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|29th August 2006, 10:29||#1471|
Our friend from Moira, Juze Bostiaum, appeared on Kaun BanegaCrorepati, the famous 'Amitabh Bachchan' hosted show
Juze had miraculously reached the end of the rounds by saying all
his Rosaries & Novenas and finishing all his feni.
"You've done very well so far," said Amitabh "but for Rs. 1 crore
You've only got one lifeline left - Phone a Friend. Everything is
riding on this question...will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Juze.
"Aum ek last chance marta!"
"OK..... The question is.... "Which of the following birds does NOT
build its own nest?
(a) Robin, (b) Sparrow, (c) Cuckoo, or (d)Crow"
"Heje mainchem cazar... I not knowing dat," said Juze,
"so better use my last lifeline and phone to my friend Pedru Pochok
(Actual name: Pedro Pacheco) from Mumbai. He is Goenkar, but he is a
Bandra boy and born and brought up in Mumbai so he's too smart -real
Juze called up his friend in Mumbai, told him the circumstances and
repeated the question to him.
"Arree Baba Anton!" cried Pedru, "Sarko Endo Mure Tu, Simple it
is...it's a cuckoo."
"Ah-vois, sure mure Pedru?" asked Juze.
"Arrre baba hundred percent sure re! Pakka!"
Juze hung up the phone and told Amitabh Bachan , "I tell Cookoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Amitabh Bachan.
"Sarkem Sure, Sir!"
There was a long, ???????..long pause,????????. then Amitabh Bachan
screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Juze, you've just won Rs.One
The next night, Juze threw a big party for all the people from Moira
at the Moira Club. Pedru was specially flown in from Mumbai as the
Chief Guest. Time for speeches...
Juze takes the mike and asks Pedru, "Saang mure, Pedru? Foo told you?
How you know cookoo is not building its own nest?
Otherwise you are sarko bondo and you know nothing about birds....
Your Fadder or ticher (teacher) taught you ah-what???"
"C'mon yaaar! Baskya! What yor saying?" laughed Pedru.
"You Goan Paos are sometimes such daffars men....
Everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock."
|29th August 2006, 13:49||#1473|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Nov 2004
Thanked: 35 Times
Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, "Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants,handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here - try these on'
She did and said, 'These are too big I can't wear them. ' I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, Here try these on."
She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me."
M ike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family andI always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike.
She said, "Here-you try on mine." He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart *** attitude, you never will."
|29th August 2006, 21:37||#1474|
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Thanked: 1,420 Times
Reusable headlines into the future
Folks, what headlines do u think will remain evergreen and make perfect sense over the next 10 years ?! Here're my contributions!
1. "Central Government hikes petrol rates by 10%, diesel rates goes up by 8.9%, under intense pressure from oil companies owing to surging international oil rates" (D-uh!)
2. "State Government invokes compulsory helmet rule for rider + pillion. To come into effect in 21 days"
3. "State Government to exclude pillion from helmet rule"
4. "State Government withdraws helmet rule!"
5. "Governor laments state of roads, terming it "pitiable" "
6. "We will ensure all potholes are filled within 15 days" - New Chief Minister
7. "2 people killed after lorry rams into scooter. Lorry driver absconding"
8. "Golden Quadrilateral progresses by 1.345 % over last year!"
Any other gems?!
|31st August 2006, 11:57||#1475|
Things I hate...
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their behinds to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.(guilty as charged!!!)
3. When people say Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. Damn right! What good is cake if you cant eat it?
4. When people say its always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after youve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their butts!
5. When people say life is short. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do thats longer?
6. When people say while watching a film did you see that?. No Loser, I paid Rs. 200 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
|31st August 2006, 17:40||#1476|
Distinguished - BHPian
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Speed-brkr City
Thanked: 3,657 Times
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She as determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night. He returned around 2:30 am and, upon entering, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said:
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you are fired !"!!!
|31st August 2006, 18:48||#1477|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Thanked: 27 Times
Its not a joke but got it in mail so pardon me if u dont like it....
