Go Back   Team-BHP > Around the Corner > Shifting gears


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 29th December 2005, 20:07   #766
cnu
BHPian
 
cnu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 248
Thanked: 30 Times
Default

Hahaha... that was a good one... and scalable too... we can put upto 10 (?) locks and increase the security ... LOL
cnu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2005, 21:32   #767
BHPian
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Detroit
Posts: 128
Thanked: 8 Times
Default

Hi brainscooper,
Read a similar one to yours.....but it involved Microsoft and GM instead of Toyota.... anyway.... had a good laugh.
vinod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2005, 21:46   #768
Max
BHPian
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Thane
Posts: 534
Thanked: 85 Times
Default

perfect in my openion
Max is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2005, 21:56   #769
Senior - BHPian
 
revtech's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Bombay
Posts: 1,988
Thanked: 35 Times
Default

if a lot of force is applied wont it damage the disc brake ?

Rev
revtech is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2005, 11:13   #770
Senior - BHPian
 
abhibh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Back in the HOOD near you!
Posts: 2,767
Thanked: 33 Times
Default

Some true facts about girls
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you praise her,
she thinks you are lying
If you don't,
you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes,
you are a wimp
If you don't,
you are not understanding

If you visit her often,
she thinks you are boring
If you don't,
she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed,
she says you are a playboy
If you don't,
you are a dull boy

If you are jealous,
she says it's bad
If you don't,
she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance,
she says you didn't respect her
If you don't,
she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late,
she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late,
she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man,
you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman,
"oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her,
you are not a gentleman
If you don't,
you are not a man


If you fail to help her in crossing the street,
you lack ethics
If you do,
she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for
seduction

If you stare at another woman,
she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men,
she says that they are just admiring

If you talk,
she wants you to listen
If you listen,
she wants you to talk

In short:

So simple, yet so complex......
So weak, yet so powerful.........
So confusing, yet so desirable.
So damning, yet so wonderful
abhibh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2005, 11:14   #771
Senior - BHPian
 
abhibh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Back in the HOOD near you!
Posts: 2,767
Thanked: 33 Times
Default

Are you a prostitute or a software consultant...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions you attend.)

14. Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you're left hanging with only other "professionals."

15. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

16. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

17. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs.

18. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.

19. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.

20. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).

21. You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.

22. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away smiling.

23. The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

24. When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

25. Everyday you wake up and tell yourself, "I'm not going to be doing this stuff the rest of my life."
abhibh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2005, 11:17   #772
Senior - BHPian
 
abhibh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Back in the HOOD near you!
Posts: 2,767
Thanked: 33 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tapan
You forgot one Skoda = so keep on doggling around.
lol this was hilarious..
LMAO.
abhibh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2005, 11:17   #773
Senior - BHPian
 
abhibh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Back in the HOOD near you!
Posts: 2,767
Thanked: 33 Times
Default

Why Microsoft shouldn't make cars

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments/General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart;
in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to buy
more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that's powered by the sun, more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same butt size.

9. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps, even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.
abhibh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2005, 16:51   #774
Senior - BHPian
 
normally_crazy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Mumbai
Posts: 4,367
Thanked: 387 Times
Default

check this out its http://www.andyfoulds.co.uk/amusement/bushv2.htm
normally_crazy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2005, 20:01   #775
Senior - BHPian
 
DCEite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: NCR
Posts: 3,037
Thanked: 464 Times
Talking Pakistani Maths Question Paper

PAKISTANI MATHS QUESTION PAPER
i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.
ii) Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will be forced to join Al Qayda group .
iii) AK 47's and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. Students may keep their daggers, revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self defense.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Math Exam Time : 3 hours
Maximum Marks : 100
All questions are compulsory.



1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder. He has 7 wives in his house. Abdul distributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul has 1700 Rupaye left in his house. Abdul's oldest wife needs atleast 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve.

2. Karim is a drug seller. Prices per gram of marijuana, hasis, haroine and LHD are 50, 60, 70, 80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buy more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim, a buyer gets Rupaye 7 discount per gram, find out the grams of LHD he bought.

3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of its original shape each time. Find the percentage deformation of the ball due to tampering in a one day series match against India in which Imran bowled 9.4 overs.

4. Mohammed has a Company named Al Pervez Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited. He has to threat 10 people per day over Telephone. 40% of the people he threats are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are businessman in Delhi, 20% are cricket players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepers in Calcutta . If ISD charges are Rupaye 15, 25, 40, 50 per minute from Mohammed's city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi, Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month,
find out the number of cinema stars in Mumbai, threatened in that particular month.

5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak 47, one Ak 49, one Rocket Launcher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its Rugroots after training. One Ak 47 costs 100$; one Ak 49 costs 150 $, a Bazuka rocket Launcher costs 50 $, a grenade is for 3 $ per piece, a pack of RDX Bomb attached with remote Control is 500 $. The terrorist group admits 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are lost or shunted out while training. Find the amt. of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt. has to provide each year to run such a group.

