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Old 21st January 2013, 21:05   #766
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

Here in North west London, we are having our annual "snowmaggedon", where the falling of a single snow flake is enough to make train stop running, bring down power lines, and cause drivers to act like drunken donkeys.

On the plus side, my daughter Misha, is finding the newly whitened world a fun place to be:
Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences-x.jpg

She was somewhat confused by the disappearance of the lawn, somewhere she learned to walk and run, there was much crouching and digging through to find the grass.

For the parents putting their little ones into daycare/nursey/creche/etc, my own experience was from only one day a week, as my wife is part time working, and I was able to rejig my rota to suit. Misha would come home, and by bedtime, the problems would start. Little food and drink intake, a lot of pooing and crying, little or no sleep, we'd spend the next three days with her not being too well, and by the time she was back to fighting fit, it was back to the nursery, for it all to start again. Luckily we had the option of my parents, who help out, another rejig of my rota, and touch wood, she's been spot on for the last 4 months. No illnesses, good appetite, putting on weight at last, and curiously, much more sociable.

I had feared taking her group time away might make her withdrawn a little, if anoything she's far more interactive with the kids she meets at drop in session at local nurserys for an hour, shopping trips with us, and family events.

I know there are pros and cons, and circumstances don't always suit. This summer we are pretty much going to have to go for a formal daycare arrangement, due to changes at work, and family commitments. But I'm hoping that she's a little stronger now, and a bit more resistant to bugs.

Till then, I continue to be amazed on a daily basis, from a tiny hand sized bundle, to a little lady who decides when she will hold hands for a walk, or going up stairs.

The only thing I am absolutely sure of is this: I can make a drunken, foul mouthed yob, spoiling for a figvht do exactly what i want. However everytime I get into it with a 20 month old girl...I lose.
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Old 21st January 2013, 22:33   #767
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

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There is a day care in the JP Morgan office campus too on ORR just after Marathahalli. We are planning to put our 1 yr old daughter there in January. Has anyone got any experience with this place?

MaSh
Hi.
I may be really late to reply, but wanted to let you know that the day care is called YKROK, "Your Kids Are Our Kids " and its in my office campus.
There are 3 or more center of YKROK in bangalore.
I had got my 1.5 year son admitted there for about 6 months when my parents had to go to US to visit my brother .
I wanted my son to be close to his mother, so i got him admited to YKROK Electronic City branch instead of the center in my office.
The YKROK centers are good, i have a friend who has both this babies @ YKROK from the time his kids were 4 months old, and he is happy with the way YKROK handles his babies.

Even my son also used to happy when he used to go there.
Please pm if you need any other info about the day care @ PTP campus .

Cheers.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 11:20   #768
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

Thanks Guite. Well, we have got her enrolled. Was quite the joke that day at home - getting a 5 month enrolled for preschool. Visited their facility in Munirka, which we found to be good.

Which branch was your son enrolled in?

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Late reply, nonetheless. Mother's Pride is good as a play school, my son loved it. However the formal school, Presidio, is not in demand. So I don't think that deal should be a deciding factor. Btw, my son has since started formal schooling elsewhere.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 20:00   #769
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

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Thanks Guite. Well, we have got her enrolled. Was quite the joke that day at home - getting a 5 month enrolled for preschool. Visited their facility in Munirka, which we found to be good.

Which branch was your son enrolled in?
Sorry I misunderstood your post. I thought 2/3 years down the line she will be starting formal school. Booking play school for 5 month old baby is odd indeed.

My son was enrolled in the Noida branch. He is now in DPS.
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Old 23rd January 2013, 10:57   #770
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

The misunderstanding may be due to the use of the word 'enrolled' by me. What I meant was that we have registered her. Kind of a booking. Charges Rs 6500/-. The features of the scheme are:-
- she has an assured place in Mother's pride when she is ready for plays chool
- the fees styructure prevalant at current time will be applicable to her then
- can withdraw the booking and get back 6000/- at any point of time

Seemed like a good idea, considering that if we did not want to take it up the loss would be Rs 500/- + interest on the total amount.

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Sorry I misunderstood your post. I thought 2/3 years down the line she will be starting formal school. Booking play school for 5 month old baby is odd indeed.

