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Old 1st August 2007, 03:38   #1
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Default A Polite Policeman and Partner - A YetiBlog®

0900 – I awake with a start. I haven’t slept well, again. What was it that I was thinking about? Ah yes, the train circuit.

My BIL is back from the USA and he’s still setting up his scale train city. In my half sleep I’ve hit upon the perfect switching arrangement for his turn-outs. A turn-out is a little part of the model track which changes the direction of the trains. Oh never mind.

I call him and explain my idea. He hasn’t quite understood, but takes my word for it when I say I’ve sorted it out in my head. I’m excited. It’s been a while since an idea like this came to my head. I cannot wait to buy the components from Lamington road and do the building.

1000 – My driver calls. He’s got the runs. Ah well. Crap happens.

1030 – I decide to drive the Lancer to town. It’s an eventful day at work.

1500 – I leave the office and wander the streets of the Electronics bazaar. I find every little thing. It feels like I’m back in electronics school, buying parts for an elector kit. I’m grinning.

1600 – I leave the office. I’m still driving. I want to call my girlfriend, but have no hands free.

There’s something wrong with Blackberry Pearl. In fact even the other Blackberry I had before it was the same. Put it on speaker phone and it’s loud and clear. But one way only. Hardware enthusiasts will understand when I say it’s not quite full-duplex.
What do I mean? Well, when you’re talking, the speaker is off and when the opposite person is talking, your mic doesn’t work. This would normally work fine, but try calling your girlfriend when she’s watching TV at full blast and can’t be bothered to find the remote. “Hello” says she. “Whhakaa whaak kabhi saas bahu whaak kyaaa whaak”. I’m yelling myself hoarse. But till there’s silence from her end she won’t hear me. “Hello??” “Whakii whikka boondon mein boondon mein” I find that the only way is to activate the handset, quickly say what I want to and reactivate the speakerphone.
This is beyond annoying. I’m doing it. All for love.

I am not putting the phone to my ear though. But the frustration is getting to me. I pull up to the signal at Cadbury House. A policeman is standing next to me. A constable in a white shirt. The Lancer has no tints. Knock Knock. Roll Down zzzzzz. Yes? He raises a palm, indicating license. Now I will put down word for word (no translations) this is VERBATIM.

Me: Kya Hua?
Cop: Mobile.
Me: Mobile chalu nahi hai!
Cop: First of all sir, a very good afternoon to you.

It takes me a good 3 seconds to digest the fact that he is smiling, he is being polite and in perfect English.

Me: uhh. Good afternoon.
Cop: May I see your license please? (Still smiling)

I’m not sure if I want to give him my license, or a hug. He speaks English really, really well.

Me: Sir, my mobile was not on.
Cop: Ok, we will discuss this. May I see your license please?

I pull it out and hand it over.
Cop: Please stop across the road when the signal turns green. I’ll see you there.
Me: OK (I’m still stunned by the fact that he’s smiling and being polite)

I pull over across the road, opposite the Hyundai showroom. Step out. He’s still walking towards me.
Cop: No need to come out sir, aap andar baithiye.
I sit back in, he comes over to the left side front. Taps to lower the window, I open the door instead, he sits inside.

Cop: Your mobile was on and you were talking, either on Bluetooth or on speaker. I saw you. Both are not allowed.
Me: Yes, I was on speakerphone. I’m sorry.
Cop: Aapko pata hai, yeh baat allowed nahi hai.
Me: Yes.
Cop: (looking at me carefully) Maine aapko kahin dekha hai.
Me: Mujhe? Nahi nahi.
Cop: Yes, I’ve seen you on TV.
Me: TV?? (Incredulous look)
Cop: Aap actor hai?
Me: No No.
Cop: Maine aapko abhi abhi TV pe dekha hai.
Me: (sheepishly)Haan, CNBC par dekha hoga (How many people watch CNBC anyway??)
Cop: Maybe. Aap media person hain?
Me: Nahi, main interview de raha tha. Audio systems par.
Cop: You’re a reporter?
Me: No.
Cop: Then what do you do on TV?

This is getting confusing and now I need to go. I decide for all his politeness, there’s a ulterior motive. I fish into my pocket and his expression gets kinder. I smile at him and offer him money. He smiles, takes it and returns my license. All along, he’s sitting inside.

