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Old 21st September 2010, 15:57   #1
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Default Boarding / Residential Schools - are they better equipped to develop a child?

Hi friends

Have searched various threads on Boarding / Residential Schools across the country, but did not get a response I was looking for!

Wifey (a teacher herself) is of the opinion that Boarding schools are able to groom a child better than most of day schools. Also since both of us are working, that guilty feeling of not giving time for the child makes one succumb to the pressure tactics that the kids impose...(may be its just me who feels that!). I am also told that boarding schools give an opportunity to kids to try out various vocations (sports, athletics, academics etc.)

I have a 7 year old son and we are comtemplating of putting him in a boarding school when he reaches 10 years. Have heard that boarding schools work really well (i dont agree) but will wait for you guys to talk about your experiences and do you reckon, going to a residential school in making any difference to a child / individual?

I am at various Boarding schools that are amongst the best in the western region Maharashtra (Pune / Mumbai / Goa / Panchgani).

Do update and post your experience and understanding about any good schools in and around Maharashtra.

Cheers
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Old 21st September 2010, 16:04   #2
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The children would be deprived of the paternal love and affection and i don't think the bondage could be maintained. As a parent you wouldn't change, but dont' expect the child to be the same way who is away from you since childhood.

You cannot have any influence on the child for good /bad once he is on the boarding school. Unless, you have a compelling reason i wouldn't recommend a boarding school. Most families have working couples, we need to find a way to balance work and home. What's life without kids yaar, don't even think about that.

There are so many in the world who are do not have the gift of child. When God has given us the gift, why should we be thinking of keeping them away. When they grow up, they are bound to be on their own and far away, so enjoy the little time provided.

These are my personal views only.

Last edited by ikoneer : 21st September 2010 at 16:07.
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Old 21st September 2010, 16:07   #3
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The thing is it does not work the same way for everyone. Some kids might take it in their stride and might develop well. There is no guarantee.
However, you need to see if its worth for the child not to be with you and savour the family environment. They cant get it anywhere else or later.
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Old 21st September 2010, 16:19   #4
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Thanks Sri

I remember studying away from home when I was about 6-7 years old in Goa. One of the best schools, but hated everything about it...mom and dad werent around and all I remember now is:
a) used to play in the football field - till evening
b) teachers complained for homework not done
c) uncle giving me some beating
d) me crying for mom and dad....
e) fun when dad and mom came around from Mumbai with sweets

Completely agree with you! But my teacher at home (wife) insists that;
1) more disciplined child
2) an overall development of a child (sports etc.)
3) keeps giving references of kids who go to boarding schools :(
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Old 21st September 2010, 16:30   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saildrive View Post
Completely agree with you! But my teacher at home (wife) insists that;
1) more disciplined child
2) an overall development of a child (sports etc.)
3) keeps giving references of kids who go to boarding schools :(
Its better to savor the child's growing up years rather than sending them away to a boarding school. You will not get back the years 10-16 that your son spends in the boarding school. And as pointed out, you many love him but if he has not taken it in his stride,he might start hating you or simply be detached from your affection.

Point 1 stated above begins at home and there are numerous kids who have working parents but are very disciplined. Balancing work and home plays a major part here.

Point 2 can be done even if the child is going to a day school. Though the day school might not encourage sports, fine arts etc, you as a parent can recognize what your child is interested in better.

PS: My wife too is a teacher and at an international school (namesake?). She quotes examples of both well disciplined and ill disciplined kids.
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Old 21st September 2010, 16:50   #6
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I bet you can also give examples of children in day boarding and are doing good. But giving examples and doing just because something worked ofor someone is not good.

You can help your child in developing him/her a great individual when he/she grows up. It's more like leaving all your responsibility and giving it to the school for their upbringing.

Give them your love. Life is much more than marks in a class or rank in a specific sports.
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Old 21st September 2010, 17:34   #7
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Boarding schools shouldn't be seen as an option to outsource parenting. If love is lost, then your kid would be extremely disciplined and successful, but wouldn't reciprocate the love when you need it at the twilight of your life.

Imagine a future member posting a query here like this, "Me and my wife are working and are guilty that we can't take care of our aged bed-ridden parents. We are thinking of a good old age home where they can be well attended to. What are your views on this?"

Well, hopefully, it's not that dramatic. But then, Indians are more family oriented and would love to live as a big joint family! I stayed with my parents. Now my parents stay with me! Now my wife is preparing to take up a job again. I know that we can manage with the kid because she's very attached to her grand parents!

It's normal for 3 generations to stay in the same house - Grandparents to grandchildren.

I've grown up in a house where there were 4 generations and my brother grew up in a house where there were 5!
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Old 21st September 2010, 18:04   #8
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my personal opinion

1. our kids have born in this world only because we wanted them. if we can not give them time, love, affection, guidance,involvement, care then we should not have brought them into this world.

2. As parents, if we can not discipline our child, no one else can do a better job.

3. One can easily findout among the famous sports persons and the great artists this country has produced, how many of them have studied in boarding school and how many of them have studied staying with their parents, same could be true for the ones who have exceled academically as well.

