|View Poll Results: Do you share household chores|
|I am a Man and Yes I do||105||85.37%|
|I am a Man and No I don't||15||12.20%|
|I am a Woman and my spouse shares the chores||2||1.63%|
|I am a Woman and my spouse does not share the chores||1||0.81%|
|Voters: 123. You may not vote on this poll|
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|5th March 2010, 12:50||#31|
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Panaji - Goa/Bangalore - Karnataka
Thanked: 708 Times
She is part of all the major and minor decisions in our house. Her view is taken for each and every problem that arises. Neither of us take decisions independently without talking to each other. We even discuss each others work, projects and issues.
That as per me is equality.
And I come from the only state in India that has Uniform Civil Code. We got married in Goa.
Equality between the sexes is a normal thing for us.
This one is mine LOL
|5th March 2010, 15:19||#32|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Feb 2009
Thanked: 417 Times
While I do believe in equality of genders, but I am against any kind of reservation - either based on caste or based on gender.
The whole idea of reservation is against equality. Reservation is just a gimmick used by our politicians to increase their vote bank.
I can't vote on this thread because I am still an eligible bachelor.
When I get married, I would definitely help out my wife in household chores, but the reason would be love, not equality of gender.
I am willing to treat women same as men, as long as women don't expect reserved seats in buses, separate queue at counters and (the best one) don't expect men to hold the door for them.
Women need to decide, whether they want to be treated equally or differently by men. They should not maintain double standards.
|5th March 2010, 15:45||#33|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Jan 2010
Thanked: 2,147 Times
Voted "I am a Man and No I don't" due to circumstances; my Wife doesn't work & she shares all the household load; I work & share all the outside work & I feel we're doing justice to each other; Once she starts working, I'll take up some house hold work.
IMO, women are treated equally when they feel confident of handling everything on their own on all aspects of life; when I feel, "oh!!! this is a tough job & let me do it", that's when I snatch their freedom; I don't mean tough work on any physical activities, but I would say something when it comes to make a purchase or planning a construction or money management. Basically, there's nothing called women's activity & man's activity, if there arises a situation to cook/wash, I can & have done it in the past. Infact most of the new recepie's are born from me & executed by Mother/Wife.
Last edited by aargee : 5th March 2010 at 15:49.
|5th March 2010, 18:52||#34|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Thanked: 162 Times
|5th March 2010, 20:25||#36|
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Trivandrum, Kerala
Thanked: 38 Times
Nice thread this one, but as a bachelor can't vote on this. But nice gyaan being dispersed via this thread. I think this thread will be useful for future "bakras" like me.
pramodkumar quote<till the time my wife started target prctice on me things were fine.>quote
Dude, A good one, really good one that is.
@Mpower - I thought in a marriage negotiations were always open from "her" side only. Pl. correct me if I am wrong
Last edited by Nutty Nair : 5th March 2010 at 20:27.
|5th March 2010, 20:29||#37|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Thanked: 86 Times
I like my woman to Cook and clean for me.
she should also be ready to make me a sandwich whenever my heart desires .
P.S hope my Mrs Doesn't check out this thread 5-10 years from now :lol
|5th March 2010, 20:53||#38|
Join Date: Jul 2007
Thanked: 7,015 Times
As a s/w developer.
Sometimes I have no work at all in office.
Sometimes a bug or issue I work on is so interesting that I feel better when I resolve it.
The 8-10 hours spent in office go by as if I am in a recreation park or something.
I am sure some of us are equally lucky in the office. Not everyday but often enough.
Now if you have a wife who stays at home, do remember that for her it was just another mundane day of cleaning/ washing/ cooking and taking care of children.
Think about it when you say I am working and she is takes care of everything at the home front.
From the movie Bawarchi
Last edited by bblost : 5th March 2010 at 20:56.
|5th March 2010, 23:17||#39|
Join Date: Nov 2008
Thanked: 1,004 Times
You know most people (men if I may say so) have rather mundane humdrum jobs too , only a few of us really work at what we enjoy , and not everyone has that choice to work in their area of interest. It's exactly that reason why people have to be paid to work !
I have read so much about how time-consuming housework is , but if it takes so much time , why is most daytime TV aimed entirely almost exclusively at stay-at-home women ? Truth is housework is drab , but not really as time-consuming as claimed . My father has stayed alone much of his life , in the field . He did his house work himself and still had time for a lot more to do . I have done the whole gamut - sweeping , mopping , dishes , spoons , glasses , washing clothes by hand , watering plants - and done it with some time for homework etc , though not all of them regularly. Not anymore now since we have a maid for the sweeping/swabbing and washing machine for the clothes . Do I think it's below my dignity , or not a man's job ? No , a man's got to do what a man's got to do , and if I were staying all by myself , I'd be doing all those things myself.
Besides , men have made so many gadgets now (washing machine, mixer-grinder, ovens , microwaves , dishwashers ) that has made women's work at home a mere fraction of what was when we did it manually , the first thing married couples get is a TV . Now if they were so busy doing chores , why so many TV programs day long for women ?
Men do a lot of work , domestic chores , which women don't consider . Not just going to pay bills , but plumbing , electrical work , painting walls & windows, fixing the car, sewing machine, iron, fixing stuff that breaks , sadly none of which I can do like my father. But this never gets a mention - to women , it's not "work" . To women , work is what "women" do.