Cop: Nice meeting you. (Shakes my hand)
Me: Yes yes, very nice meeting you. What’s your name?
Cop: My name?

It’s a strange sight to see a man with brown skin turn white in a second. He freezes and immediately covers his badge with his other hand and looks panic-stricken at my mobile phone. I suddenly realize what’s happening. He thinks I’m a reporter and he is being exposed on CNBC.
I was dying to laugh, but I cannot. Part of me makes me think I can get my money back too. I cannot. I was wrong and he was incredibly polite to me. And for this politeness alone, I cannot pretend.

Cop: My name is uhhh…. (all grace gone, smile vanished) Sameer
Me: Really?
Cop: Yes that’s my name.
Me: Well it’s my name too.
Cop: Your name was something with a K. (Stepping out of the car quickly)
Me: That’s my last name.
Cop: OK, keep your mobile off (Staring at me suspiciously)
Me: It was nice to meet a well spoken policeman.
He finally breaks into a smile again and strides off.
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Old 1st August 2007, 03:42   #2
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2100 - I’ve assembled and wired the switching assembly. It all wroks perfectly. My BIL is a happy stationmaster. I’m thrilled it all works well. I call my girlfriend. She wants to see “Partner”. She is madly in love with Salman Khan.
I know it’s going to be awful. I’ve been warned by N_C. It’s her last night off this week. I stood her up on Sunday night. I cannot say no.

2200 - I pick her up and we drive to the new Cinemax at Bandra East, Kalanagar.

Earlier she called the Cinemax reservation number. They told her they could book tickets at any Cinemax theatre. Bandra East? Ah, any except that one. You will have to go there to buy tickets.

2230
- We reach Cinemax in torrential rain. It’s weird. There’s a nice big gate at the entrance with a nice permanent bhel stall covering half of it. How do we enter? The watchman says you don’t. Parking? He points to the road outside. A road that can accommodate 8 cars. 3 are parked. 3? I’m confused.
The rain is pouring and the water in stinky and brown and runny. While we’re parking, the other watchman is doing some hand signal. I don’t get it. I park.
We run out towards the theatre, dodging the bhel stall. Her hair is ruined, I have sludge between my toes.
Strangely, we look like we’re the only ones there. Us and 2 watchman and a young man behind the red counter.

Partner? I’m looking at the man and he’s talking into this microphone. What show? Umm. Now. Now? Yes. 2250 show? Yes.
You’ll have to wait. Huh? I can only sell you tickets at 2245. Why? Some technical problem. With your computer? No. Inside.
Huh? Is the movie going to be screened or not? Yes yes. OK we will wait. Movie’s on 100% right? No not 100%. Huh? I can tell you if the movie will be screened at 2245.


I’m getting a sneaky feeling that we’re the only 2 people that have come to see the last show. And this great multiplex has issues with that. I stare at him hard.
I’m speaking to him through a hole in the glass. He speaks back into a gooseneck mic. Most disconcerting. Will the movie be on? Well, says he, if you really want to see Partner why don’t you drive to Cinemax, Sion. They have an 11pm show. I stare at him angrily, then at my girlfriend, pleadingly.
If my eyes could speak, they would be telling her to say “Forget it baby. Let’s go home”
My eyes either don’t speak, or they speak crap.

2245 - I’m driving quickly to Sion. Do you want a partner? No I don’t think so. Love me, love me yeah. Oh go dunk your head in a toilet.

2255 - Cinemax Sion. The watchman is crazy and fun. It’s a funny day. He’s smiling and saying all sorts of funny things. “Aane do, aane do, lagega to awaaz aayegi” while my girlfriend is standing outside and grinning.

He even grins and says “AANJOY Sir” when I pay him the parking charges.
The ticket guy gives me 2 tickets in 3 pieces. It tore by mistake. The security guy laughs when I tell him this and keeps all the torn portions, laughing and shaking his head. “Here, you keep this and enjoy the movie

Is it just me, or are things changing in this country? Is it just one of those days when I want to hug everyone?

