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Old 13th July 2008, 00:20   #46
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Originally Posted by Sar View Post
Children are a blessing, a responsiblity of a lifetime.
I believe that there comes a time when a parent must learn to let go. Children will grow up (usually by the time they have finished their first degree course or gotten married). It is then our responsibility to get out of the way.

I have reserved a list of hobbies and things to do when I get to be 60. :-)
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Old 13th July 2008, 10:10   #47
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Originally Posted by navin View Post

There is no need to use the word NO. You'll only teach him/her a word he/she will use on you.
that is true, it took my son only 2 days to master the use of that word. if he doesnt like something, he very politely smiles, scrunches up his face and says No no no no.
it is very cute to watch, but like you said, he is using it very effectively against us now.

but I'm at a loss on how to keep him safe.right now its 2-3 adults following him around to make sure he's not getting into trouble. but sometimes, we might avert our eyes for a few minutes and he's off again, finding sharp objects, climbing heights and palying with electricals. help!

what do I do if i see him build a little pedestal out of his toys to try and reach the switchboard/plug point?that kind of stuff is obviously dangerous and I want him to stop doing that. he's too young(11 months) for timeouts or serious talks.

I liked the way you handle your kid. but what do I do with mine? I cant apply that kind of training to a boy who's yet to be 1 yr old.
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Old 13th July 2008, 10:55   #48
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Originally Posted by navin View Post
...There is no need to use the word NO. You'll only teach him/her a word he/she will use on you...
So true. My 1 year old cousin sister says "na" and shakes her head vigorously when she doesnt like something.

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Originally Posted by navin View Post
...It is a lot easier to sit him/her down and talk to him like you would do an adult. Love him/her and tell him/her that you do so everyday. So instead of "Rahul dont do that or I'll spank you" tell him "Rahul if you stop doing that you can give me a hug/high five"....
I agree. Reasoning and an understanding of why you dont want him to do something helps much more than just a "NO".
However, in your example i would prefer it if it was (ofcourse depending on the childs age and abilitiy to understand) "Rahul dont do that because you might get hurt" or "Rahul dont make so much noise because i am on the phone and cant hear".
I feel like in the long run that might work better than a reward-based instruction. (get a hug, high-five, chocolate etc)

Quote:
Originally Posted by rippergeo View Post
...but I'm at a loss on how to keep him safe.right now its 2-3 adults following him around to make sure he's not getting into trouble. but sometimes, we might avert our eyes for a few minutes and he's off again, finding sharp objects, climbing heights and palying with electricals. help!...
Rippergeo,

I dont know how easily it will be to find these in India, but two things i can think of immediately are :

1. Caps that cover the wall plugs (KidSafe Child Safety Products, Electrical Outlet Caps for Child Safety)

2. Plastic screw-on latches for drawers and cabinets (you have to open the drawer slightly, then press it down and then the drawer/cabinet opens fully) > Kidco Drawer Cabinet Locks Child Safety

Check out this site for more : KidSafe Child Safety Products, Home

cya
R
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Old 13th July 2008, 11:05   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by navin View Post
I believe that there comes a time when a parent must learn to let go. Children will grow up (usually by the time they have finished their first degree course or gotten married). It is then our responsibility to get out of the way.

I have reserved a list of hobbies and things to do when I get to be 60. :-)
I agree with you Navin. Of course must let go, my 8 year old is growing up and away from me so quickly. I meant to say, you will always feel responsible for them, no matter what. And from the female perspective, its very hard to break those ties that bind I try to fit in some time once a month to work on my scrapping.