6. If stability of a democratic Govt. in Pakistan is given by the following equation X exp3 + X exp2 -16 = i ; Find out X.

7. Probability of a Pakistani Prime Minister to be shot is 78 %. Probability of a Military General to be shot is 42%. Find the joint probability of a Prime Minister to be shot who is also a Military General.

8. Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem with Osama BIn Ladens Correction (That is taking the value of PI = 786, instead of 3.14.....), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon.

9. A 'GHAURI' controlled missile tries to fly from Drass to Kargil which is not too far from Drass (say 100 miles) and is exactly to the East of Drass . The wind is blowing from the South and the speed of the wind is exactly equal to the speed of the missile. The controller decides to steer straight to Kargil all the time during the flight. Will the missile ever reach Kargil? What if the speed of the wind is k times the speed of the missile, where k is a positive number (can be greater or less than 1)? Try to sketch the trajectory of the missile (with respect to the ground, of course) in each of the three cases: k=1, k>1 and k<1.

10. Briefly discuss the Unsolved problem of "Bisection of a Triangle" with a Compass and an unmarked ruler if the triangle is named as KASHMIR

Last edited by ajmat : 7th February 2006 at 08:48.
DCEite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2006, 14:11   #776
BHPian
 
ArmourOfGod's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Mumbai
Posts: 150
Thanked: 0 Times
Default

Does it get any better than this?, wow, good find man.
ArmourOfGod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2006, 21:41   #777
BHPian
 
nishant_kingpin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Delhi
Posts: 334
Thanked: 2 Times
Default Sardarjis mom writes a letter...

Dear beta,

I am in a well here and hoping you in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles away from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. Hopefully, by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine situated right above the commode. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt sait it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way, I took bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for 3 days.

Your best friend Balwinder is no more. He died trying to fulfill his fathers last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love Mom.

P.S.: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter. :
nishant_kingpin is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2006, 21:46   #778
BHPian
 
nishant_kingpin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Delhi
Posts: 334
Thanked: 2 Times
Default SMS Messages

Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ? Mind u - it's really very very urgent, damn serious and very imp ..... I'm playing cards and we've misplaced the JOKER.
/***********************************************/
Good looks catch the eyes but Good Personality catches the heart, You are blessed with both!. FLATTERED?. Don't Be, it was sent to me, I just wanted you to read it.
/***********************************************/

Shah Jahan Ne Taj Mahal Ki Har Deewar Ko Dekha, Har Meenar Ko Dekha, Har Kaleen Ko Dekha, Har Khidki Se Dekha... Aur Bola... Maa Kasam, Bahut Kharcha Ho Gaya !!!
/***********************************************/

Good morning...Have u done two of the most important things when you wake up today?
1)Pray, so that u may live... 2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!
/***********************************************/

Can u pronounce good english:- read along woof, roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof,
loof, roof, poof, woof woof, hoof, woof, roof, shoof.
Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.
/***********************************************/

If u hide, i'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, i'll search 4 u. If u'll leave,|i'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, i'll fight 4 u. But, if u stop sending msgs, i'll kill you.
/***********************************************/

Beta bola "papa papa mujhe bandar dekhna hai". Papa bole, "Nahi bete, abhi nahi". "Papa kyon ?"
..........
"Bete abhi bandar SMS padh raha hai"
/***********************************************/

I saw something in a shop window. It was stunning, cute, simply adorable. I was supposed 2 buy it 4 u, then I realised it was my reflection.
/***********************************************/

To live a life, one needs brains, reflex, perception, looks, IQ, knowledge,way of ____expression & many more mental qualities. Hats off 2 u coz u manage 2 live without them.
/***********************************************/
Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 "world peace". That's impossible, he said.
Then I asked him 2 give u brains. He said "Let me try world peace"
/***********************************************/

Falling in love is a sweet ambition, finding true love is a life time mission.. Take my word,follow the Indian tradition & marry ur dad's ugly decision.
/***********************************************/

From Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed.
For me, you've always been........... a headache !
/***********************************************/

1 day u'll B srprisd 2C ME beside U. U & ME laughing, U & ME crying, U & ME dreaming, U & ME holding on, U & ME... just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.
/***********************************************/

I cannot hide this from u any more. I don't want 2 hurt u and I feel it's best if I tell u, before you hear it from someone else ............ Potato Prices Have Gone Up !
/***********************************************/
Maine puchha chand se "dekha hai kahin mere yaar sa hasin", chand ne kaha "saale itni upar se dikhta hai kya".
/***********************************************/

If u save this msg, it means I'm cute. If u edit this, I'm still cute. If u fwd this, u r spreading that i'm cute & if u erase this, u r jealous of me coz i'm cute!
/***********************************************/

Zindagi mein tum bahut aage jaaoge, kyonki jahan bhi tum jaooge, sab kahenge, chal be chal aage chal.
/***********************************************/

This msg. will refresh your brain in 5 seconds. 5.... 4.... 3.... 2....1....
Error : No Brain Detected !!
/***********************************************/

Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness, you gave me light. You* gave me strength 2 make life bright. Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT
nishant_kingpin is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2006, 22:11   #779
Senior - BHPian
 
Gordon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Mumbai
Posts: 2,420
Thanked: 162 Times
Default Kaun Banega Crore Pati claims its first victim!

