Go Back   Team-BHP > Around the Corner > Shifting gears


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 15th February 2006, 16:18   #931
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument was going on. Then the hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on.
They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared," And shot with a .22 rifle."
The others could not believe it (he was right of course) and the argument was even hotter than before. When some started to suggest that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again. He would put up all the drinks they had bought before against them buying another round for him. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the boot of his car.
He took a bit longer this time and then said. "Kalahari Lion" and fingering the bullet hole, said "and the rifle was a .308" and he was right again. This of course was like throwing fat on the fire, and he had to prove his skills, over and over again, every time against a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.
So he said to his wife, "Listen I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in that bar. So where did I get this black eye?"
And his wife replied angrily. "From me, of course."
"But what did I do?" he asked.
She replied "You got into bed and put your hand down inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced in a loud triumphant tone, "Skunk, killed with an axe!"
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th February 2006, 19:07   #932
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

anyone reading these jokes.Please give feedback
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 11:57   #933
BHPian
 
vipulG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Surat
Posts: 32
Thanked: 0 Times
Default

Occasional 'off-color' joke is Okay but dozens of 'off-colored' jokes in a row is not only irritating but disgusting too. Anyway , think of some nice clean jokes the next time, please.
vipulG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 14:48   #934
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 14:49   #935
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]This little boy hid in his parent's bedroom closet, as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked.
As he peeked thru the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend going at it. Suddenly the boy's father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in.
After several minutes the boy says to the man, "Boy it's dark in here." Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement.
After a few more minutes the boy says, "Wanna buy my baseball glove?"
The man asks "How much?" In reply the boy says $50.
The man agrees. Several more minutes pass when the boy asks the man if he'd like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well.
The man reluctantly agrees.
After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset to continue she sends him on his way.
The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks "Where did that come from?, to which her son replied "Can't say."
The mother asks again and upon his refusal to tell she tells her son to get in the car.
The mother takes the boy to church and tells him to get into the confessional and tell the priest where he got the money. When the priest slid the door over the boy said, "Boy it's dark in here", to which the priest replied, "Don't start that **** again!"
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 14:52   #936
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.
"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out."
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea,right?"
"Right."
"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Er--right."
"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again you're right."
"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Cildren of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"
"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 14:53   #937
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; ...she's dead."
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 14:54   #938
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".
The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 14:55   #939
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]Little Jimmy was laying about on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape.
Soon, he began to think about God.
"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?"
Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."
"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"
"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."
"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 14:56   #940
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike One!" he yelled.
Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest PITCHER in the world!"
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 14:58   #941
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 15:06   #942
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.

Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 15:07   #943
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]A businessman was talking with his barber, when they both noticed a goofy-looking fellow bouncing down the sidewalk.
The barber whispered, "That's Tommy, one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. Here, I'll show you."
"Hey Tommy! Come here!" yelled the barber. Tommy came bouncing over "Hi Mr. Williams!" The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Tommy he could keep the one of his choice. Tommy looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand. The barber looked at the businessman and said, "See, I told you."
After his haircut, the businessman caught up with Tommy and asked him why he chose the dime.
Tommy looked at him in the eye and said, "If I take the quarter, the game is over."
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 15:11   #944
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]There were two young brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them.
Hearing about a rabbi nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to her husband that she would ask the rabbi to talk with the boys and he agreed.
The mother went to the rabbi and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent the younger to the rabbi.
The rabbi sat the boy down across his HUGE, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the rabbi pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Young man, where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, then said nothing. Again, louder, the rabbi pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again, the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the rabbi leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Young man, I ask you, where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We're in Bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-g trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, 'BIG trouble?'"
His brother replied, "I'm tellin' ya', we're in BIG trouble. God is missing and they think we did it!!!"
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2006, 15:12   #945
BHPian
 
tsreekaranrao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: hyderabad
Posts: 115
Thanked: 2 Times
Default

[FONT=System] [/FONT]"Mummy, where do babies come from? "The stork, dear."
"Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?" "The police, dear."
"Mummy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?" "The fire department, dear."
"Mummy, where does food come from?" "Farmers, dear."
"Mummy?" "Yes, dear?" "What do we need Daddy for?"
tsreekaranrao is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Time for a Holiday Joke? Steeroid Shifting gears 9 24th December 2005 20:51
A Nelson joke Dippy Shifting gears 6 8th September 2004 23:12


All times are GMT +5.5. The time now is 08:00.

Copyright 2000 - 2017, Team-BHP.com
Proudly powered by E2E Networks