My boys are 8 (9 in September) and 27 months. They are like chalk & cheese. The older guy Josh loves his video games, transformers & lego, does gymnastics & swims. He's quiet, generally well behaved, but a brooder. Loves to cook, aims to be like Jamie Oliver or James Reeson one day. Listens to Linkin Park, Fall out Boy Elvis! He hates doing homework, loves drawing robots.
Jamie is his opposite, he is only quiet when he naps or is asleep at night. He's like a little energiser bunny, racing up & down on his trike, very vocal and mad about cars & bikes. So he sits by me or my husband when we watch motorsports on the telly. He loves the movie Cars & Bob the Builder. He dislikes having his hair cut & is afraid of animals.

They both absolutely love having people over to visit, whether it is a friend of theirs or ours. They're generally well behaved though my older son is getting to be a moody stroppy boy. Pre-teens I guess. They are gorgeous (to me), and drive me up the wall sometimes, but I love them
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Old 13th July 2008, 12:33   #50
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For studies, either myself or my wife has to sincerely concentrate on them. Otherwise, they will never get to learn things. I usually sit with my son during weekends for getting his homework done and during weekdays, my wife will take care of these things.

Currently, we are facing a dilema of sibling rivalry. Whatever my son wants my daugther also wants that and they often start fighting for the same item. Be it sitting in chair or toys or sitting in my/my wife's lap, they often fight over this. This irritates and we do punish them when they do not listen to what we say especially my son.
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Old 13th July 2008, 12:58   #51
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sar View Post
.. my 8 year old is growing up and away from me so quickly.
Reminds me of one poem, by IMHO one of India's best poets.
Note : the emphasis in the lines quoted here is mine.



" KEY" by Dom Moraes:

Ground in the Victorian lock, stiff,
With difficulty screwed open,
To admit me to the seven mossed stairs
And the badly kept garden.

Who runs to me in memory
Through flowers destroyed by no love

But the child with brown hair and eyes,
Smudged all over with toffee?

I lick his cheeks. I bounce him in air.
Two bounces, he disappears.

Fifteen years later, he redescends,
Not as a postponed child, but a letter
Asking me for his father who now possesses
No garden, no home, not even any key.
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Old 13th July 2008, 13:18   #52
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we found out time-out was more effective than spanking (which we tried for sometime).

one word which comes to my mind is shut-up. My wife used this word to him only twice when he was disturbing us when we were talking. the next time when me and my son were in conversation and she called for me, this guy turns around, smiles sweetly and said, "mom please shut-up. dont be a pain". Now this word is never used by anybody at home.
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Old 13th July 2008, 13:34   #53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Surprise View Post
Fantastic Thread

I Learnt This:

"Grow Your Own Child To Know Your Parents Love"
Very true. You would learn it only by experiencing it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by navin View Post
Sam, time outs are far more effective that a spanking. After a while the child stops to fear the spanking.
Thanks. I will keep this in mind when my son grows up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by navin View Post
There is no need to use the word NO. You'll only teach him/her a word he/she will use on you.
I completely agree with you.
We say No to restrict him from things he is not supposed to do - playing with switch, mobile etc. Now the word he uses most is No followed by Good Boy and Thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by navin View Post

The best thing you can give your child is your time and undivided attention. When I am doing any activity with my son I dont take calls not even my wifes calls (if she is out).
Great point Navin. I am a firm believer in this.

My father died when I was in high school. I treasure and remember the precious time I spent with him.

Last edited by PatienceWins : 13th July 2008 at 13:46.
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Old 13th July 2008, 13:56   #54
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It's indeed a bliss to share such gracious n happyness filled momments,I am not blessed yet to go through it.

I need input on this:-
When childern are in a group,what is the best way out to tell or teach her/him that she/he has dome something wrong and it should not be done again.I am asking this as i have seen that child do count peer presure even in small age,they do feel insulted even if they are corrected for their good.
What could be the best way out in these cirumstances so that the child takes it in a postive way,and an example is set for other childern too.
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Old 13th July 2008, 14:45   #55
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@Sar, spoken like a true mother. Though, i am married but don't have any children i completely agree with your approach towards the child.

Children are blessings from god and if we know how to reprimand them properly ( read subtly), i think that should be enough to put them back on track.

