Go Back   Team-BHP > Around the Corner > Shifting gears


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12th May 2010, 14:13   #181
Senior - BHPian
 
alpha1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: P00NA
Posts: 1,613
Thanked: 949 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guite View Post
S_U_N, the preceeding post by WildRide illustrates the fact that a 'qualified person' need not be dissatisfied with just bringing up kids. Infact, to some mothers bringing up kid(s) is the most challenging and rewarding work. So its just a difference in perspective.

As for me I believe in the mother attending to the kid full time.
Correct, an thats how/what we have been designed for.

But tell me - one thing which we are doing right now for what we have been designed for?

The whole idea of civilization/progress/development takes us one step further away from what nature intended.

And as our civilization is progressing - I am sure, there will be a day when raising and rearing kids will be an activity outsourced to a private agency/firm whch will have tailormade or customized programs so that the parents can instill the confidence that their kids are being raised the way they want them to.

Of course its not a replacement for actual time spent - but then so is the case with TV and other mod-cons (incuding junk food).
alpha1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th May 2010, 14:20   #182
BHPian
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 604
Thanked: 186 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by alpha1 View Post
...I am sure, there will be a day when raising and rearing kids will be an activity outsourced to a private agency/firm whch will have tailormade or customized programs .....


Hope iam dead by then.
WindRide is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th May 2010, 14:56   #183
BHPian
 
Cesc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Philly, Gurgaon
Posts: 629
Thanked: 251 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guite View Post
S_U_N, the preceeding post by WildRide illustrates the fact that a 'qualified person' need not be dissatisfied with just bringing up kids. Infact, to some mothers bringing up kid(s) is the most challenging and rewarding work. So its just a difference in perspective.
Couldn't agree more. In my case also my wife wilfully gave up very good avenues for employment to raise the baby. I would have held nothing against her if she chose to pursue her career but do admit that this is the best way to go. We can live with a smaller house and lesser money if it means that we can do a good job of raising our kids. She is now loving every minute of it. It is indeed stressful because of all the effort involved - but the hapiness overrides the stress. We have employed a full time maid for other stuff in the house - cleaning, washing, helping out in the kitchen etc. while my wife deveotes all her time to our daughter. I try to help her every which way I can - it's a decision she took for us (me and the baby included) and I believe it is my duty to do everything I can to help her out.

I would have NEVER left my kid with a maid - whatever the circumstances (even if I had to leave my job).

However, I can also understand if people have binding financial commitments and there is no other way out except having the extra income. It's a decision that you have to jointly take with your better halves - and once taken respect it and try to make it work as best as you can. If you go after the extra money just because you can get bigger and better things tomorrow then that can surely be avoided because there is nothing bigger and better for a kid than parents love.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindRide View Post


Hope iam dead by then.
Add me to that list as well.
Cesc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th May 2010, 19:23   #184
Senior - BHPian
 
vivekiny2k's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai
Posts: 1,241
Thanked: 163 Times
Default

to all the nay sayers (to the working moms), remember that children who grow up seeing parents as the only company lack social skills compared to the ones who go out for a few hours and socialize with other people and kids.

the downside is they keep bringing germs (cough, cold etc) at a much earlier age. My wife stays at home but we put our son to preschool at the first opportunity. I am not a fanatic for children's development and don 't intend to put them in any race, but I felt he needed more company.

@Amitoj, yes, grandparents serve an important role, not only in terms of experience but also maintaining values and family hierarchy. A child who has not seen much of how an adult behaves with his/her parents will not meet expectations when grown up. If you abandon your parents and that's all your child sees, you can imagine what he is going to do when he grows up. One of the biggest reason most of immigrants keep thinking of relocating back every day
vivekiny2k is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th May 2010, 15:00   #185
BHPian
 
arindamray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 749
Thanked: 79 Times
Default

request to keep an open mind - think was/is it 'wilfully' or 'social pressure'?

easier to say that even I would leave the job. but how many fathers actually left the job for rearing a child? I guess father's presence also better for child. have any thought of leaving the job even for first six months? i think thaey could have make do with earlier savings and cutting down on 'bigger'/'better' things.

or is it just male chauvinism?
arindamray is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th May 2010, 15:43   #186
BHPian
 
rm_arjuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Hyderabad
Posts: 445
Thanked: 52 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by vivekiny2k View Post
children who grow up seeing parents as the only company lack social skills compared to the ones who go out for a few hours and socialize with other people and kids
+1 , same reason we stopped sending our daughter in car and started school van .When she used to go in car , she hardly used to mingle with other kids , make fuss over everthing , once in van she was forced to walk from parking to class carrying her own bags and mingle with other kids .

I think kids pick up basic survial traits / discipline which is very important in today's world for an all round personality development .

Last edited by Rehaan : 17th May 2010 at 21:14. Reason: Fixing quote
rm_arjuna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th May 2010, 15:47   #187
Team-BHP Support
 
benbsb29's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 7,971
Thanked: 3,388 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arindamray View Post
request to keep an open mind - think was/is it 'wilfully' or 'social pressure'?

easier to say that even I would leave the job. but how many fathers actually left the job for rearing a child? I guess father's presence also better for child. have any thought of leaving the job even for first six months? i think thaey could have make do with earlier savings and cutting down on 'bigger'/'better' things.

or is it just male chauvinism?
Nice post, Arindam. Thats exactly what i was trying to imply when i said why is it always expected that the lady would be quitting her job, so we can sacrifice on unwanted luxuries.
benbsb29 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th May 2010, 17:13   #188
BHPian
 
mohang_j's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 270
Thanked: 18 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by amitoj View Post
a child (not an infant) needs grandparents much more than parents.
The child is better served by the experience and wisdom of our parents than ours.
+1 to that. Also we get lot of moral support and guidance when required.

