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Old 10th May 2009, 20:54   #61
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I don't know how this thread, started in 2008, missed my eye; I stumbled onto it just now. I read the entire 4 pages with various comments and suggestions with interest and amusement.

I come from UP and there is a saying, that I qoute, but before that I ask for forgiveness from all of the female TBHP members here, as I have no intention of judging the fairer sex or their qualities - "aurat voh tiriya-charitra, jise Brahma bhi nahi samajh paya".

Having said that and married for 23 yrs (mine was an arranged marriage although my wife's elder brother was my classmate in school) with two grown up kids, I would like to offer my two cents here:

No two persons are identical in their thoughts, likes & dislikes and between the opposite sexes the tendency is to Agree to Disagree most of the times. Before marriage, during courtship or having girlfriend/boyfriend and spending time is the most blissful thing in the world, but when two such lovebirds marry, later on differences crop up and sometimes irretrievable break-ups happen. Why? Before marriage, one meets on the sly most of the times, has less time on hands to spend with each other, the fear of being caught or seen by others aways remains and then there is a time-limit by when the girl has to be dropped back home. So, one goes back home with the pain of parting and eagerly waits for the next day with a longing to meet.

During this time everything of each other is so cute and lovable and even some of the quirks and eccentricities are found to be very adorable. Post marriage, these things become an irritant. The set of friends for which you would lay your life down, are frowned upon by the better half. Things one normally did before marriage are generally disapproved. if you stay in a joint family then there are different kind of tensions other than these to cope up with.

In older days when love marriages were not that common, generally the girl used to be from a different village or city. Thus the visit to "maika" was less and adjustments in the husband's family was fast and easy.

Now with nuclear families and many a times marriages happening in the same city, things are different. I don't have to elaborate the scenario.

One can go on and on. I too faced a similar situation after marriage. I found a way out. My wife is a homemaker. Sundays & Holidays are very strictly family day. TBHPians know that I don't attend meets organised on Sundays or Holidays..

Meeting with friends or having a drink or two with them is done on weekdays that gets integrated with working day. I generally make it a point to come back home and have dinner. That keeps the wifey happy, for if you say that you shall not have dinner, then the antenna is up and interrogation starts. This is generally true to most of my school/college friends. Once in a while during major festivals we may visit each other or call them over, but 9 out of 10 times we generally meet at a restaurant, have our stag parties and disperse.

Home and hearth is happy.

Welcome to the "Patni Peedit Club"...
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Old 11th May 2009, 00:04   #62
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Welcome to the "Patni Peedit Club"...
No wonder they call you Guruji.


ok, I'm off to the Hanuman-mandir...

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Old 11th May 2009, 10:51   #63
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Originally Posted by gd1418 View Post
No two persons are identical in their thoughts, likes & dislikes and between the opposite sexes the tendency is to Agree to Disagree most of the times. Before marriage, during courtship or having girlfriend/boyfriend and spending time is the most blissful thing in the world, but when two such lovebirds marry, later on differences crop up and sometimes irretrievable break-ups happen. Why? Before marriage, one meets on the sly most of the times, has less time on hands to spend with each other, the fear of being caught or seen by others aways remains and then there is a time-limit by when the girl has to be dropped back home. So, one goes back home with the pain of parting and eagerly waits for the next day with a longing to meet.

During this time everything of each other is so cute and lovable and even some of the quirks and eccentricities are found to be very adorable. Post marriage, these things become an irritant. The set of friends for which you would lay your life down, are frowned upon by the better half. Things one normally did before marriage are generally disapproved. if you stay in a joint family then there are different kind of tensions other than these to cope up with.
Well said, Guruji. the very first sentence sums it up beautifully.
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Old 12th May 2009, 08:54   #64
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Wow, I didn't know what started as a baby(meaning this thread) has grown out into a full-blown adult in a year. Posting this thread has been a lesson learnt for me due to some intelligent comments shared in this thread. The biggest learning was that you have to include/share your interests with your partner(male/female). There is no point trying to act snobbish & saying that this is how you are & how you will be. Patience, not rigid attitude is what will get us through. I agree with Sam that this is turning out to be a very sexist thread though the intention was not likewise when I initiated it. We need to be sensistive to the ladies around us. I guess being a man in these times translates into being more sensitive & not unlike what we have observed in hindi movies all these years.
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Old 12th May 2009, 12:44   #65
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I wanted to comment quite a few times already since the thread had been revived. What kept me from doing so was that there was actually too much to say from my side.

One thing that I would like to share though is that the way this thread has gone is absolutely SAD, SEXIST and SHOCKING!

I wonder why you guys are married at all, arranged marriage or not. It is an insult for all those who really love and respect their partners. And it is an insult for all the women - not only on this forum - to see how immaturely they are dealt with.
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Old 12th May 2009, 13:32   #66
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I have not experienced any of the problems mentioned here. You cannot expect the relationship to work for you if you do not work on it.

Women are more loving and sensitive than men. If you invest your time and effort in marriage the relationship builds over time and both of you would be happy. You would prefer to spend more time at home than going out for your hobbies/ interests.

According to me, the best part about marriage is kids who would love you more than you could ever imagine.

