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|30th March 2006, 10:10||#1067|
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first
shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and
see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done:
glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,"
the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see,
I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to
grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out,
"I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"
" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.
"I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon
enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?
Last edited by 2L8uLoose : 30th March 2006 at 10:12.
|30th March 2006, 12:27||#1068|
Join Date: Mar 2006
Thanked: 42 Times
|31st March 2006, 02:00||#1069|
Senior - BHPian
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take!
It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
|31st March 2006, 02:04||#1070|
Senior - BHPian
A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one
young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock : What ya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I loose you will have all.
Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?
Old cock : 50 meter run. >From here to that t! ree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds. Suddenly, Bang! ..... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "What the hell ! This is the fifth
GAY chicken I've bought this week !"
|31st March 2006, 02:13||#1071|
Senior - BHPian
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****."
|31st March 2006, 08:34||#1072|
Join Date: Feb 2006
Thanked: 2 Times
Lot of jokes download this joke book http://rapidshare.de/files/11068154/Joke_Book.chm.html
Less than 700kb. More than 1000 jokes. AND NO I AM NOT JOKING
|31st March 2006, 16:03||#1073|
A man walks to 5th Ave. & 42nd St. in New York City during a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi immediately. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Sheldon.”
“Who?” “Sheldon Cohen. There’s a guy who did everything right. Like my cab being vacant during a rainstorm. It would have happened like that for Sheldon every single time.” “Well, no one is perfect. There are always a few clouds over everybody”, stated the passenger. “Not Sheldon,” said the cabbie. “He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star. Handsome and sophisticated, more than Cary Grant. He had a better body than Arnold in his prime. He was something! “Somehow Sheldon just knew exactly how to make women happy,” the cabbie continued. “He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out.” “Wow, incredible, no wonder you remember him!” said the passenger. “Well, I never actually met Sheldon,” admitted the cabbie. “Then how do you know so much about him?” asked the passenger. “After he died, I married his wife.”
|31st March 2006, 21:58||#1074|
Senior - BHPian
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin and you've got two choices ... Either I maul you to death or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
|31st March 2006, 22:56||#1075|
Join Date: Dec 2005
Thanked: 2 Times
Hey! Rev, Bro you dont have to rub it in man, We still live in hope that we get to understand our partners one day.
|1st April 2006, 10:22||#1076|
|1st April 2006, 15:34||#1078|
Join Date: Nov 2004
Thanked: 8 Times
New element in the Periodic table
NEW ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLE
Element : WOMEN
Symbol : WO+
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.
1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by that.
4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be great aid to relaxation.
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.
illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.
!! WARNING !!
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS
ABOVE PROPERTIES ARE SHOWN BY ALL THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD
|4th April 2006, 17:09||#1079|
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: nerul, navi mumbai
Thanked: 10 Times
recd this by mail.
Hi , Recharge ur phone every month freely by
following this process
Please follow the instruction & you can recharge your
SIM card absolutely free. Yes it is possible, see how te! chnology can
be used to make technicians fool.
I just got a mail from a friend of mine, whose friend
is B.Tech.(ETC) from IIT Powai, teaching me how to reload my hand set
every month for free. Engineered by a group of rebel programmers. I
am going to share this to all for you.
Please follow the instructions as stated below before
you start it:
Applicable for ORANGE (HUTCH),AIRTEL, SPICE & BSNL users only
,sorry for idea, BPL?and R eliance users and is done illegally of course. But there are many things that are illegal, who cares. Don't worry nobody can trap you. No legal action can be taken on you for this. So go ahead without worrying.
You can only do this every 24th & 25th of the month
as the network system is under upgrade.
1.) ** Dial "1415007" using your h/phone and wait
for 5 second
2.) ** after 5 second, you will hear some funny
noise (like sound
TV when the station is finish)
3.) ** Once the noise stop, immediately dial 9151
follow by your
4.) ** A recorded message "please insert your pin
5.) ** punch in the pin number "011785 45227
00734" and wait for
operator finish repeating the above pin number.
6.) ** After the pin number has been repeat,
404-for ORANGE (HUTCH)" .
404-for BSNL" .
7.) ** you will hear a message "for air time
top-up press 1723"
just have to follow the instruction
8.) ** After you follow the instruction, the
noisy sound will
re-appear for about 5 second
9.) ** once the noise stop, dial "4455147"
follow by "146"
10.) ** after about 5 second, dial "1918" after 3
11.) ** after you done that, punch in the serial
"01174452271145527" you will hear dial tone.
12.) ** once t! he dialing tone stop, dial
"55524785933" you will
please key in your password"
13.) ** the password is " ****2+253+7891*+546322
" wait for the
"your password accepted"
14.) ** you will hear " please insert your emey
number " now you
to be fast to dial your own h/phone number
15.) ** you will hear a dialing tone, when the
call is answered,
"1566" and you will hear "re-confirm emey number"
16.) ** once you hear that m! essage, dial "6011556
your h/phone number"
17.) ** after a while, you will hear a message
"your pin number is
accepted" you have to dial "1007"
18.) ** after you done that you will hear "your
emey number is
19.) ** continue dial "4566" you will hear "your
20.) ** once the second message finish,
immediately dial your own
21.) ** Now you will receive a message saying
22.) "NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD, . SO, GET
BACK TO WORK AND
WASTE TIME !!"
Bye.........Bye........... Dont search 4 me to kill me... I'm busy?hunting down the guy who send me this...
Last edited by manaa45 : 4th April 2006 at 17:12.
|4th April 2006, 17:13||#1080|
I HATE MY JOB??
When you have an “I Hate My Job” day, try this.?? On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson?? Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.?? Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.?? Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature and read it carefully.?? You will notice that in small print there is a statement, “Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested”.?? Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, “I am so glad I do not work in the Thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson.”
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A** THAN YOURS.
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