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Old 12th July 2008, 14:58   #31
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Thanks for the wonderful thread my friends. I am rating the thread as Excellent.
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Old 12th July 2008, 18:45   #32
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My gymming routine is gone for a toss, and when planning anything, first thing we need to check is how my son will take it. I am sure your travelling will take a big hit, and forget about "let's go" moments, off road hiking and frolicking with your other half. In all probability it will be limited to a perfectly planned nearby spot where all of you can sit and entertain the little one.
I am not regular at gym now.

Also "let's go" moments is difficult now as more planning and considerations for little one is required. I think that would be the case for a pretty long time.

@snaronikar: Sibling rivalry and politics at young age would be high and sometimes unmanageable. I played an active role during my childhood. All the Best dude!!

It seems all boys love automobiles from a very young age.

@mohang_j: My son also requests for song first as soon as he settle down in the car. He plays with lock when the car is moving, so we have to keep an eye on him always. He surprised me by opening a locked door when he was 6 months old, luckily my wife noticed it while i was driving.

@sritu: I am sure your daughter will have good road manners.

Last edited by PatienceWins : 12th July 2008 at 18:47.
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Old 12th July 2008, 19:03   #33
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A question to all you parents of young children: What is your take on thrashing children who don't behave?

I'm surprised to not see a mention of this. Many of us would have gone through this in our childhood and we may / may not believe it has made us better people. If I got thrashed for something I did, I'd probably NEVER do the same thing again.

Just asking for an opinion, folks. I don't want a debate on child abuse and the likes.
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Old 12th July 2008, 19:22   #34
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Fantastic Thread

I Learnt This:

"Grow Your Own Child To Know Your Parents Love"
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Old 12th July 2008, 19:59   #35
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A question to all you parents of young children: What is your take on thrashing children who don't behave?

I'm surprised to not see a mention of this. Many of us would have gone through this in our childhood and we may / may not believe it has made us better people. If I got thrashed for something I did, I'd probably NEVER do the same thing again.

Just asking for an opinion, folks. I don't want a debate on child abuse and the likes.

my son is only 11 months old, so he's not ready for a "thrashing". At the moment, if he's upto something dangerous, i just say NO very firmly. he usually stops doing it. sometimes if he finds his pursuit very interesting, he tries to continue what he's doing. if I repeat the "No" again, he usually gets upset and bursts into tears. that breaks my heart.

I don't think I'll ever be able to hit him. I find it difficult to say no to him. how can I hit him? Even now, when he acts stubborn and irritates his mother, I'm laughing at his antics and calming her down.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to talk to him when he misbehaves and make him understand. He is really naughty and strong willed now, but he also seems to undestand when he does something we dont like.

its too early for him to distinguish right from wrong, but when he starts being able to do so, I hope to help him make the right choices.

All this said, I have seen some right terrors during my stay abroad, and if my son even shows the slightest hint of going down that road, I will not spare the rod.
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Old 12th July 2008, 20:39   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hrag View Post
A question to all you parents of young children: What is your take on thrashing children who don't behave?

I'm surprised to not see a mention of this. Many of us would have gone through this in our childhood and we may / may not believe it has made us better people. If I got thrashed for something I did, I'd probably NEVER do the same thing again.

Just asking for an opinion, folks. I don't want a debate on child abuse and the likes.
I don't belong on this thread. I'm not married and I have no kids. But I'm here to help.

But I'm not sure if you understand the meaning of "To thrash someone" - If you do, I think it would be horrible to thrash a young kid, truly horrible.

If you don't, let me explain that to slap a child or spank a child is not to thrash.
To thrash is to really beat up badly. I do not think anyone in their right minds would advocate such a thing.
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Old 12th July 2008, 21:43   #37
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Originally Posted by hrag View Post
A question to all you parents of young children: What is your take on thrashing children who don't behave?

