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Old 9th January 2014, 10:51   #8146
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Saw a sticker on Xylo which said "Dont steal, government does not like competition"
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Old 9th January 2014, 11:33   #8147
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srishiva View Post
Saw a sticker on Xylo which said "Dont steal, government does not like competition"
seen that on a Baleno too


guys and girls

The Official Joke thread-1465303_10151878912406840_1098163454_n.jpg
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Old 9th January 2014, 11:54   #8148
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guys and girls Attachment 1188625
Hell Yeah! BTDT

Something I stumbled on:

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Old 9th January 2014, 15:00   #8149
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Talking Re: The Official Joke thread

Source: Facebook



The Official Joke thread-1551462_505095006272182_1443437924_n.jpg
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Old 9th January 2014, 23:46   #8150
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sinharishi View Post
Source: Facebook



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Old 10th January 2014, 12:55   #8151
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Sourced from Facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/WonderfulEngineering
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Old 10th January 2014, 15:02   #8152
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Originally Posted by ramzsys View Post
Sourced from Facebook.
that's innovative!


A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').


2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'


3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.


4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.


5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.


6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.


7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.


8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.


9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.


10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.


11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).


12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.


13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.


14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).


15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

source: Facebook

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Old 10th January 2014, 16:24   #8153
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IronH4WK View Post
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
.
.
.
God Save the Queen!
Excellent one. ROTFL
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Old 12th January 2014, 19:21   #8154
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Alok Nath got a watchman's job and was all night heard calling out,
"JEETEYYY RAHOOOOO" as he took his rounds.
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Old 13th January 2014, 11:45   #8155
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Dear,
Rajnikant please close your fridge properly

Yours faithfully
Mr. Obama. USA😂
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Old 13th January 2014, 12:54   #8156
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

so true

The Official Joke thread-1525588_10151953703471840_529699069_n.jpg
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Old 21st January 2014, 07:04   #8157
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Sanskari version of breaking bad XD

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Old 22nd January 2014, 23:04   #8158
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

Here's what happens when a Petro Head becomes an columnist:

Anonymous:
Hi! I'm a lady aged 26 married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work. I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about 2km from home n my car engine started 2 overheat so i had to turn back and get another car. When i got home i found my husband in bed with our maid. I don't know what to do now. Please help.

Reply by male columnist:
Dear anonymous.
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburetor. U need to check your oil and water level in your engine b4 u start your journey. U must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future. Hope this helped you...!!



One More:

These are actual profiles from shaadi.com, hilarious they are I don't feel like marrying any girl after reading this……….…

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail..

i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

Can somebody please explain What Homework???

i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give respect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...!!!! )

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY THEY ARE 1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD. 2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION 3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

I am loughing {laughing}

whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants A LAMP ? ?)


i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

the 'Ok-syndrome' K K

iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & Mother. sister completely married

somebody please explain how to get married ‘completely'?


my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(Heights of desperation! )

i am kanandevi. i do own businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(“1 sistar…he was marred” I’m dead)


I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

is she a Zebra..??? :P
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Old 23rd January 2014, 08:33   #8159
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rakeshnair14 View Post
I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

is she a Zebra..??? :P
No racism. Don't you watch MSM?? And while on it no Santa Banta, no Bihari, no Bong....nada! Nothing like that as it can be held against you in future.
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Old 23rd January 2014, 21:10   #8160
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CARDEEP View Post
If Veeru, Jai, Thakur, Gabbar were on Facebook, this is what their posts would look like (courtesy IBN Live):
I think I am a little late in asking: how did Thakur type the replies?
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