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Old 11th May 2010, 18:41   #166
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I feel sad when people leave a toddler in the hands of absolute strangers (maids/creche/etc) just to earn more and buy things they don't 'really' NEED. My wife is blissfully happy staying at home and providing the best gift a child can ever get - MOTHER's love & care.

There is NO substitute for this. No amount of fancy gifts / toys from fancy outlets can replace it.

We are a happy "single-income" family in bangalore (a rarity). Our 'needs' are comfortably taken care of, with a good margin left for the 'wants'.
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Old 11th May 2010, 20:30   #167
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Originally Posted by WindRide View Post
I feel sad when people leave a toddler in the hands of absolute strangers (maids/creche/etc) just to earn more and buy things they don't 'really' NEED. My wife is blissfully happy staying at home and providing the best gift a child can ever get - MOTHER's love & care.

There is NO substitute for this. No amount of fancy gifts / toys from fancy outlets can replace it.

We are a happy "single-income" family in bangalore (a rarity). Our 'needs' are comfortably taken care of, with a good margin left for the 'wants'.
+1 to that! I feel kids these days are missing the warmth of their mothers/fathers. My wife has already resigned her job and she is currently enjoying her pre-motherhood status. . .we are looking forward to raising the kid with full dose of happiness that the parents can give and we are very much happy about the decision that we have made together.

I am expecting my 1st child in 2 months time and I am looking forward to the joy of being a father for the 1st time!
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Old 11th May 2010, 20:42   #168
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I enjoy the advantages of living in a JOINT FAMILY.

My wife's a housewife, she adores my little one born on 06/06/06

My Mom and Dad dote on her, My bro treats her as a Buddy.

My Sis-in-law treats her like a friend.

Myself, i treat her like ME(A nutty half mechanic)

I spend a lot of time with my kid, my job is such that i get to take her to her swimming classes early in the morning, drop and pick her from school.(8 am to 11 am) and later leave for office.

While TV is a big NO NO. She does watch "Chotta Bheem and Mr Bean" but her TV timing is timed. 30 mins in the afternoon, and 30 mins in the night. Later no TV inbetween. And she never makes a fuss of it.

Getting kids used to extra curricular activities is a must. She spends an hour in the neighborhood play park. Also has her regular swimming classes, and loves Go-karting once a month.

A TV is a strict NO NO. Its time parents understand TV is like addiction. Keep your kids away from them SMARTLY.
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Old 11th May 2010, 21:35   #169
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Originally Posted by WindRide View Post
I feel sad when people leave a toddler in the hands of absolute strangers (maids/creche/etc) just to earn more and buy things they don't 'really' NEED. My wife is blissfully happy staying at home and providing the best gift a child can ever get - MOTHER's love & care.

There is NO substitute for this. No amount of fancy gifts / toys from fancy outlets can replace it.

We are a happy "single-income" family in bangalore (a rarity). Our 'needs' are comfortably taken care of, with a good margin left for the 'wants'.
Well said and I myself could not have put it any better. It is very essential for the child to be in the comfort of the parents as long as possible.

But we cannot generalize that people earn more to buy things that are not needed. It might be that they already have commitments which need to be taken care of and have no other option but to have 2 incomes.

Saying that, we are also a happy single income family since we are planning for a kid shortly and dont want wife to have the corporate stress have ill effects on her.
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Old 11th May 2010, 21:40   #170
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WindRide View Post
I feel sad when people leave a toddler in the hands of absolute strangers (maids/creche/etc) just to earn more and buy things they don't 'really' NEED. My wife is blissfully happy staying at home and providing the best gift a child can ever get - MOTHER's love & care.

There is NO substitute for this. No amount of fancy gifts / toys from fancy outlets can replace it.

We are a happy "single-income" family in bangalore (a rarity). Our 'needs' are comfortably taken care of, with a good margin left for the 'wants'.
Most probably you are forgetting that a female member of family can also be professionally educated and can have similar professional aspirations as a male member. And jobs are not only for 'earning' and fullfilling the 'need to buy things'.
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Old 12th May 2010, 00:23   #171
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Originally Posted by Rehaan View Post
I agree with vivekiny2k's points above 100%!

Add to that :
1) Ask your son who calls him a bad boy & why? Just ask him in a casual friendly way when he brings it up. This might shed some light on the situation.

2) You say he stopped wanting to go swimming after the first week. Was it a sudden change? Once again, have you tried asking him why? What was his reasoning?

cya
R
Rehaan,

1. My wife has been cajoling him in all ways possible to find that out, but no information so far.

2. It is indeed a sudden change and we were very surprised by his absolute refusal to participate in any more splash pool session.