My son was enrolled in the Noida branch. He is now in DPS.
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Old 3rd March 2013, 21:16   #771
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

My son is now 6 years old. Two years back when he started formal schooling we used to send him by school bus. We did that for just about a month and since then have been dropping and picking up by personal car.

We (wife and me) thought we will now send him by bus again so that he can mingle with more kids. He refuses saying other kids in the bus call him Chinese. We are from the north east part of India. I am not sure whether it was a taunt or just passing comment. What is clear though is that he does not like it enough to remember it more than one and half years later, an incident which took place when he was barely 4 years 3 months. At another level, it amazes me how a child can be so sensitive about identity, and see certain terms as derogatory when he does not know what or who a Chinese is.

My question is: should I continue our effort of assimilating him (at his age) at possible cost to his self esteem? The situation is compounded by the fact that he gets upset easily. When he is upset he internalises his anger, which brings up next point.

He often throws tantrum when he is angry. He stomps his feet, shouts, etc. how do I control his tantrum? He normally listens to reasons but his tantrums stump us.
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Old 3rd March 2013, 22:19   #772
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

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He often throws tantrum when he is angry. He stomps his feet, shouts, etc. how do I control his tantrum? He normally listens to reasons but his tantrums stump us.
Hi Guite

I can understand your situation. I think you should not go out of the way to separate your son from the van and dropping to school yourself. You can teach him not to bother about other people comments and that the taunts is just normal and not a big deal. Teach him to ignore it.

With regard to throwing tantrums, you will probably just need to make him understand clearly that the behavior is unacceptable. Every time he does this behavior, he should realize that he will be punished. The punishment can be in the form of timeout or some other means that he does not enjoy. This has to be consistently repeated. Should not let go without punishment on some instances which will encourage them to do it again with the hope he will not be punished this time.

I know it is easier said than done. Behavior like these from kids can be highly stressful to parents like us. More so when you get complaint from teachers at school. I am going through a similar situation with my 5 year old son as well and we have every teacher complaining about him about his antics and disturbance to class and I am still searching for solutions
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Old 4th March 2013, 03:10   #773
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

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My son is now 6 years old.
bullying is and has been a problem in schools, more so when you look different from the crowd. I think you should complain about this incident to the authorities, and also educate your son so he understand it as other kids' ignorance as opposed to his own shortcoming. It's not only wrong, it's politically and factually incorrect.

I also remember derogatory remarks in my childhood and the worst thing I did was thinking there was something wrong with me, and even tried to change myself. I wish I could undo that.

Tantrums are thrown only if they are shown to work. If you demonstrate that they don't work, slowly they will stop. It's tough, but take small steps and it may work. You can use incentives or punishments (no TV, timeout etc) too.
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Old 4th March 2013, 20:27   #774
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

Thanks gopikb and vivekiny2k for your inputs. I could take it up with the school authorities but that does not assure 100% protection. I have a choice of shielding him for some more time until he gets older or expose him to occasional taunts and teach him to handle it. At six years is he old enough for the latter?
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Old 4th March 2013, 21:00   #775
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

Here in US such incidents can get kids suspended (yes, even in kindergarten). But obviously in India we are lenient towards all wrongdoings except PDA. Since you say that your son gets pretty upset, you should probably teach him to have a thick skin to such comments first. Easier said than done though.

Encouraging and embracing diversity is something that authorities can definitely take up. May be you could ask for regular infomercial about your culture, food, art etc in school (your son does it one day, a local student does it another day, to keep things equal). Remember, bullies are also little kids, may be they just don't know enough. I see it here all the time, especially since although increasing, Indians are still in minority here. On Diwali my son came home and surprised us with a story that was taught to him in school, as a part of learning different cultures. And that was the first Diwali he was actually interested in going to the temple and finding various deities by names. Kids can feel proud of themselves once their heritage is publicly celebrated and understood.
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Old 14th March 2013, 11:51   #776
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

Today,my 5-yr old son asked me 'THE' question. "Where do babies come from?", "How does it goes in to mommy's tummy?".
We have a 5 month old baby too and I guess the newborn in the house got him thinking about babies. I wasn't prepared to answer him when he asked and so I told him that the babies are God's gift which prompted him to say that Jesus must be having lot of babies to gift everyone. sigh!