2330: The first song begins. It’s pictured in Thailand. I love Thailand. My girlfriend is sulking. She knows I love Thailand, but she thinks it’s all for the wrong reasons. Of course she’s wrong. Suddenly there are peals of laughter from her. But it’s still a song. No lame jokes. In a second I get it.
Govinda is wearing some horrendous clothes and lolling on a beach. He is in shorts, not unlike the ones I like to wear on a regular basis. But what is making her laugh so loudly is that he is wearing EXACTLY my most favourite sunglasses. Same brand, shape, size and colour. She is pointing and laughing loudly. I am not.

The movie is terrible, brainless, plotless, clueless, raggedy and cheap. I’m having a great time. Govinda is making Salman look like an amateur.
I love Katrina Kaif. She makes me happy. I don’t normally like Lara, but this movie changes all opinions. Lara is hott, great face, fantastic hair, nice body and has great, very endearing expressions. The picture looks slick and colourful. The sound is loud and in full surround.

For some reason they’re singing this in the movie “POMP up thee Jam, oh balle balle, POMP up thee Jam” and the POMP is emanating in full Dolby surround. Behind me, next to me, around me. Full power.
Everyone looks smashing. The girls are crazily hot, there are bikinis by the dozen.

0230: I’m home. I feel like writing, without correcting. I must hurry, I've an early flight to Delhi tomorrow morning.

POMP up thee jam! Oh balle balle POMP, oh POMP.

Thank you for reading. G’night.
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Old 1st August 2007, 04:27   #3
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Thank you to you too Sam!! That was Bloody fantastic!! Had me grinning just reading about it!

POMP up thee jam in Delhi then

Last edited by iraghava : 1st August 2007 at 04:28.
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Old 1st August 2007, 04:34   #4
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LOL!!!! That was one funny day man!

Loved teh experience with teh cop...a mamu speaking good english! wow, this really is India Shining.
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Old 1st August 2007, 04:40   #5
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good for you sam!
yeah, maybe the times are finally changing.
see you in del in the evening (hopefully in your 'knickers').
have a safe flight and a super day!
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Old 1st August 2007, 06:47   #6
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hahahah dude give up audio and become a writer....you can make guys laugh without even trying.nice experience with the cop .really liked the last part.haha
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Old 1st August 2007, 06:50   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi View Post
Me: Kya Hua?
Cop: Mobile.
Me: Mobile chalu nahi hai!
Cop: First of all sir, a very good afternoon...

...my last name.
Cop: OK, keep your mobile off (Staring at me suspiciously)
Me: It was nice to meet a well spoken policeman.
He finally breaks into a smile again and strides off.
What an experience, "Sameer" Kapasi !
And gripping narrative.
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this post.
Ram
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Old 1st August 2007, 09:52   #8
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Sam

If you ever write a Novel/Book, please let me know, I will be the first one to buy it.

Had fun reading the post.
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Old 1st August 2007, 10:00   #9
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Great writeup (Turbo)Sameer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by major View Post
If you ever write a Novel/Book, please let me know, I will be the first one to buy it.
Major baba, come in line please.
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Old 1st August 2007, 10:02   #10
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Well,

the Policeman part is too hilarious.nice writeup too.the ending part was cool
my 2 cents, you should try hands at writing too
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Old 1st August 2007, 10:17   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi View Post
I don’t normally like Lara, but this movie changes all opinions. Lara is hott, great face, fantastic hair, nice body and has great, very endearing expressions.
Aah - so you finally saw the light - Sam you have to learn to trust me in these kind of situations. I guess - our little talk (or argument ?) over Lara Dutta the night before might have helped you see her in a different light.

EDIT - So Cinemax at Bandra East looks to be a non starter for now atleast. So I guess watching day shows are better.

Last edited by normally_crazy : 1st August 2007 at 10:21.
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Old 1st August 2007, 10:38   #12
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Great day eh??? awesome writing sam! I think if ever audio systems are banned, u have an alternate career waiting!!
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Old 1st August 2007, 10:50   #13
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Hey Sam,

It's great to see someone share an experience that gave them a good time, with all the others! You've been doing this time and again.

Loved the narration and the the time you wrote that.

-Biju
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Old 1st August 2007, 11:24   #14
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Sam,

we would wait for more movie reviews from u going ahead -- that was really cool
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Old 1st August 2007, 11:49   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi View Post
I want to hug everyone
Wow Sam. That was a very honest confession. One is ready to hug and another ready to kiss (gr8 guzzler). You two would make a lovely couple.

P.S. No offence meant guys. Just kidding.
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