Just asking for an opinion, folks. I don't want a debate on child abuse and the likes.
Yes, kids need to be slapped and beaten in their childhood. This way the elders create an image that if done wrong, he/she would have to face wrath of elders. This will help in future as they will always be afraid of doing wrong.


P.S. I am not a member of this thread as I am not married, but found this post having good meaning, so replied.
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Old 12th July 2008, 21:47   #38
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Yes, kids need to be slapped and beaten in their childhood.
Come on guys!! What is the matter with you?

Kids need to be thrashed? Beaten? Where is all this coming from?

Strong reprimand is one thing. Spanking or mild striking is another thing, parents' choice and decision.

What is this beating and thrashing of children business?
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Old 12th July 2008, 21:47   #39
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From a mother to two boys, who I would say are high spirited, I do not believe in the so called smacking/spanking/hitting of children. Thrashing my boys?? Never. I was brought up where I was hit, I mean really hit if I even asked a simple question, as it was wrong to 'question' my parents. After all they were the adults, so therefore the authority. Everytime I visit India I am told that I am too laid back, have forgotten my upbringing/roots ec. Well, if that means raising happy children, so be it. We have a time out in our family, and even my little boy of 2 years knows if he has been naughty, then he goes and sits on his 'naughty chair' to think about what he has done. Time outs range from 5 minutes for the little guy, to 15 minutes for my older son. I try not to shout at them, we reason with them, and try and explain why what they have done is not acceptable.

Children are a blessing, a responsiblity of a lifetime, and I would never, ever talk about financial penalty, and my children in the same breath or sentence. The rewards you get when you get a hug, or a cuddle, or an I love you from your child, they are priceless. Sorry I am getting wound up about this, but it is just mho.
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Old 12th July 2008, 21:56   #40
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Sam: I think both of them mean to say the same thing as you. Its just that they are using the wrong words.
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Old 12th July 2008, 22:09   #41
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let me explain that to slap a child or spank a child is not to thrash.
I'm very sorry, I meant "spanking", not "thrashing". I'm sorry again - I'm beside myself.
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Old 12th July 2008, 22:34   #42
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Originally Posted by Sar View Post
From a mother to two boys, who I would say are high spirited, I do not believe in the so called smacking/spanking/hitting of children. Thrashing my boys?? Never. I was brought up where I was hit, I mean really hit if I even asked a simple question, as it was wrong to 'question' my parents. After all they were the adults, so therefore the authority. Everytime I visit India I am told that I am too laid back, have forgotten my upbringing/roots ec. Well, if that means raising happy children, so be it. We have a time out in our family, and even my little boy of 2 years knows if he has been naughty, then he goes and sits on his 'naughty chair' to think about what he has done. Time outs range from 5 minutes for the little guy, to 15 minutes for my older son. I try not to shout at them, we reason with them, and try and explain why what they have done is not acceptable.

Children are a blessing, a responsiblity of a lifetime, and I would never, ever talk about financial penalty, and my children in the same breath or sentence. The rewards you get when you get a hug, or a cuddle, or an I love you from your child, they are priceless. Sorry I am getting wound up about this, but it is just mho.
This is all fine if the kids are well behaved. But the notorious ones do deserve spankings, especially as they get older(I would never advocate even mild spankings to very young kid(say under 3-4)...I have found kids who are really unruly and does not know how to behave in public places, does not listen to the parents' reprimands. Reasoning may work with some kids, but not all. In some cases, you need to wield the stick. Sparing the rod may not be the best solution always. One needs to look at the child and the situation in question.

I was sometimes thrashed soundly for no fault of mine, so I will ensure that my son will not suffer the same fate.
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Old 12th July 2008, 22:53   #43
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Food and daipers cost me close to Rs 5K a month.
Abhi,can you please tell me what food you give her?
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Old 13th July 2008, 00:10   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi View Post
Strong reprimand is one thing. Spanking or mild striking is another thing, parents' choice and decision.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sar View Post
From a mother to two boys..We have a time out in our family..Time outs range from 5 minutes for the little guy, to 15 minutes for my older son. Sorry I am getting wound up about this, but it is just mho.
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This is all fine if the kids are well behaved. But the notorious ones do deserve spankings.
Sam, time outs are far more effective that a spanking. After a while the child stops to fear the spanking.