Regarding abuse and domestic violence, those statistics are largely made up too , if they were indeed true one would see many more bruised and bandaged women than one actually does. And ever heard of the women who abuse ? The same studies that claim 40% of women experience DV also report that most of the time it's women who struck first, and that similar ratio of men too are subject to DV . But the feminist lobby approved reports don't reveal that. Some studies show 55% of abusers of children are biological mothers , biological fathers account for 8% . You don't ever hear the complete truth , only parts that they want you to hear. The feminist lobby is a very powerful one , and votes are their newest weapon.
I don't mean to diss women , but women have pretty sick double standards , and if get down to the details , it'll be a long night ahead . They always say , stop violence against women , not stop violence . Majority of victims of violent crimes are male . Surveys publish only figures that show women as victims. Famously , Times of India published a headline , "35% of homeless are women" . And the remaininng 65% ? Times again published "10% of leprosy cases are women" . And the remaining 90% ? Media is a propaganda machine , they report only that they want you to believe.
I'm all for equality , but equality isn't what (most) women want , it's the Orwellian ( Animal Farm ) equality they seek . Assuming we did have real equality , sure enough men would have more of the troubles they don't normally face , women would have a lot a painful trouble that they hardly ever experience being female. And I'm not even talking about stuff that nature ordained upon the genders and can't be changed , I'm only referring to what society has been upto for 1000s of years.
Many women think/claim men's lives are easy, but it's usually flawed comparisons , as in comparing the worse cases of women (say a maid) vs better cases of men (say a banker). Shabana Azmi stated in a news article how women in most Mumbai slums don't have toilets . Do men from those same slums do their ablutions in a posh toilets of the Oberoi ? Look up Wikipedia for suicide rates of men vs women , men commit suicide from 2.5 to 9 times as much in almost every country , middle east included. Only in China are women's suicide rates higher than mens. So if women are treated so unequally , why are men's suicide rates higher ?
I bet once they live the life of a man in the same economic strata , they will thank their stars most of the time that they're female. But what we get instead are cherry-picked arguments to depict women as victims , while ignoring or even mocking male victims. Hell compare the life of rich influential woman like Angelina Jolie to a dhobi if that's the benchmark of comparisons.
One chap said it well in context of the Titanic incident : There are no feminists when the lifeboats are lowered.
I would like to see equality too , but not the women's cherry-picked variety.
Last edited by Ricci : 5th March 2010 at 23:21.
|5th March 2010, 23:54||#40|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai
Thanked: 184 Times
I feel the same way for charity. Many people I have seen get a saddistic pleasure or some kind of superiority complex when involved in charity.
We can not have equality at home (anywhere) because it's inequality that runs the world. a company full of 1000s of Bill Gates is as useless as a company full of 1000s of entry level developers. And if I advocated equality, I could be as well living with a man .
|6th March 2010, 01:01||#41|
Join Date: Jan 2005
Thanked: 23 Times
Nice post mate in our defense. I concur on many points. Honestly speaking as you said, I can do most of the things a woman can do at home and do the things outside like paying bills, getting some work done which involves going out to offices where work doesnt get done on simple terms, fixing things , planning trips etc. I dont get any sadistic pleasure making my wife work while I watch TV sipping a cup of Tea.
Things are changing now and we have moved to an age where parents/couples have 1 or 2 Kids and the gender bias that we are talking isnt as pronounced as some of us are making us believe. The things ( house hold chores and other work) I did as a kid, our kids or spouses may have not gone through but in my case it made me realise a lot of things about how things work and helped me appreciate life.
I have seen more reponsible husbands than wives and i dont want to generalise and take sides.
Every household will have a different set of paramaters which makes either the husband take more load or in some cases the wife. There will be exploitation on either side in some cases.
As long as you have some peace of mind while you sleep on most days, its all in the game of life.
Imperfections and inequalities are part of life. The balance is in the mind and how well you can handle and cope with it is all that matters.
Just make sure that you dont trouble many people.
It was a bit OT. Coming to topic, I do help in all household things.
|6th March 2010, 01:31||#42|
Join Date: Jan 2008
Thanked: 150 Times
Interesting topic, but equality doesn't start and end with mopping, cleaning or other household chores. These are all trivial when you look at the big picture. Equality means a lot more.
The real questions a man should ask:
Do i consider my wife as equal partner? Does she have an equal say in things? Is her decisions being respected?
In most of Indian families women don't have the same freedom as men. Most of the times, it's others who decide what a woman should do and should not. Most of the Indian men don't accept a woman as equal and they are naturally dominating when it comes to dealing with a woman. Most of the cultural, religious customs are also in a way designed to satisfy this male ego.
In principle, I don't like the concept of reservation. But we don't live in an Utopian world, so we need to find a way to bring the balance back in society. So in that respect, passing of the reservation bill is a welcome sign.
|6th March 2010, 18:18||#43|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Mar 2006
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|6th March 2010, 19:34||#44|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Apr 2008
Thanked: 526 Times
I voted for the first option- I am a Men and Yes I do help with household chores.
We have a live-in relationship and we share all the in-house and out of house work(most of the time i take responsibility for outside work unless unavoidable). We both work so we try and balance it out as much as possible. Sometimes, may not be able to do so, in that case i make it up with some out-of-box thing that my girl wouldn't have expected at all, she does the same thing, sometimes she succeeds, sometimes not. And the expression at such a time makes my day. At the end of day, this works for us. So who's complaining.
we have fights but haven't yet reached higher stages which is expected after marriage. I do make a point to take an opinion in almost everything I do and she does the same. Also try and share everything that happened throughout the day so later on it doesn't come out the 'you didn't tell me that before' situation.
just my 2 cents. nevertheless, this is a good thread to know how human mind works.
Last edited by chevelle : 6th March 2010 at 19:37.
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