So, my question is suggestion for books to read as parents or illustrated story books that we can read with him together to help explain the baby-making business in age-appropriate terms. We don't want to tell him stories. we'd rather he knows the facts in an age-appropriate manner. Any good books that you can suggest on this topic will be helpful for us.

Also, if you've gone through this with your kids, how did you handle it?
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Old 15th March 2013, 12:14   #777
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

Guite

I guess it is a very tough question to respond to and without knowing more it would become increasingly difficult to point to a direction. However, i wanted to leave you with something that i learnt over the years and on reflecting at my past

Kids are resilient period. They overcome a lot of odds. Kids also lack information to make judicious decisions. Your son's harassment of being called Chinese is possibly thanks to the lack of information of other kids. Rather than take it with the school authorities who will most probably resort to a punishment, it is imperative that kids be taught to respect each other's ethnicity. Further, preventing your son from mingling with kids who might cause issues can be damaging in the long run without us realising it. We all learnt from our mistakes when we were young. Let our kids do the same

Possibly, you might want to impress upon him the better part of being the ethnic group that he is, revel in the magic of the NE region and let him have pride in who he is. This brings confidence and with that courage. He also needs to learn to accept others with their flaws. None of us are perfect and such incidents as these at a young age will provide a good platform for him.

As for tantrums, some kids show more of it and some less. The best way to overcome is to educate and reason rather than threaten.

But at the end of the day, i believe in something that we are the best judges of how best we can spoil our children.
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Old 15th March 2013, 13:46   #778
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

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Originally Posted by Guite View Post
At another level, it amazes me how a child can be so sensitive about identity, and see certain terms as derogatory when he does not know what or who a Chinese is.
I think the manner and intent with which words are used dictate whether they are seen as complimentary, neutral or derogatory. Though children might not know the meaning of some of these words, they are smart enough to figure out if they are being used in a good or bad way.


About the problem - it is a bunch of kids, or just one kid who is the ring leader with these taunts? Maybe speak with that child's parents requesting them to have a word with their son?

cya
R
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Old 15th March 2013, 14:08   #779
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Thank you for your responses.
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Originally Posted by subraiyr View Post
Guite
Kids are resilient period. They overcome a lot of odds. Kids also lack information to make judicious decisions. Your son's harassment of being called Chinese is possibly thanks to the lack of information of other kids. Rather than take it with the school authorities who will most probably resort to a punishment, it is imperative that kids be taught to respect each other's ethnicity. Further, preventing your son from mingling with kids who might cause issues can be damaging in the long run without us realising it. We all learnt from our mistakes when we were young. Let our kids do the same
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About the problem - it is a bunch of kids, or just one kid who is the ring leader with these taunts? Maybe speak with that child's parents requesting them to have a word with their son?
cya
R
It was an incident which happened two years back, based on which he expressed his reluctance to travel by school bus now. After bringing up the topic multiple times during the last two weeks he is now willing under condition that the teacher accompanying the bus should tell other kids that he is not Chinese. So it is looking good, we can definitely speak to the teachers concerned.

There has been no temper flare up this past few weeks, so hoping that it becomes a trend.
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Old 15th March 2013, 14:10   #780
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Default Re: Parenthood: Sharing the joy, precious moments, learnings and experiences

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Today,my 5-yr old son asked me 'THE' question. "Where do babies come from?", "How does it goes in to mommy's tummy?".
We have a 5 month old baby too and I guess the newborn in the house got him thinking about babies. I wasn't prepared to answer him when he asked and so I told him that the babies are God's gift which prompted him to say that Jesus must be having lot of babies to gift everyone. sigh!

So, my question is suggestion for books to read as parents or illustrated story books that we can read with him together to help explain the baby-making business in age-appropriate terms. We don't want to tell him stories. we'd rather he knows the facts in an age-appropriate manner. Any good books that you can suggest on this topic will be helpful for us.

Also, if you've gone through this with your kids, how did you handle it?
My girl had similar doubts a few months back, when we visited my wife’s friend after delivery. And then after a couple of days she asked me “Can you ask mommy to go and stay in the hospital so that doctor will give her a baby to take home?”

I am sure there maybe books / materials around to logically explain this to kids, but I have not explored those yet. My girl will be 5 in a couple months, and I believe they may need some more time to get these logically registered in their minds.
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