We are still trying to find out the reasons: maybe he did something bad and was scolded badly. We are trying to find out from him who said what to him, did he do something bad to someone, did someone do something bad to him, etc. If school were still in session we would have gone to find out whatever is the reason.

Cheers,
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Old 12th May 2010, 00:31   #172
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WindRide View Post
I feel sad when people leave a toddler in the hands of absolute strangers (maids/creche/etc) just to earn more and buy things they don't 'really' NEED. My wife is blissfully happy staying at home and providing the best gift a child can ever get - MOTHER's love & care.
Quote:
Originally Posted by arindamray View Post
Most probably you are forgetting that a female member of family can also be professionally educated and can have similar professional aspirations as a male member. And jobs are not only for 'earning' and fullfilling the 'need to buy things'.

Its just a matter of setting priorities. We have already come this far from being a caveman. what's a little more or less?

And remember, what's taboo today, becomes trend tomorrow and norm the day after. Imagine just 2 decades back if you asked how much money as first question in an interview you would be frowned upon.

Last edited by vivekiny2k : 12th May 2010 at 00:32.
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Old 12th May 2010, 08:48   #173
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Originally Posted by arindamray View Post
which creche? where is it located?
my daughter is in her sixth month, and we may need the service soon, as we both are working.
Creche is in AECS layout, called Kindle Kare. Quite a lot of them in the neighborhood, actually. We used this one as we had good feedback from a friend's child who was going here since a year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindRide View Post
I feel sad when people leave a toddler in the hands of absolute strangers (maids/creche/etc) just to earn more and buy things they don't 'really' NEED. My wife is blissfully happy staying at home and providing the best gift a child can ever get - MOTHER's love & care.
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Originally Posted by whitesquall View Post
+1 to that! I feel kids these days are missing the warmth of their mothers/fathers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by abhinav.s View Post
Well said and I myself could not have put it any better. It is very essential for the child to be in the comfort of the parents as long as possible.

But we cannot generalize that people earn more to buy things that are not needed. It might be that they already have commitments which need to be taken care of and have no other option but to have 2 incomes.
Unfortunately, in today's world where the cost of living increases exponentially, and basic needs such as a house of one's own, a car, schoooling etc cant be met by a single person's salary, dual working becomes the norm. If you guys are able to afford all this with a single earning member, good for you, because weighing my options, it doesnt seem to be possible for me in a city like Bangalore. Also, after all the sacrifices we make with a single earning member, we also put ourselves at greater risk if the sole bread-earner were to be rendered jobless, or even in case of any eventuality.

There are also comes a stage when sometime in the future, the child would question as to why we cannot afford stuff which is enjoyed by everyone else. To me, i see value in having dual income in the family, and so does my wife.

Arindam has explained the reasons quite well, below.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arindamray View Post
Most probably you are forgetting that a female member of family can also be professionally educated and can have similar professional aspirations as a male member. And jobs are not only for 'earning' and fullfilling the 'need to buy things'.
My wife and myself are of the same professional qualification and asking her to quit her job to attend to the kid reeks of male chauvinism. In today's age where a lot of commitment is required to make any progress in one's career, i dont think just letting it all away is justified. We have been taking up lower work commitments to attend to our daughter, clearly explaining to our bosses the reason for the same. IMO, this is a better approach than just throwing it all away.

While not all would agree to my POV, i just felt it required you get to see both sides of the story, before making comments about unwanted needs.
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Old 12th May 2010, 11:52   #174
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Friends, i hope everyone understand my opinion is my own, and i feel strongly on that.
A toddler needs its MOTHER during its formative years, no debate on this. That's something dictated by nature. Watch Discovery / NGC / others. If you believe in Darwin's theory, we evolved from such places, isn't it?

Yes, being a single-income family can get tough. We have to look the other way at some of the luxuries in life. But, we ensure our lil one has the full-time attention of someone whom she can trust.

I read a sad story in TOI a couple of months back about a care-taker who used to give away the child to beggars on hire and pocket the money, once the working parents leave for office. The child's mother found out this horrible truth on returning home early from office one day. My wife cried on reading this, i felt like tearing out that care-taker's head with my bare hands. That much affected we were on reading it. Imagine that innocent baby. God, Why why why???

OT - My wife is MBA rank-holder from a top south indian University and was employed for close to 4 years in India's BEST private bank in a very responsible position. So there is no question of chauvinism in what we have decided. It was a concious decision to forego comforts in exchange for what we instinctly believe is the best for our precious one.

