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Old 24th May 2006, 10:13   #1216
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[SIZE=4][FONT=Tahoma]About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay. If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave.

The Sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one condition to be added to the debate. To make it more interesting, the debate was to be conducted using sign language and neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sardars can stay. " An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"


Meanwhile, the Sardar community had crowded around Santa Singh. "What happened ?" they asked. "Well", said Santa Singh, "First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And t hen?", asked the crowd. "I don't know," said Santa Singh, "He took out his lunch and I took out mine". [/FONT][/SIZE]
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Old 25th May 2006, 02:50   #1217
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Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!"


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Old 25th May 2006, 08:17   #1218
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SRK
Not really a joke but.........
Here it is:-http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/iipcache/30378.jpg
aint this teh DC's new car that he designed for some kid!
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Old 25th May 2006, 08:18   #1219
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Default Reservation!

Manmohan Singh to Bush We are sending Indians to the moon next year.
Bush Wow! How Many?

Manmohan Singh - 100


Bush 100!!!!!!!!!!

Manmohan Singh
25 - OBC
25 - SC
20 - ST
5 - Handicapped
5 - Sports Persons
5 - Terrorist Affected
5 - Kashmiri Migrants
9 - Politicians
^
^
^
^
^
^
and if possible
1 Astronnaut
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Old 27th May 2006, 12:36   #1220
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Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"


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Old 28th May 2006, 00:24   #1221
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A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair remover that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next

shamelessly taken from:
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.h...c364c2af63d9d3
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Old 31st May 2006, 21:48   #1222
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"WHAT INDIANS ARE"

Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into
Team.

Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.

Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.

Bombayite
One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Bombayites = film studio.
Three Bombayites = slum.
Four Bombayites = the number of people
standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

Marwari
One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community.
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Old 1st June 2006, 13:25   #1223
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Hindi teacher teaching students how to write 'appu'.

aaaa.........
aadha pa........
pura pa........
ooooo........
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Old 2nd June 2006, 14:44   #1224
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Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are LieClocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock.Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?"That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. "And whose clock is that? "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj,



Rabri enquired, why ?







"I'm using it as a ceiling fan." replied Yamraj
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Old 3rd June 2006, 15:01   #1225
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One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of
snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the
street, so the snowplows can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer
says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your
car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get
through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer
says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..."
Then the power went out.

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says,
"Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park
on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married
to Blondes exhibit, Norman says...

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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Old 4th June 2006, 01:31   #1226
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WHICH IS ARJUN SINGH'S FAVOURITE CITY?

Ans : Kota


WHY DOESN'T ARJUN SINGH HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS?

Ans : Because he's 'reserved' by nature.


WHY DID ARJUN SINGH LEARN ARABIC?

Ans So that he could read 'backwards'.

ARJUN SINGH WAS MADE THE LAW MINISTER. HE ZAPPED
EVERYONE BY CREATING ANOTHER SUPREME COURT. HE
CALLED IT THE SUPREME TRIBUNAL. WHAT WAS HIS LOGIC?

Ans : For every SC, there should be an ST.


IF ARJUN SINGH WERE TO MAKE A CAREER IN FILMS, WHICH
JOB WOULD HE OPT FOR?

Ans : CASTE DIRECTOR



IF ARJUN SINGH OWNED A MOVIE THEATER, WHAT WOULD
THE BALCONY BE CALLED?

Ans : Backward Class


IF ARJUN SINGH WERE A HISTORIAN, HOW WOULD HE DIVIDE
TIME?

Ans : AD, BC & OBC



If Arjun singh was part of the simpsons family, what would be his name?

Ans : O B Cimpson



What was arjun singh admitted to the hospital recently?

Ans: Coz he wanted to get Caste-rated.


What alternatives did arjun singh have to replace the dance bars?

Ans :Kothas
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Old 7th June 2006, 09:31   #1227
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Default A Normal Person V/S a GRE Student

A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

>>************************************************ *******
NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
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Old 7th June 2006, 10:47   #1228
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Vanilla Pudding Robber

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to
find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.


The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of unsweetened vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but unsweetened vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. "I wish we had sugar with us" commented the robbers.


They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING


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Old 8th June 2006, 14:23   #1229
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Talking ICE Funnies...

found this on the internet.... thought you guys would like it...

"People into car stereos will probably get a kick out of this. Its a way to have some kind of ranking system with which to describe these sometimes elaborate stereo systems. Even if you're not into it, you can tell the difference between guys riding around in a "try hard" system and a "dope ***, in your face" system....."

Read the rest here: http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_160.htm

Last edited by gunbir : 8th June 2006 at 14:25.
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Old 8th June 2006, 15:12   #1230
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Got this as an forward sms and also on the net

Quote:
A guy buys a new car stereo. If you shout "rock" it will play rock music, if you shout "RnB" it will play RnB music and if you shout "reggae" it will play "reggae".

One day, the guy was driving along with his new car stereo and two kids ran out in front of him. "phucking kids", the guy shouted - and Michael Jackson started playing on the stereo!
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