Sar, generally accepted rules for times outs are 1-2 minutes per year of child. So a 5 year old should need only 5-10 mintues and a 3 year only only 3-6 minutes. But I agreed with you 100%.

Kuttapan, I have a 6 year old boy. About 2-3 times a month I "baby sit" 3-4 6 year old boys (him and 2-3 friends) for an evening. In my experience I have found that I rarely have to raise my voice (much less my hand) to get attention. A stern voice is usually enough. There is no rational reason to raise a hand on any child. It serves no positive purpose.

I agree with Sar. As a father (of a 6 year old) I have never spanked my son in anger. Occasionally I will give him a friendly "tap" on the butt. Usually when I ask him to do something he does. We have rules.

Make rules. Stick to them. Dont let your child down up not doing so.

1. He can take out as many toys as he likes but only one at a time so he has to pack up toy #1 before taking out toy #2.

2. Cars, Lego, and things that can trip adults are restricted to his room/space.

3. 30 mins of TV on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. This can be traded in for 30 mins on the PC. Both activities are under adult supervision (one of us - usually me) sits with him through the activity.

4. Homework before fun. Homework does not mean only school work but also assignments my wife or I have given him.

5. The 3 Magic words.

6. Respect everyone even those you are paid to help you so our driver is not "Driver" but "Arjunji" and our girl is not "ayah/maid" but "Hema-didi". The 3 magic words applies to everyone.

We know we are working with one big disadvantage. Our son has 2 aunts and 1 uncle who dont have kids. When they visit or when we visit them he almost always gets some toy (usually small). He is expected to open the toy in their presence and play with them after all that is the only joy they get.

If his friends come over they get to choose what to play and get first choice in cars etc.. any toy he chooses not to share is confiscated. Later (over the next weekend) we ask him if he wants the toy back. We did this exactly once. As an only child sharing is something we lay a lot of stress on as it is not something he is not naturally exposed to.

My wife and I are both hyper, dogmatic, and aggressive so we feared a wild child (I was). In apphrehension we read the following:

Amazon.com: The Difficult Child: Expanded and Revised Edition: Stanley Turecki, Leslie Tonner: Books

Amazon.com: Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing: Michele, Ed.D. Borba: Books

Amazon.com: The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children: Ross W. Greene: Books

and a few others.

There is no need to use the word NO. You'll only teach him/her a word he/she will use on you.

It is a lot easier to sit him/her down and talk to him like you would do an adult. Love him/her and tell him/her that you do so everyday. So instead of "Rahul dont do that or I'll spank you" tell him "Rahul if you stop doing that you can give me a hug/high five".

The best thing you can give your child is your time and undivided attention. When I am doing any activity with my son I dont take calls not even my wifes calls (if she is out).

Last edited by navin : 13th July 2008 at 00:16.
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Old 13th July 2008, 00:13   #45
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some people hit children hit their kids because of their own frustration, some thinking it will correct them, some to give an impression to others that they are doing something about their kids behaviour.

only one thing i would suggest you to keep in mind is what effect it will have on kids. I agree each kid has a different threshold, and for some even hitting does not help. The threshold itself keeps changing based on the circumstances the kids is put in.

And I am not sugesting raising a child such that s/he starts shaking the moment you look at them. We need to keep the threshold at a level where slight fear of punishment keeps them on line. hitting will really not be any better than other forms of punishment like banning certain activities.

Oh, and it helps that in this country (US) one can be jailed for hitting kids, and kids can easily be given to social services and then foster homes if govt. thinks parents are abusing them. that's not very healthy either, but there is not much govt can leave to parents where family ties are not strong enough.
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