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Old 18th December 2009, 22:05   #31
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Originally Posted by pramodkumar View Post
There is a recent inflow of labourers, so we see a lot of these people in getting into these buses, so the change is the local crowd started getting irritated now and inturn they occupay ladies seats and start pointless arguements. The situation is very different in other places except like trivandrum and cochin where there are more construction workers due to oppertunities.

I am sorry I did not get the point here.

Never confront people like those, I have done this "boss line please" many times but i ensure i do it at the right place and with people who would understand, but anyways i agree with your point. Someone has to stand up.

Yes. Quite right. Make sure you have people around you or you will end up in trouble.

Biju, i have seen the worst kind of treatment to woman in kerala. There was once a situation where in i saw a guy pinching a girl's bottom, since the girl stood as if nothing happened i also ignored this, but later i kind of felt very bad. most of the girls fear embarassment so they keep quite. Man its indeed tough being a girl any where in India....

Pramod
It is wise to keep quite in these situations. First, the person who is harrassed has to react. If they dont care, why should we?
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Old 18th December 2009, 22:43   #32
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Unfortunately, I'd have to add one more point to the atrocious behavior of men in Kerala.Again, no offence meant to anyone, and I'd like to make it clear that this could happen anywhere.
I've seen the way men look at women in public,and its almost as if they'r doing a 'strip search' with their eyes.Absolutely disgusting!
My wife had an experience in Thrissur once,where an elderly man (probably in his mid-60's) stood near my wife and tried to pinch her a few times. At one point,my wife took a safety pin and poked the guy's hand so hard he started screaming in pain. The bus was made to stop and after a good deal of shouting & cussing, the guy was kicked off the bus.
I don't know what I would do if I were to notice some situation like this,but I'd definitely try all means to make sure justice prevails in the end.
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Old 20th December 2009, 12:30   #33
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From my experience of having stayed at different states and cities and having travelled a lot by public transport, I have to say that Kerala has been one of the worst in terms of eve teasing and harrassment of women. I am ashamed to say that since it is my home state. A lot of girls/women silently suffer in buses etc. and I have witnessed them quite a bit during my school/college days.

My wife feels that Pune has been the best place so far in this aspect; women can travel more freely here. I agree with her too. Hope things do not change very drastically in Pune for the worse.

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Old 21st December 2009, 10:56   #34
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Apart from Pune, Mumbai too is safe for women. On off incidents here and there but majorly women too feel safe there.
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Old 21st December 2009, 13:53   #35
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I'm equally stumped. I have no idea what makes mallus behave like this
How Kerala Behaves With Women By Sreedevi Jacob

An interesting article
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Old 21st December 2009, 17:08   #36
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This incident happened with me in my last year of college. Normally I would travel from Matunga to Ghatkopar in a train but as another friend insisted on taking the bus, I too accompanied her. It was a crowded bus and in 1999, reserved seats for ladies in the BEST bus were just two. When we were reached near the reserved seat, I saw a man sitting there next to a woman and his two kids were seated in the seat in the front row. When the woman seated next to him got up to get down at her designated stop, he coolly moved without bothering to get up from the seat even when I and my friend were just standing next to him. I asked my friend to sit on the vacant place.

Just then another old lady got into the bus from the front door, He instead of getting up himself to offer his seat, asked his two young sons not more then 8 years old to get up and give her place. That is when I lost my cool and I told him that he is the one who is sitting on ladies seat and he should get up. That irked him so much that he did get up but not without abusing me so badly, also describing me in the worst of terms, all this while the conductor also not bothering to intervene. this man went on talking crap about me until only one person got up and asked him to shut up even though the whole bus was full, only this one person had the guts to stop him. By then I was reduced to tears as I was humiliated by the fact that a lady fighting for her rights is always alone.

I would never forget this incident but that hasnt stopped me from asking something which is reserved for me.

Mansi
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Old 21st December 2009, 17:24   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by manaa45 View Post
This incident happened with me in my last year of college. Normally I would travel from Matunga to Ghatkopar in a train but as another friend insisted on taking the bus, I too accompanied her. It was a crowded bus and in 1999, reserved seats for ladies in the BEST bus were just two. When we were reached near the reserved seat, I saw a man sitting there next to a woman and his two kids were seated in the seat in the front row. When the woman seated next to him got up to get down at her designated stop, he coolly moved without bothering to get up from the seat even when I and my friend were just standing next to him. I asked my friend to sit on the vacant place.