Last edited by mohang_j : 13th May 2010 at 17:17.
mohang_j is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th May 2010, 16:57   #189
BHPian
 
Cesc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Philly, Gurgaon
Posts: 629
Thanked: 251 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arindamray View Post
request to keep an open mind - think was/is it 'wilfully' or 'social pressure'?

easier to say that even I would leave the job. but how many fathers actually left the job for rearing a child? I guess father's presence also better for child. have any thought of leaving the job even for first six months? i think thaey could have make do with earlier savings and cutting down on 'bigger'/'better' things.

or is it just male chauvinism?
If this was directed at my post - then here are my two cents.

Think what you like - social pressure, male chauvinism, no father leaves jobs whatever. I do not need to get into the negative direction you are taking this into. If this line of thought about other is what makes you happy and provides any justification to you regarding your choices then I am cool with that.
Cesc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th May 2010, 00:20   #190
BHPian
 
Guite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Noida, NCR
Posts: 463
Thanked: 171 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arindamray View Post
or is it just male chauvinism?
I don't think so. Let me put it this way, does the father...
1. ...carry the child (foetus) in his body for nine months?
2. ...bear (give birth to) the child?
3. ...suckle the baby?
In addition, I believe mother's instinct is much stronger than father's instinct towards the child. When my son was born, I felt they (mother & son) already 'knew' each other due to prior 'çonnection' and I have to introduce myself. Of course I didn't have to. I am just trying to emphasise the inherent bond between mother and child.

BTW, my avatar as of today is my son's photograph.
Guite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th May 2010, 02:01   #191
BHPian
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 604
Thanked: 186 Times
Default

Its the society around us that influences many of our decisions. If that results in 'male chauvinism' then so be it.

To repeat - child needs its mother during the initial years. Fathers just plays a supporting role.

Even in the liberal western world, it is an accepted norm for mother to take a break from career after delivery and return to it once the child is older (say, at school-going age).

Last edited by WindRide : 15th May 2010 at 02:03.
WindRide is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th May 2010, 12:01   #192
Senior - BHPian
 
S_U_N's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Pune
Posts: 1,778
Thanked: 375 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guite View Post
Infact, to some mothers bringing up kid(s) is the most challenging and rewarding work. So its just a difference in perspective.

As for me I believe in the mother attending to the kid full time.
You are looking at it from a male perspective. Try looking at the same thing from a woman's perspective as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vivekiny2k View Post
to all the nay sayers (to the working moms), remember that children who grow up seeing parents as the only company lack social skills compared to the ones who go out for a few hours and socialize with other people and kids.
+1. Socializing is very very important from a long term perspective.
S_U_N is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th May 2010, 14:34   #193
Team-BHP Support
 
benbsb29's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 7,971
Thanked: 3,388 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by S_U_N View Post
+1. Socializing is very very important from a long term perspective.
Truly agree.

One experience from such an incident : I picked up my one year old daughter from the creche one evening, and was walking towards my car with her on my shoulder, when i noticed her waving and uttered 'tata'. Atfirst, i thought she was doing this randomly, till i followed her gaze and noticed she was infact waving at another little kid who was just picked up from the creche and who was being driven away in a Dzire. The other kid too was jumping up n down and waving from within the car!

I just realized I had seen one among my child's first friends. Touching!
benbsb29 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th May 2010, 14:23   #194
BHPian
 
anonymous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NCR
Posts: 564
Thanked: 15 Times
Default

TV, Cinemas does leave a big impact on child's brain. When my 4 years old son watched 3 Idiots, he started imitating the famous line "God Tussi great Ho, Tohfa kabool karo". He did it all the time in front of guests, other children in society and it used to put me and wife in embarrassing situation. We tried to convince him not to do it but he just wouldn't listen. So we simply started ignoring him, no reaction whatsoever from us. Gradually he stopped doing it. Thank God.
Now he is imitating Ben 10. lol
anonymous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th May 2010, 16:35   #195
Senior - BHPian
 
S_U_N's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Pune
Posts: 1,778
Thanked: 375 Times
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
We tried to convince him not to do it but he just wouldn't listen. So we simply started ignoring him, no reaction whatsoever from us. Gradually he stopped doing it. Thank God.
Now he is imitating Ben 10. lol
My 14 month old son does exactly what we ask him *not* to do. I wonder if all little ones are like that - doing contrary to what we say. (not always but many times)
S_U_N is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Joy is BMW; Greater JOY is a bigger BMW - F10 525d *EDIT: Now sold!* VSD Test-Drives & Initial Ownership Reports 85 25th July 2016 15:07
When did you last get stuck and what were the learnings Baburajs 4x4 Technical 48 1st May 2009 12:01
Sharing my experiences of my new INDICA V2 DLG TURBO purchased in April 2008 basab Test-Drives & Initial Ownership Reports 23 14th July 2008 11:44
Key learnings from Auto Expo 2008. snaronikar The Indian Car Scene 11 17th January 2008 15:59


All times are GMT +5.5. The time now is 17:24.

Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Team-BHP.com
Proudly powered by E2E Networks