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Old 9th April 2013, 10:48   #7756
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

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Originally Posted by ghodlur View Post
This has been posted upteem no of times. What happened to Condor and the jokes being "Condored"?
Condor got married sometime back. Therefore, he has gotten used to repetitions of statements, commands, questions, etc.
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Old 9th April 2013, 11:06   #7757
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Condor got married sometime back. Therefore, he has gotten used to repetitions of statements, commands, questions, etc.
In Honor of Condor

Husband wife watching an IPL match together:
After 5 minutes:

Wife: Is this Bret Lee?
Husband: No, this is Chris Gayle, Bret Lee is a bowler.
Wife: Okay, oh look, another wicket.
Husband: No, this is just a replay of the last one.
Wife: Hmm, looks like India is going to win this one.

Husband: It's Bangalore vs Mumbai.
Wife: How many runs they need to win now?
Husband: 72 runs in 36 balls.
Wife: Eh! That's easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball.
Husband: *Turns off the TV*

Wife: *Turns it on again and starts watching Sarswati Chand*
Husband: Who is Sarswati Chand here?
Wife: Don't you dare to disturb me
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Old 9th April 2013, 11:13   #7758
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A man buys a huge new car and shows it to his neighbor. "Its great" says the neighbor, "but does it have a bed in like mine?" But your car is tiny says the man.
Yes but watch this, the neighbor presses a button on his tiny car's dashboard and a bed unfolds.

The man rushes back to the car showroom and demands a bed be fitted to his new car. The next day the man takes his huge car ( now fitted with a bed ) to show his neighbor but the neighbor is out. The man drives around looking for the neighbor and sees his car parked up in a rest stop with all the windows steamed up! The man goes to the car and starts banging on the window. There is no signs of the neighbor and the windows are too steamed up to see inside. He bangs again, and again and eventually the neighbor (naked), wipes a circle into the steamed up window.

"What the hell do you want?"

"My car has a bed like yours!"

"GEEZ! you got me out the shower to tell me that!!!"

.

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Condor got married sometime back. Therefore, he has gotten used to repetitions of statements, commands, questions, etc.

Last edited by Blue Thunder : 9th April 2013 at 11:15.
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Old 9th April 2013, 12:50   #7759
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Originally Posted by sharc_biker View Post
Toyota Cowrolla! 100% green

Attachment 1070065
Its a ( Un ) official driver training program , by the (Un ) company .

* Edit , Ohh , its not adding to my post No. or the Thanks No. :(

Last edited by Sudarshan : 9th April 2013 at 12:51.
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Old 15th April 2013, 14:45   #7760
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samurai View Post
Condor got married sometime back. Therefore, he has gotten used to repetitions of statements, commands, questions, etc.
Nice try, Samu san . But if you noticed, my last post here was on 23-Feb-2012.
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Old 15th April 2013, 15:33   #7761
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Welcome back condor . We shall all be condored from now(i know its got old )

Here is a picture that says it all

339VCAJANI63CARDYWTECAB2ENIPCAFVD83NCAA6FVT7CADAYXX3CA1ADS83CA1T0FOJCAXS1NOOCAWV2O3KCA7D4Y2QCA4U73Z8

*Edit: I have no idea why the image is coming in its original name. That aside i found this image online.

Last edited by Arch-Angel : 15th April 2013 at 15:35.
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Old 16th April 2013, 19:01   #7762
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Originally Posted by Blue Thunder View Post
"GEEZ! you got me out the shower to tell me that!!!"
I remembered this one from reader's digest. And that was almost 20 years ago!
Wow! Real memories !
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Old 22nd April 2013, 19:40   #7763
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Name:  image3416778768.jpg
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The jaguar.
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Old 22nd April 2013, 20:57   #7764
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Once a kid asked 'Sir Ravindra Jadeja' something, but Sir Jadeja didn't understand and said - Wat Son?
The kid is now known as Shane Watson!
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Old 23rd April 2013, 13:39   #7765
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Haa Haa Haa...
Source: electronic mail
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Old 30th April 2013, 12:26   #7766
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Saw it on another forum.


A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."
The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd..."
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Old 3rd May 2013, 15:28   #7767
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Was going through the Pets section in OLX for some pups and this is what I found.

Fell off the chair laughing!
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Old 3rd May 2013, 16:54   #7768
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Originally Posted by Scorcher View Post
Was going through the Pets section in OLX for some pups and this is what I found.

Fell off the chair laughing!
God knows how many of those varieties of dogs he has sold so far.

On the other hand, this could be secretive advertising for koalas.
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Old 9th May 2013, 11:03   #7769
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Don't know if this has been shared. But here it is

​We all know how we feared our exams, the day when we sat for them and the experiences where we might have thought numerous times that the wrong subject paper was given to us. Here are some answers written by 16 year olds from all across the world.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

3. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

4. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

5. Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

6. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

7. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking

8. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died of this.

9. During the Renaissance, history began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America whilst cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

10. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

My personal favourite paper to mark, was completely empty apart from one sentence. " Jesus, Please Help Me."
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
- Presumably also the inspiration of Vivaldi (don't forget the Ketchup)
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be
made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
- (dead sheep could really block your tap)
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
(can't argue with that)
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
TECHNOLOGY
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
(to keep him cool in the desert ?)

Last edited by Arch-Angel : 9th May 2013 at 11:05.
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Old 9th May 2013, 12:35   #7770
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

nice ones mate!!

almost fell off my chair laughing when i read this:

Quote:
3. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
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