Just then another old lady got into the bus from the front door, He instead of getting up himself to offer his seat, asked his two young sons not more then 8 years old to get up and give her place. That is when I lost my cool and I told him that he is the one who is sitting on ladies seat and he should get up. That irked him so much that he did get up but not without abusing me so badly, also describing me in the worst of terms, all this while the conductor also not bothering to intervene. this man went on talking crap about me until only one person got up and asked him to shut up even though the whole bus was full, only this one person had the guts to stop him. By then I was reduced to tears as I was humiliated by the fact that a lady fighting for her rights is always alone.

I would never forget this incident but that hasnt stopped me from asking something which is reserved for me.

Mansi

Mansi,

I agree with you 100%, the issue is most of the woman just take this just to avoid further humiliation. Ideally you should have asked the conductor to intervene as there are laws to take care of such situations. if he declines to inetrvene just tell him i am noting down the bus number and i will be the complaining party and my friend will be the witness. I am sure if you do this the conductor will listen to you. Next thing to do is to ask the conductor to take the bus to nearest police station and all you need to do is lodge a complaint against this guy. Trust me all those silent spectators will speak for you at that time. Its a simple jungle rule. some times you have to look more intimidating to these kind of anti social eliments. My mom is a stron woman, she always used to tell me her experiences in buses when i was a kid and she had removed her slippers many times to take things in her own hands. I was onec told by my wife that she was mistreated in a bus by a old man, when she turned arround she thought its a small kid but when she felt he is again trying his luck she just took her bag and gave this guy a wack on his face. She says that you have to first help yourself so that others can help you and i agree with her completly.

Its difficult to be a woman in todays world, i sometimes get upset seeing things happen to some woman in buses, just imagine what they must be going through.

Pramod
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Old 21st December 2009, 19:05   #38
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Just before I went through this thread, I read an article on yahoo about a high-ranking cop who molested a 14 year old girl in 1990. The girl comitted suicide three years later because of the pressure on her and her family to withdraw their complaint.

The cop was sentenced this year to 6 months. He is out on bail while he appeals.

After 19 years, former Haryana top cop jailed for molesting minor - Yahoo! India News

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It is wise to keep quite in these situations. First, the person who is harrassed has to react. If they dont care, why should we?
If a harassed person doesn't react it doesn't mean she doesn't care. It is usually because she is scared or unable to do anything to fight back.
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Old 21st December 2009, 19:30   #39
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indian society is very hypocritical: on one hand we claim to have a culture that respects women and on the other we treat women like objects that can be abused: physically, sexually and otherwise.

I remember riding back from one Rider Mania with a lady friend from Lithuania who was deeply disillusioned with Indian men after seeing a bunch of drunk, repressed bulleteers with overflowing hormones in action for 2 days. Her comments about Indian men were deeply shaming indeed. We seem to look at any woman who has a beer or smokes a joint as someone who is "available".

Says a lot about our repressed culture.

wrt to the orig poster: if you saw physical abuse, then prob you could have asked the woman if she was ok. That would send out a signal to the not so gentleman that his actions are being watched and where the sympathies lie.

Last edited by COUGAR : 21st December 2009 at 19:32.
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Old 22nd December 2009, 17:11   #40
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I saw a snap in today's regional paper here where two alert girls had snapped this pic of guys entering and sitting in the ladies only compartment of a particular train and how it was a regular affair and no one was willing or bothered to get them out...and the girls had to endure their leers and teasings :(

my lil daughter is just 2 months old now and i'm scared what sort of a world she has born into :(
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Old 22nd December 2009, 17:45   #41
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Originally Posted by pramodkumar View Post
The bus is now jampacked and it stops at a stop at pattom, couple of ladies get in and all of them are helplessly clinging to the overhead bar.