When children are brought up in good environment and still don't listen to strong doses of verbal explanation then parents need to understand that they are not keeping good company out of the home and need to badly investigate the same. Other than that, i still beileve that affection is the biggest weapon in correcting your children and strongly beileve that thrashing does not work
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Old 13th July 2008, 22:55   #56
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Nie thread Patiencewins, Gives all the daddys/mummys and even singles to share about parenting which according to me is one of the toughest jobs (if done properly).

My daughter is now 1 3/4 years old and already talks like a big girl, she says NO, PLEASE, SORRY, LOVE YOU and THANK YOU. She knows when I am really angry or faking anger, brings me shoes as soon as I finish my breakfast and also brings my helmet. Many times I wonder if I would have been as smart as this child even when I was 6 years old. This I feel would hold good for many of us parents since the new generation is born intelligent than us.

Wife's and my life revolves around my daughter. I took up a less paying job since it gave me flexibility and work-from home option. My wife an amazingly talented gynaecologist is working for only 3 hours a day (that too I forced her to go since she is one of the best doctors I have seen and I feel she needs to be in touch with her profession) so that she spends the rest of her time with the child. I used to have lots and lots of friends but I am losing touch with most of them due to lack of time.

My day starts with making my daughter break-fast and feeding her. I almost always put her to bed in the nights.

I can go on and on and on...

Thiyags
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Old 14th July 2008, 10:51   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vivekiny2k View Post
some people hit children hit their kids because of their own frustration.
Then it is the Adults who need a Time Out. When I get frustrated I go for a walk. I walk for a few minutes usually even less just to put things in perspective.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rippergeo View Post
but I'm at a loss on how to keep him safe.
finding sharp objects, climbing heights and palying with electricals. help!

I liked the way you handle your kid. but what do I do with mine? I cant apply that kind of training to a boy who's yet to be 1 yr old.
Children might not be able to communicate but they understand quit a bit.

Use scotch tape over all unused electrical sockets. sharp objects should never be within their reach we kept kitchen knives on top of the refrigerator.
Use a butcher's block for knives you need while working in the kitchen and replace knives so you only have one place to check.

We taught our son that glass can hurt early and our explanation went something like this
"See Adi, when glass breaks it is sharp like a knife. If it breaks we can get a new glass but you can get hurt. Do you want to get hurt?" Ofcoruse we had to repeat this a few times but he got the message.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gill View Post
I need input on this:-
When childern are in a group,what is the best way out to tell or teach her/him that she/he has dome something wrong and it should not be done again.I am asking this as i have seen that child do count peer presure even in small age,they do feel insulted even if they are corrected for their good.
What could be the best way out in these cirumstances so that the child takes it in a postive way,and an example is set for other childern too.
Dont embarrass a child in front of his friends if it can be wait. However certain corrections are quite acceptable and should be done as soon as the behaviour is observed.
1. sharing (especially if your child is the one at fault).
2. hitting/fighting in anger (play boxing is ok).

The corrections should be short. "Adi, share, you got 2 Rahul has none", "Adi, dont hit, say sorry", "Adi say thank you, or Adi, what do you say?".

Then follow this with a hug. Small childten (under 7) loved to be hugged.

Remember to seperate the person from the activity. You are correcting the activity not the person.

I am not above correcting other people's children as well. Kids realise this. When I get home (around 6:30pm) I usually have 2-4 kids tell me what the other kids did. I listen. Do nothing. What was done was done, nobody got hurt and that's all that I worry about. I take my tea to the building compund in a thermal mug and listen to the kids. It calms me.

If you love kids, they return that love 1000 fold.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thiyags22 View Post
Wife's and my life revolves around my daughter... I used to have lots and lots of friends but I am losing touch with most of them due to lack of time.

My day starts with making my daughter break-fast and feeding her. I almost always put her to bed in the nights.
:-) Et Tu!