Last edited by WindRide : 12th May 2010 at 11:55.
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Old 12th May 2010, 12:25   #175
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arindamray View Post
Most probably you are forgetting that a female member of family can also be professionally educated and can have similar professional aspirations as a male member. And jobs are not only for 'earning' and fullfilling the 'need to buy things'.
+1
As a father to a 14 month baby boy, we would want also be in a position where things can be improved overall. Not that my income is bad, but a helping hand is always welcome. In addition, a qualified person would feel dissatisfied with life if there is nothing to do except bring up kids. Such as sacrifice is really unwarranted.

At the same time, picking up a job which requires 9+ hours of daily work, plus the stress that you carry with it, is also unnecessary.
I am still trying to figure out how my wife could take up some activity with minimal stress, and yet earn a modest income which gives her sense of fulfillment.
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Old 12th May 2010, 12:47   #176
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Originally Posted by WindRide View Post
Friends, i hope everyone understand my opinion is my own, and i feel strongly on that.
A toddler needs its MOTHER during its formative years, no debate on this. That's something dictated by nature. Watch Discovery / NGC / others. If you believe in Darwin's theory, we evolved from such places, isn't it?
WR, i take no offence to your POV. Infact, i would agree thats best for the child as well.

Now, considering that i was also a child who grew up with a caretaker, and nurseries i dont see anything too wrong with such a setup, if the person can be trusted. There is a high degree of stress on the latter part of the previous sentence.

About the case you mentioned, i also read about it, and even before that i regularly make a number of surprise visits at various times to check on the situation at home. While i may not have been successful in eiliminating all risks, i ensured that the maid knew she couldnt be complacent.

After the experience with the maid, we now send the kid to a creche, where.. trust me.. the kid is REALLY happy and the care provided is really good. Nothing can replace the parents, i know.. thats why we have made some compromises professionally. Quitting full-time is somehow a luxury we cannot afford at the moment, considering the home-loan EMI.
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Old 12th May 2010, 13:05   #177
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This is something which I heard lately.

One of my friend's sister and her husband left to US to continue on their jobs, leaving their first child, a baby girl who was just 3 months and few days old with her grandparents. The reason they tell is funny - when the child is too young, we can leave him/her without causing much pain of separation, but when he/she grows older starts recognizing parents, it will cause more pain to leave!

My daughter is 14 months old, and still me and my wife cannot imagine leaving her in the arms of someone and going somewhere for long term.

I feel that what they did to their own child was way too cruel. I was trying to picture myself in their situation, I'd definitely make sure that the mother and child are together even if it means losing the job overseas.


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Originally Posted by S_U_N View Post
I am still trying to figure out how my wife could take up some activity with minimal stress, and yet earn a modest income which gives her sense of fulfillment.
I am in a very similar situation. Also interested in the answer to this...

Last edited by clevermax : 12th May 2010 at 13:10.
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Old 12th May 2010, 13:09   #178
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i have 2 kids aged 6 & 3 , both have their share of TV , specially discovery,NGC,Animal planet , it is quite educative and better way of make them aware of nature thru AV . At the same time restricting prolonged view is also tough but no choice we have to put our foot down and act tough
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Old 12th May 2010, 13:57   #179
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OT - My wife is MBA rank-holder from a top south indian University and was employed for close to 4 years in India's BEST private bank in a very responsible position. So there is no question of chauvinism in what we have decided. It was a concious decision to forego comforts in exchange for what we instinctly believe is the best for our precious one.
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In addition, a qualified person would feel dissatisfied with life if there is nothing to do except bring up kids. Such as sacrifice is really unwarranted.
S_U_N, the preceeding post by WildRide illustrates the fact that a 'qualified person' need not be dissatisfied with just bringing up kids. Infact, to some mothers bringing up kid(s) is the most challenging and rewarding work. So its just a difference in perspective.

As for me I believe in the mother attending to the kid full time.
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Old 12th May 2010, 14:11   #180
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Don't beat me for this but this is only my POV.
Actually, a child (not an infant) needs grandparents much more than parents. We first-or-second-time-parents are nothing but bunch of kids experimenting our thoughts and ideas (which we imagine are the best for the child) on our kids. I dont think 8-10 years of adult life enables humans to bring up a child on their own. The child is better served by the experience and wisdom of our parents than ours. Of course i am assuming that our parents probably wont make ALL the same mistakes they would have done when bringing us up

EDIT: Just to add, i am not saying that parents should take themselves out of the picture totally. That would be just wrong. Your child and your parents need a common enemy after all.

Last edited by amitoj : 12th May 2010 at 14:12.
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