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Old 14th January 2006, 01:19   #811
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Default Can someone please explain....

Mods Pl delete if posted earlier..

Can any one explain me...

1.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US
has
got
debts), where did all the money go? (weird)

2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be
given a
thought)

3.What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)

4.If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash,
why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good
thinking)

5.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)

6.Can you cry under water? (let me try)

7.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just
sit around all day? (i think they meant something else)

8.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God
knows)

9.Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)

10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)

12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight i will
stay
and watch)

13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed)

14.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)

15.What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)

16.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they
remember
that they forgot? (can somebody help )

17.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

18.Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange
isn't
it)

19.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your
radio
would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)

20.If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your
headlights on, what happens?

21.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)

22.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to
the core of the earth? (this is nice)

23.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when
you legally can't go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law)

24. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in
Bars ? ( Good Question )


Last edited by adit1329 : 14th January 2006 at 01:20.
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:22   #812
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Default Pass your judgement on this..

Mods pl delete if posted earlier..
Read on....


QUESTION 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had
syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.



QUESTION 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

CANDIDATE A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with
astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to
10 martinis a day.

CANDIDATE B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used
opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

CANDIDATE C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke,
drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first, no looking, then scroll down for the answer.



!!

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!!

Answer 1 :

And by the way - if you answered yes to the abortion question, you just
killed Beethoven (all time great german music composer)



Answer 2 :

CANDIDATE A is Franklin D. Roosevelt

CANDIDATE B is Winston Churchill

CANDIDATE C is Adolph Hitler



Pretty interesting, isn't it. Makes a person think before judging someone
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:24   #813
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Default Bihar Dariving Laicense

Mods pl delete if posted earlier..

Bihar Driving License...

================================================== ==============

DERIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM

------------------------------------------ -----------------------

NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.

He will give you the licen.

If you dot know how to fill ,copy from your phriend (dost)applikason.

For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.

1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

2. phust name:

(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yourj: ___

9. Mather name: _______________________

10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leabe blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest kilass attended)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :

____________________________

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, pleaje do not copy thumb impression also.
Pleaje

provide your own thumb impression.)

PELEAJE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If
you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DERIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:26   #814
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Default The Genius of Peter Kay

The Genius of Peter Kay:

1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
Thyroid problem?

2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked
him to forgive me.

3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
swimming.

4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get
on with my real ladder.

5) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.
But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may
break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there
on it was sticks and stones all the way.

6) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably
why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

7) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.

8) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour
said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'

9) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of
meat?

10) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
give the wrong answers.

11) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.


Peter Kay's questions...

1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to
the core of the earth?

3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?

5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

6. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

7. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries' have a 'use by' date?

8. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

9. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

11. What do people in China call their good plates?

12. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

13. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

14. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

15. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is
wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of
the window?


Peter Kay's Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80 's has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.

8) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

9) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

10) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

11) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

12) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call
your teacher mum or dad.

13) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.

14) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

15) You never ever run out of salt.

16) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.

17) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

18) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.

19) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on
an upturned plug.

20) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

21) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood specifically to stir paint with.

22) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

23) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:26   #815
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Default Chocolate maths

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
This is pretty neat.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute....... Work this out as you read.
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not
one of those waste of time things, it's fun.


1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate.
(more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2
3. Add 5
4.. Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the calculator................

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755....

If you haven't, add 1754
.....

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number .


The first digit of this was your original number (i.e.,how many times you
want to have chocolate each week).











The next two numbers are .........






YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2005) IT WILL EVER WORK,
SO.......SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:28   #816
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Default Variation law

Variation Law:

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move
faster
than the one you are in now.


Law of the Telephone:

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.


Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to
itch.



Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.



Law of the Alibi:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat
tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.


Bath THEOREM:

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.


LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with

someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it
will.



LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.



THEATRE RULE:

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle
arrive last



LAW OF COFFEE:

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:30   #817
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Default Its the Law

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex

> >> >

> >> > with animals, but the animals must be female.

> >> >

> >> > Having sexual relations with a male animal is

> >> >

> >> > punishable by death.




> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Like THAT makes sense.)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a

> >> >

> >> > woman's genitals, but is prohibited from

> >> >

> >> > looking directly at them during the

> >> >

> >> > examination. He may only see their reflection

> >> >

> >> > in a mirror.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Do they look different reversed?)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals

> >> >

> >> > of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers;

> >> >

> >> > the sex organs of the deceased must be covered

> >> >

> >> > with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (A brick??)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is

> >> >

> >> > decapitation.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Much worse than "going blind!")

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to

> >> >

> >> > travel the countryside and deflower young

> >> >

> >> > virgins, who pay them for the privilege of

> >> >

> >> > having sex for the first time... Reason: under

> >> >

> >> > Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins

> >> >

> >> > to marry.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Let's just think for a minute; is there any

> >> >

> >> > job anywhere else in the world that even comes

> >> >

> >> > close to this? Okay...um...I don't think so!)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally

> >> >

> >> > allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may

> >> >

> >> > only do so with her bare hands. The husband's

> >> >

> >> > lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any

> >> >

> >> > manner desired.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Ah! Justice!)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool,

> >> >

> >> > England - but only in tropical fish stores.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (But of course!)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex

> >> >

> >> > with her husband, and the first time this

> >> >

> >> > happens, her mother must be in the room to

> >> >

> >> > witness the act.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man

> >> >

> >> > to have sex with a woman and her daughter at

> >> >

> >> > the same time.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (I presume this was a big enough problem that

> >> >

> >> > they had to pass this law?)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from

> >> >

> >> > vending machines with one exception:

> >> >

> >> > Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending

> >> >

> >> > machine only "in places where alcoholic

> >> >

> >> > beverages are sold for consumption on the

> >> >

> >> > premises."

