kar dena"
Mom commented: "Nalaiq class nahi parhni to sabzi le ke seedha ghar wapis aa."

[English translation:
...
Friend comented: "Come soon yaar, cafe is rocking"
Gate keeper's comment: "Sir, First you come here and lock your bike"
Mom commented: "You Worthless! if you are not in class, please bring vegetables from the market and come home immediately."

[Anand123]

I wanna wish my son 13th birthday today.. I don't have a son.. But some day he is gonna enter T-BHP and go through all these posts and realize how much I think of him. Its gonna be quite emotional...happy birthday son.. Daddy loves u a lot.

[fine69]

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven.

When he got there, he had to wait in the reception area, which was about the size of Massachusetts. There were millions of people living in tents. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks, while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd.

Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, a staffer in his late teens approached him. The young man was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow letters.

"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice. "My name is Gabriel and I'll be your induction coordinator."

Bill started to ask a question, but Gabriel interrupted him.

"No, I'm not the Archangel Gabriel. I'm a guy from Philadelphia named Gabriel who died in a car wreck at 17. Now give me your name, last name first, unless you were Chinese, in which case it's first name first."

"Gates, Bill."

Gabriel started searching through the sheaf of papers on his clipboard, looking for Bill's Record of Earthly Works.

"What's going on here?" asked Bill. "Why are all these people here? Where's St. Peter? Where are the pearly gates?"

Gabriel ignored the questions until he located Bill's records. "It says here that you were the president of a large software company. Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Well do the math! When this St. Peter business started, it was easy. Only a hundred or so people died every day, and Peter could handle it by himself."

"But now there are over five billion people on earth. When God said to 'go forth and multiply,' he didn't say 'like rabbits!' Ten thousand people die every hour, over a quarter-million a day. Do you think Peter can meet them all personally?"

"I guess not."

"You guess right. So he had to franchise the operation. Now, Peter is the CEO of Team Peter Enterprises, Inc. Franchisees like me handle the actual inductions."

Gabriel looked though his paperwork some more and then continued. "Your paperwork seems to be in order. And with a background like yours, you'll be getting a plum job assignment."

"Job assignment?"

"Of course. Did you expect to spend eternity sitting on your bum and drinking ambrosia? Heaven is a big operation. You have to pull your weight around here!"
Gabriel took out a triplicate form, had Bill sign at the bottom, and then tore out the middle copy and handed it to Bill. "Take this down to induction center no. 23 and meet up with your occupational coordinator. His name is Abraham--and no, he's not that Abraham."

Bill walked to induction center no. 23 and met with Abraham after a mere six-hour wait.

"Heaven is centuries behind in building its data-processing infrastructure," explained Abraham. "As you've seen, we're still doing everything on paper. It takes us a week just to process new entries. Your job will be to supervise Heaven's new data processing center."

"We're building the largest computing facility in creation. Half a million computers connected by a multisegment fiber-optic network, all running into a back-end server network with a thousand CPUs on a gigabit channel. Fault tolerant, distributed processing, the works."

Bill could barely contain his excitement. "Wow! What a great job! This is really Heaven!"

"We're just finishing construction, and we'll be starting operations soon. Would you like to go see the center now?"

"You bet!"

Abraham and Bill caught the shuttle bus and went to Heaven's new data processing center. It was a truly huge facility, a hundred times bigger than the Astrodome. Workers were crawling all over the place, getting the miles of fiber optic cables properly installed.

But the center was dominated by the computers. Half a million computers, arranged nearly row-by-row, half a million...

Macintoshes... All running Linux software! All open source! Not a single byte of Microsoft code!

The thought of spending eternity using products he had spent his whole life working to destroy was too much for Bill.

He exclaimed. "What about Windows??? Excel??? Word???"

"You're forgetting something," said Abraham.

"What's that?" asked Bill plaintively.

"This is Heaven," explained Abraham. "If you want to build a data processing center based on PCs running Windows, then you'll have to go elsewhere!"

[motomaverick]

Not seen on a car but a parking place, who said China is invading India in Kashmir

[saurabhdadhichi]

Santa's chinese wife dies 1 year after mariage...
Banta tries 2 console but not sure what 2 say


suddenly blurts

Yaar chinese thi.. Aur kitne din chalti.?.

English translation:

Santa's chinese wife dies 1 year after mariage...
Banta tries 2 console but not sure what 2 say


suddenly blurts

Don't worry my friend after all Chinese items don't last for long ;-)

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Friendship is an interpersonal and immediate understanding of interactional ways of peculiaristic & democratically undefined methods of controlling emotional hyperbolic reactions.....



Yunhi friend-friend bolne se kuch nahi hota..

Definition pataa honi chahiye Definition.
Samjhe.

English translation:

Friendship is an interpersonal and immediate understanding of interactional ways of peculiaristic & democratically undefined methods of controlling emotional hyperbolic reactions.....


.


Just by calling friend friend one does not become friend

One should also know the real definition of Friendship :-)

[mitrajdeep]

I will never be like my Dad.

Because I will never have a super awesome son like he did.

[karty_83]

Nice ones Source : Facebook

[Scorcher]

One for Mallus, don't miss the end!

Friends for ever... - YouTube

[Warwithwheels]

Few of the best ones from Facebook

[adg_andy]

Originally Posted by Warwithwheels

Few of the best ones from Facebook



Attachment 903515

There are two "the" s