Enjoy it. Soon she will gorw up and will want to be more independant but the values you are inculcating now will keep her in good stead for the rest of her life.

Last edited by tsk1979 : 14th July 2008 at 12:07. Reason: Consecutive posts within 15 minutes :)
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Old 14th July 2008, 18:51   #58
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Patiencewins thaaaanks to start a such a good thread.Already it is bringing us together emotionally.Hope this thread will continue forever.
Navinji,
Quote:
Originally Posted by navin View Post
Sam, time outs are far more effective that a spanking.
Sar, generally accepted rules for times outs are 1-2 minutes per year of child.
Sorry my english is not that good.what is time outs
Quote:
There is no rational reason to raise a hand on any child. It serves no positive purpose.
After a while the child stops to fear the spanking.
True.I always try my best to avoid spanking,but sometimes when my son misbehave i have to.
Quote:
I agree with Sar. As a father (of a 6 year old) I have never spanked my son in anger.
How did you managed it.-full credit to your son?

Quote:
Respect everyone even those you are paid to help you so our driver is not "Driver" but "Arjunji" and our girl is not "ayah/maid" but "Hema-didi".
We also follow this.

Quote:
My wife and I are both hyper, dogmatic, and aggressive so we feared a wild child.
We are but the worst thing is some time my son behaves like us.

Quote:
There is no need to use the word NO. You'll only teach him/her a word he/she will use on you.).
True.But how will you control them.

Quote:
It is a lot easier to sit him/her down and talk to him like you would do an adult. Love him/her and tell him/her that you do so everyday. So instead of "Rahul dont do that or I'll spank you" tell him "Rahul if you stop doing that you can give me a hug/high five".
In my case it is working but not always.

Quote:
The best thing you can give your child is your time and undivided attention.
100% Most of us know what we lost in our young age.My father was most angry fellow i have seen.

Last edited by mohang_j : 14th July 2008 at 19:00.
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Old 14th July 2008, 22:35   #59
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Originally Posted by mohang_j View Post
Sorry my english is not that good.what is time outs

How did you managed it.-full credit to your son?
Time outs are like "Go stand in the corner for 5 minutes and think about what you have done, and why it is not good to repeat that behaviour"

Take 10 secs and breathe deeply. Wash your face and come back. It'll give you enough time to cool off. There is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by hitting a child. I dont have any training in child psychology or anything like that but every book I have read insists on this and in my expereince I have found it works.

One more thing do not promise a punishment you cannot carry through.
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Old 17th July 2008, 22:36   #60
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Originally Posted by thiyags22 View Post
Nie thread Patiencewins, Gives all the daddys/mummys and even singles to share about parenting which according to me is one of the toughest jobs (if done properly).

My daughter is now 1 3/4 years old and already talks like a big girl, she says NO, PLEASE, SORRY, LOVE YOU and THANK YOU. She knows when I am really angry or faking anger, brings me shoes as soon as I finish my breakfast and also brings my helmet. Many times I wonder if I would have been as smart as this child even when I was 6 years old. This I feel would hold good for many of us parents since the new generation is born intelligent than us.

Wife's and my life revolves around my daughter. I took up a less paying job since it gave me flexibility and work-from home option. My wife an amazingly talented gynaecologist is working for only 3 hours a day (that too I forced her to go since she is one of the best doctors I have seen and I feel she needs to be in touch with her profession) so that she spends the rest of her time with the child. I used to have lots and lots of friends but I am losing touch with most of them due to lack of time.

My day starts with making my daughter break-fast and feeding her. I almost always put her to bed in the nights.

I can go on and on and on...

Thiyags
This is really touching. I see some similarities. My son uses the same words except 'I Love you'. My son also brings me the shoe , watch and key when I am going out. My son usually sleeps laying on my chest.

Good you are able to spend time with your family. May Allah bless you and your family.
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