Didn't want to open a topic, but wanted to share this. UNBELIEVABLE AND SAD!!!!!

New Delhi- The tremendously popular TV game show,"Kaun Banega Crore
Pati"
claimed its victim in the capital. Mrs Neelam Arora, utterly disgusted
with
her husband's inability to answer the simplest of questions, divorced
him
immediately after the end of the show.

The entire event has shaken the
capital to the core and has left the local populace in a state of daze.
Mrs
Neelam Arora, when contacted, was all fire and fury. "How can you stay
married to a dumb brick who cannot answer even the first 1000 Rupees
question? Even a 6 year old can answer such questions, but my husband,
I
mean, my ex-husband *%$#@&*(unprintable) couldn't do it.
That's why; I called a lawyer immediately and filed divorce papers."
She
also added that all her friends and relatives supported her move.
She also dismissed the suggestion that her husband, for motives best
known
to him, could have deliberately flunked the question. Mr. Pankaj Arora,
a
property dealer in one of the colonies of East Delhi, was happy when he
got
the news from the Star TV network that he had got selected, one among
millions, for participating in the popular show and he considered
himself
lucky to be so chosen. He was also told to bring his wife along to the
studios at Mumbai where the game shows were to be hosted by Mr Amitabh
Bachhan. Winning a crore was hardly in the mind of Mr Arora and all Mr
Pankaj Arora wanted to do there was to gape at his idol and may be he
thought he could try to sell him a few of the plots of his clients to
Amitabh at a small tidy margin. But Mrs Arora was made of sterner
stuff.
Mrs Neelam Arora, ever the ambitious wife, now took charge of her
indolent
husband. She hired the best tutor from Sachdev Tutorials, made him
learn
all
the countries and capitals in the world, currencies of different
countries,
names of different states,rivers,towns in the country etc.
After 3 weeks of gruelling schedule of cramming, Mr Arora and Mrs Arora
confidently embarked on their journey to Mumbai, little knowing that
the
game show was to change their lives forever. Mr Arora was one among the
10
hopefuls selected for the 'fastest finger first' event.
Amitabh appeared in flesh and blood and Mr Pankaj Arora, whose lifetime
ambition, was to see his childhood hero in person, felt a sense of
fulfillment and pressed some buttons in a hurry. Mr Arora couldn't
believe
it! Mrs Neelam Arora felt like a mother whose favourite kid had won the
best
baby show. Not only had he given correct answers, but he had done so
even
before others could begin!
There was a hubbub around the auditorium as Mr Pankaj Arora gingerly
took
the seat from Amitabh for everyone was convinced that history was going
to
be made that day. There was suspense in the air and the audience could
sense
money floating all around them. Amitabh Bachhan started the show by
smiling
benignly at the nervous Mr Arora, the kind of smile he would give to a
ABCL
investor, clapped his hands and read out the question. "Mr Pankaj
Arora,
yehi hai aap ka pehla sawaal. Who wrote 'Valmiki Ramayan'? The choices
are
A. Tulsidas B. Ramanand Sagar C. B R Chopra D. Valmiki?" Mr Pankaj
Arora
very promptly said, "Ramanand Sagar!". He had not forgotten the days
when he
used to get up early on Sundays solely to watch the epic. Amitabh again
smiled the benign smile, cajoled him to use his lifeline, audience poll
etc., but Mr Pankaj Arora, like a true blue property dealer, didn't
budge
from his position. He later told everyone sobbingly that he wanted to
preserve the lifelines for using them after touching the 25 lac mark
Amitabh
commisserated with him and told a shocked Mr Arora that his answer was
wrong. The pin-drop silence that followed immediately was only to be
broken
by loud angry shriek from a female, that evidently from a female, who
had
been done in by her husband.
She shouted immediately, "Is there a lawyer in the house?".
Before the pandemonium that broke out could settle in, Mr Arora and Mrs
Arora had parted ways as husband and wife. This event has caused great
sensation among the community of TV viewers and the effect has been
electric
among the chronic followers of this game show. Whether this
'wife-divorcing-husband -for-flunking-the-first- question' event, will
drive
away all husbands from the show or pull them with magnetic attraction
to
the
greatest TV game show ever, only time alone can tell - Agency news

Source - Mail!
Gordon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th January 2006, 18:39   #780
BHPian
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 567
Thanked: 22 Times
Default

a big post indeed and amusing too
muni is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Time for a Holiday Joke? Steeroid Shifting gears 9 24th December 2005 20:51
A Nelson joke Dippy Shifting gears 6 8th September 2004 23:12


All times are GMT +5.5. The time now is 20:30.

Copyright 2000 - 2017, Team-BHP.com
Proudly powered by E2E Networks