Question:You are in a boat in the middle of a river.
You have 2 cigarettes and have to light any one
cigarette.You don't have anything else with you in the
boat? How will you do it?
Answer:Take one cigarette and throw it in the water.
So the boat will become LIGHTER........using this
LIGHTER you can light the other cigarette
Want another answer?
You throw a cigarette up and catch it.
Catches win Matches.
Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more answer....
Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop ...
"TIP TIP barsa Pani.
Pani ne aag lagayee."
Us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".
Ye dil still maangey more?
one more deadly answer....
Start praising one cigarette, The other will get
jealous & "jalney lagega"
|31st August 2006, 18:59||#1478|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: BLR, HYD
Thanked: 16 Times
Once upon a time two gentlemen entered in an Indian hotel. One was Pakistani and the other was Indian. The Pakistani was chewing `chewing gum'. They sat face to face and by case their conversation started. First the Pakistani asked to the Indian," What do you do about taking your breads ?". The Indian replied," We take the
breads fully". Then the Pakistani told," But we don't take the breads fully, we take only the soft portion and the remaining portions are collected in a bin, are sent to to the factory, reproduction is done and the product comes out, we sell those in India".
Again the Pakistani asked to the Indian," What do you do about taking your chickens ?". The Indian replied," We take chickens totally". The Pakistani told," But we don't take the chicken totally, we take only the meatty portion and the
ramaining portions are collected in a bin, are sent to the factory, reproduction is done, what the product comes out, we sell those in India".
Then the Indian asked to the Pakistani," What do you do about using your condoms?". The Pakistani replied," We throw them after use". The Indian told," But we don't throw the condoms after
use, we collect them in a bin, send them to a factory, reproduction is done, what the product comes out is "chewing gum", we sell those in Pakistan".
|1st September 2006, 08:15||#1481|
Join Date: Dec 2004
Thanked: 6,028 Times
|2nd September 2006, 11:15||#1484|
Love thy wife??
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when shes wrong.
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There was water in the carburetor.
I asked her, Wheres the car?
She replied, In the lake.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didnt notice.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I havent spoken to my wife in 18 months - I dont like to interrupt her.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
The father replied, I dont know son, Im still paying.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a Man doesnt know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
A man placed an advertisement in the classifieds: Wife wanted.
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: You can have mine.
A woman was telling her friend, I made my husband a Millionaire.
And what was he before you married him? asked the friend.
A billionaire. she replied.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Its not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
Losing a wife can be very hard.
In my case, it was almost impossible.
Just think, if it werent for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till Im half dead.
The most effective way to remember your wifes birthday is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly): My wifes an angel!
Second guy: Youre lucky, mines still alive.
|2nd September 2006, 12:05||#1485|
Things to do while stuck in a Traffic Jam
1. Every couple of minutes switch drivers.(get out of the car to do this.
2. Shout questions at other people. like "do you have any weed."
3. Ask people in other cars how to get to a place that is not even in the same state.
4. Shout at people "IM GOING TO DISNEYLAND"
5. Turn up your music really loud and headbang to it. even if its not headbanger music.
6. Turn up your music, get out of the car and start dancing. ecourage other people to join you.
7. Have a very loud argument with an imaginary person.
8. Get out of the car and have a picnic on the roof of the car.
9. Headbang to no music
10. With the radio on full blast, continually change radio stations. Vary the music style. Change from country to rap to rock to classical etc.
11. If you have a car where the back seat folds down so you can get into the trunk, crawl through the car out the trunk and then get back in the car.
12. Set up a pool in the bed of a truck and swim in it.
13. The first jeep you see, jump in the back and ask where are we going.
14. Attempt to throw stuff into windows of other cars
15. Get out of your car and tap another persons car a say "tag your it."
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