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Is this a great country or what? Not as

> >> >

> >> > great as Guam!)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > Banging your head against a wall uses 150

> >> >

> >> > calories an hour.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Who volunteers for this stuff?)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > Humans and dolphins are the only species that

> >> >

> >> > have sex for pleasure.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can

> >> >

> >> > pull 30 times its own weight and always falls

> >> >

> >> > over on its right side when

> >> >

> >> > intoxicated.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (From drinking little bottles of...?)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Did the govt. pay for this research??)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > Butterflies taste with their feet.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Ah, geez) !

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (I know some people like that.)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > Starfish don't have brains.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (I know some people like that too)

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > And, the best for last.....

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > Turtles can breathe through their butts.

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > (Do you think they have bad breath?)

> >> >
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:32   #818
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Default Bihari Essay

This is a very popular essay that you might have come across.
Mods, if you have come across this pl, pl delete

Bihari Essay "Indian Cow" (PLS GO THROUGH THIS!!)


You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a
true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC(IAS)Examinations. The
candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And
because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.]
He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four
legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be
utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his
basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk
and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.
His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other
motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat
cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then
afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the
mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and
defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done
by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the
ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He
has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals.
It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten
away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with
it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not
crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts
. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is
bihar in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in Bihar]
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:33   #819
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Default Think before you speak...

Ever spoken and wished you could take the words back, or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....


************************************************** ***********************

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blo* job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

Melinda Lowe, 39

************************************************** ***********************

An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.

Kathy Newman, 46


************************************************** ***********************
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out
so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!

Name Withheld


************************************************** ***********************

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf *****. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's *****."

Colleen Collins, 31

************************************************** **********************
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

Faye Emerick, 34

************************************************** **********************
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in
the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard
when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson

************************************************** **********************
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me..." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

************************************************** **********************
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any.....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:34   #820
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Default Aaah to please a woman

TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY, A MAN ONLY NEEDS TO BE:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes



HOW TO MAKE A MAN VERY HAPPY:
1 . Leave him alone in peace

Last edited by adit1329 : 14th January 2006 at 01:36.
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:37   #821
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Default 25 signs you are in the IT industry for a long time

Very true!!



Also very depressing



V r in danger of becoming predictable





1.) U use phrases like "No issues" and "Value addition" in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your doodhwalla, U say, "His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues"

2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.

3.) U drink more tea or coffee than water.

4.) When a half-day at work means leaving at 7:30 in the evening (and U actually feel guilty about it).

5.) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)

6.) After U switch on your TV, U spend some time looking for a mouse.

7.) U send Microsoft Office mails with voting buttons to fix the timefor a meeting with friends.

8.) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive the call.

9.) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0" to get an outside line.

10.) U havent played Solitaire with real cards in years.

11.) U tell everyone your favourite book is "Who Moved my Cheese?" when in reality U couldnt even finish that. Ur real favourite book is the Oracle manual for PL/SQL.

12.) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future will be girls in HR.

13.) U secretly visit sites like *jeevansathi.com*<http://jeevansathi.com/>and *shaadi.com* <http://shaadi.com/> and hope no one is watching, especially that girl in HR.

14.) U dont go abroad anymore, but go 'on site'. And when U go 'on site' your mama, chacha and l'il cousin Chintu come to see u off.

15.) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.

16.) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.

17.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.

18.) Ur prime source of sleazy entertainment is the Femina issues in the office library.

19.) U have a serious gas problem but know how to mute ur farts and R proud of it.

20.) U substitute bad words like MC, BC with ML & PL (Module Leader & Project Leader).

21.) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.

22.) Ur criteria for visiting a restaurant is whether it accepts 'Ticket restaurant' coupons or 'Sodhexo' passes.

23.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.

24.) U read this list and kept nodding & smiling.

25.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT.

And now U click on forward button with a huge smile on face ………hahahahahah

P.S - received by email
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:38   #822
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Default For those who love your bosses

In Memory of all those who love their boss..............!

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife
instead. "I'm afraid
he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I
told you" the
wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to
his boss. By
this time the wife is getting upset and shouts,
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED
LAST WEEK! WHY
DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:39   #823
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Default You think you have problems??

Family Problems! "
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them

kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said, "You

think you have family problems ? Listen to my situation.



" A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got

married and I got myself a step-daughter. Later, my father married my

step-daughter. That made my step-daughter my step-mother. And my father

became my step-son. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her

father-in-law.

Much later the daughter of my wife, my step-mother, had a son.

"This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he

was also ther son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's

grandson.

That made me the grandfahter of my half-brother.

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a baby. Now the half-sister

of my son, my step-mother, is also the grandmother.

"This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose

step-sister is my father's wife. I am my step-mother's brother-in-law,

my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am

MY OWN GRANDFATHER!

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS !!!"
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:40   #824
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by adit1329
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2005) IT WILL EVER WORK,
SO.......SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.
I'm not quite sure if you've realised, but we're not really in 2005 anymore. WAKE UP!!! (always wanted to use that smiley!)
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Old 14th January 2006, 01:40   #825
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Default Maths for Career Growth

What Makes 100%?

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?


Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%


So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.

It's the Bull**** and Ass kissing that will put you over the top !!!
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