My wife keeps making fun of Team-BHP/ automobile forums as I spend most of my free time there. I make fun of her cookery shows as she spends most of her free time there. Though we do enjoy/ approve each others interest, we are happy to see the other person happy.
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Old 12th May 2009, 14:17   #67
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An African saying which I hold to, and is true in real life.
"If you want to walk quick, walk alone.. But if you want to walk far, walk together...
We need to Respect the partner, else dont have the right to live with them or insult them.
An old saying said, "if the women[Laxmi/Devi] of the house is Happy and Respected, there will be overall progress and Happiness in the Family" This holds true, IMO. Lots can be said, but i refrain, lest it causes another long not so nice debate. Respect them, and if in doubt, dont venture into the lifetime Bond till you Really need a Partner and have found a suitable one.
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Old 12th May 2009, 14:31   #68
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A Request.

Can someone please point out the Sexist posts here.
Maybe I just need to get more in tune with all sides of my emotions. But please treat this as a humble request.
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Old 12th May 2009, 14:41   #69
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Originally Posted by TheOne® View Post
I wanted to comment quite a few times already since the thread had been revived. What kept me from doing so was that there was actually too much to say from my side.

One thing that I would like to share though is that the way this thread has gone is absolutely SAD, SEXIST and SHOCKING!

I wonder why you guys are married at all, arranged marriage or not. It is an insult for all those who really love and respect their partners. And it is an insult for all the women - not only on this forum - to see how immaturely they are dealt with.
Sorry, one more thing: I didn't mean everybody who participated in this discussion. No offense for those who actually have a sense for partnership and marriage and expressed this clearly.
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Old 12th May 2009, 14:57   #70
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Those who think THIS thread is sexist, should have a look at these two threads first:

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/street...ian-roads.html

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/collec...u-spot-em.html

Seriously! I've been up and down this thread twice when i read that its being labelled as a sexist thread. But to my disappointment, apart from a couple of posts maybe, i didnt find anything of that kind anywhere! Maybe some jokes were taken seriously??
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Old 12th May 2009, 15:00   #71
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I too had prevented myself from commenting on this thread as being somebody's wife already, I know how I tend to behave at times. But the only thing I have learnt from my 13 years of relationship ( 6 before marraige and 7 after ) that you need to give each other breathing space but still need to be with each other at all the times of need. It is simple equation of give and take, where both have to give equally to make it work. I have seen difference of opinions turn into ugly fights but over the time you know where to stop before its gets bad.

As far as solutions are concerned, it is better left to indivual themselves, becos neither two individuals are same nor the situations they find themselves into. It isnt neccesary that like all similar problems can be handled with a similar solution.

As somebody has alreadymentioned here that women are more emotional and sensitive, I agree to it but if somebody loves me truly and knows me long enough, he will surely try to change his ways. Women generally do that more often.

my two cents.

Mansi
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Old 12th May 2009, 15:04   #72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amitoj View Post
Seriously! I've been up and down this thread twice when i read that its being labelled as a sexist thread. But to my disappointment, apart from a couple of posts maybe, i didnt find anything of that kind anywhere!
Nahi nahi Amitoj, sexist doesn't mean that. Pointless going up and down the thread. Those sort of posts are not allowed here on a family forum, lol.

(Of course I am kidding, I know you know the difference, but you left that one wide open)

I think Jenny is referring to the threads that have the tone of "Go out and have a great time, just don't tell her that you had a good time" and other posts. It's also about that whole "I can't do that, I can't do this, she won't let me" and more. I think this thread and the others you pointed out have many posts that are written by a bunch of boys that assume no woman is reading this. And that itself is sexist.

It may not be sexist to a guy, but the general tone could appear quite sexist to a woman.

I can tell. I am in quite touch with my sensitive side.

Last edited by Sam Kapasi : 12th May 2009 at 15:09.
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Old 12th May 2009, 15:11   #73
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Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi View Post
Nahi nahi Amitoj, sexist doesn't mean that. Those sort of posts are not allowed here on a family forum, lol.

(Of course I am kidding, I know you know the difference, but you left that one wide open)
Am glad you caught that!! This thread was badly in need of a joke. EDIT: Wrote "good joke" earlier. Removed "good".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi View Post
I think Jenny is referring to the threads that have the tone of "Go out and have a great time, just don't tell her that you had a good time" and other posts. I think this thread and the others you pointed out have many posts that are written by a bunch of boys.

It may not be sexist to a guy, but the general tone could appear quite sexist to a woman.

I can tell. I am in quite touch with my sensitive side.
I actually thought those "dont tell her" posts were also in jest. No?

Last edited by amitoj : 12th May 2009 at 15:14.
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Old 12th May 2009, 15:59   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi View Post
You know what I think?

I think this is a very sexist thread. And a bit insensitive considering that Team-BHP now has many active female members.
We should learn to talk a little differently.

I hope everyone's wives and girlfriends read these comments you have made.
Sam, I understand how you feel, but you got to remind yourself that this is India & most of us are hypocritic. We cannot equate the f with the m which is why we reserve seats for w in buses, trains etc.

Coming back to the topic, I am married for 10 years now. I still have my space, I have my fun. The only thing that is new has been responsibilities. Not the kind that requires me to switch off fans/lights, but the kind that tells me that my life is no more mine alone. I am responsible for my family. My wife & kids look up to me & I have to make sure that I don't let them down. My kind of fun is a little different now, but it still is fun. Now if someone thinks that is a 'Travail', then he/she has got to grow up & get a real life, away from keyboards and TV. No offence meant to anyone.
cheers
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Old 12th May 2009, 16:27   #75
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How many of you watch "According to Jim" on star world? I think all your doubts will be answered in that! Can we close this thread now, just kidding
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