One lady finally gets some courage and tells a guy to getup from the ladies seat. The guy just refuses to pay attention.
I have seen the exact opposite, and that was also in a Fast Passenger bus going to Trivandrum from my place. few guys were sitting in the back seat of this jam packed bus, and then some ladies got in. One lady asked these guys to give the seats to them as they are reserved for ladies. Out of the three men, two immediately got up but the third guy - seemed to be in his mid 40s - refused to get up.

At this point, there started arguments between this guy and the ladies and this guy was asking the lady to show him the reserved seats for men. The bus conductor came to the scene and politely asked the man to get up, he refused. The conductor started telling by the book that these seats are reserved for ladies and one has to surrender the seat to a lady when asked. The guy got more furious and he even threatened the conductor that he can even get the conductor fired from his job with his political influence!

It seemed this was the time everyone was waiting for, conductor signaled the driver, the bus was stopped, and four or five people forcefully threw this guy out of the bus, one guy threw his bag out as well. It was not even a bus stop and away from any town. It was a beautiful sight to see. The conductor then boldly told this guy,

"I don't care who you are and what you can do."


The journey continued, and everyone was happy.

Last edited by clevermax : 22nd December 2009 at 17:46.
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Old 22nd December 2009, 18:20   #42
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^ Wish we had more Bus conductors like him (the one mentioned above)!
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Old 22nd December 2009, 19:56   #43
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my lil daughter is just 2 months old now and i'm scared what sort of a world she has born into :(
Don't worry. There are things that can not be stopped, since they are not in one's personal space. like staring and gawking. one needs to learn to ignore them. And then one also needs to learn to deal with things when they get into one's personal space, like physical or verbal abuse. I have a feeling today's generation is slowly waking up.

I have always advocated raising girls who kick back in retaliation than break down and cry. We Indians would rather suppress our girls emotional and physical strength, than empower them to be independent (for the fear that they will bring shame to the family). Just think how difficult it is for a girl to get permission for a 5 day trek compared to a boy child. And that makes them susceptible to all kinds of abuses.

But I agree, it's difficult doing it when rest of the society is totally different in India. Plus I don't have one myself, so I am not fully qualified to argue on this one.
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Old 23rd December 2009, 09:58   #44
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The conductor then boldly told this guy,

"I don't care who you are and what you can do."

The journey continued, and everyone was happy.


Sometimes I feel the Male:Female ratio in India can take a fair amount of blame. Of course our elders are equally responsible for it.

In Mumbai I heard of an incident where a college girl rushed into the platform (Thane station) to catch a local train and 2 holligans delibrately collided and touched (I am using euphemism here) her. She missed her train and saw the guys chuckle about the incident.

She kept feeling horrible till the next batch of ladies started coming to a spot on the platform where the ladies compartment halts. She narrated the entire incident to the ladies/friends and the 2 guys were hammered mercilessly till their clothes tore. They tried fleeing initially but were caught by some other guys who thought they were pick pocketers.
This incident was narrated by my close friend who used to travel to Sion SIES college and coincidently we were standing at the same spot where the incident happened and hence he re-collected the same.
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Old 23rd December 2009, 10:26   #45
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The conductor then boldly told this guy,

"I don't care who you are and what you can do."

The journey continued, and everyone was happy.

Clever what you told is also correct. I have seen some conductors Usually the "OLD batch" who speak rules. The ones in the long distance journey are usually youngsters and they usually avoid these kind of confrontations. THe busses plying from Trivandrum to Kollam route have this issue as a daily scene.

More over about eve teasing. I have seen guys teasing girls on the street, I and my cousin was at Veli tourist village couple of months back, we just parked our car and were crossing the road to get to the ticket counter. There was this auto full of holigans hooting and screaming. Some auto drivers noted down the numebr and there was a Cop sitting by the side, I asked him "did you see that?" He said "what". "I said some guys in that auto were eve teasing". He immediately asked me if you have the auto number and he dispatched the message on wireless. I was thinking if this was to happen in Delhi/Bombay i am sure some guys will intercept this auto and beat the pulp out of them,

Kerala is little more open to these type of issues and the occurances are very frequent. Imagine my wife and cousin have an incedance to narrate almost every week. I seriously think things have to get more serious here in gods own country or else we would not be able to promise any kind of protection to the fairer kind.

Pramod
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