4. regarding all round development of the child, there will be enough avenues available to coach / train the child be it sports, arts, music, dance, public speaking, etc etc. if you can not find it in mumbai, then probably you can not find it anywhere else as well.

5. Parents are often the first role models for the children. there is a saying in hindi "jaisa baap, vaisa beta" (means like father alike son). children observe their parents behaviour, learn and follow (I tend to agee with what MX6 have imagined in his post)

6. you only talk about opinion of yourself and your wife. yes parents must decide for the children till 18 years of age, but have you checked with the child what he wants ?

Some words/sentences may sound strong, If yes I seek apologies for the same, they are not intended to be personal.

Last edited by StarVegabond : 21st September 2010 at 18:10.
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Old 21st September 2010, 18:19   #9
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I don't know in general, but it has worked or me. When a child leaves his home, he learns new things, realizes that there can be families of other types, makes friends, learns taking care of himself etc. It happens usually when they go to college and I think it's too late by then.

But you need to keep in mind, they an also be exposed to bad company, and it's definitely not a substitute for parenting. In my case I was attracted to the boarding school and pressed my parents for it. I was 12 and I think that is usually the right time when a child starts exploring outside world for new learnings. probably 5-10% of us complained or cried for their parents once in a while but most of us never had that problem, even cheered the weaker ones up. And never past first year.

The school itself has 24 hrs with the kid so it's quite likely that all students get standard lifestyle which would have been highly individualized if they were at home. sports, atheletics are all a part of it. Given my academic family background, I would have never experienced sports if I had stayed at home.
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Old 21st September 2010, 18:20   #10
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My dad had a job which involved moving all over the country every 2-3 years, I went through 8 different schools/colleges by the time I was a graduate.

One day back from college, I asked him over the dinner table. Why didnt you put me in a boarding school, things could have been much easier for me. Friends and places couldnt have to be changed every 2 years.

He looked at me and said, I lost them both my parents by the time I was four (my grandmother died at childbirth and grandfather in a heart attack). I was a boarder all my life since then, I know how it is to not have your parents around. I cant even remember their faces. I couldnt let you feel even 1% of that pain.
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Old 21st September 2010, 18:43   #11
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This is definitely an age-old issue. Parents who can't spare time to their child should send their ward to a good residential school. But the responsibility doesn't end there. They should also keep close touch with the child and the school. Nowadays we see this phenomenon of what to do with the child in many nuclear families. My suggestion for people in the western India area to visit this school:

Sahyadri School, Post Tiwai Hill,
Taluka Rajgurunagar,
District Pune, Maharashtra 410 513, India.
Tel: (02135) 325582 / 325971 / 288442 / 288443

I am sure you will not regret the decision. Your child will love it.

Regards.
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Old 21st September 2010, 19:28   #12
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While I'm of the opinion that boarding school helps to socialise with the outside world very much, however, that is not the only thing important in life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ikoneer View Post
You cannot have any influence on the child for good /bad once he is on the boarding school.
The child will form his/her own opinion & their own world & parents will be out of their circle & friends would be within.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ikoneer View Post
There are so many in the world who are do not have the gift of child. When God has given us the gift, why should we be thinking of keeping them away. When they grow up, they are bound to be on their own and far away, so enjoy the little time provided.
101% true

Quote:
Originally Posted by saildrive View Post
1) more disciplined child
Well, this might sound little harsh, but this is what I've played this in my mind over years because I was of the same opinon that children should be sent to boarding school (I'll state the reason for this at the end)

Like SVB says, if

Quote:
Originally Posted by abhinav.s View Post
You will not get back the years 10-16 that your son spends in the boarding school.
+1

Quote:
Originally Posted by MX6 View Post
If love is lost, then your kid would be extremely disciplined and successful, but wouldn't reciprocate the love when you need it at the twilight of your life.
What a perfect thought MX!!! Very very true indeed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MX6 View Post
Imagine a future member posting a query here like this,...What are your views on this?"


Quote:
Originally Posted by StarVegabond View Post
our kids have born in this world only because we wanted them. if we can not give them time, love, affection, guidance,involvement, care then we should not have brought them into this world.
What a perfect statement sir!!! Simply superb!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by StarVegabond View Post
2. As parents, if we can not discipline our child, no one else can do a better job.
You're reflecting my thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by BaldOwl View Post
I was a boarder all my life since then, I know how it is to not have your parents around. I cant even remember their faces. I couldnt let you feel even 1% of that pain.
Absolutely right.

My life in schooling always revolved around 3 locations - school, tuition & home. Trust me, I never ventured out anywhere other than these 3 places in entire 16-17 years. Only when I was in college, I started having a glimpse of the Chennai city.

Being a single spoiled child, I was king at home & was expecting the same in the outside world. It took several years to understand the reality & I couldn't socialise with people (even till date).

Having these in my mind, I was of strong opinion that boarding is the place to send children to learn what is outside world. However that was the thought several years ago. What changed my mind was one of SVB's words - "As parents, if we can not discipline our child, no one else can do a better job". We do out of love, affection & care whereas the boarding school does it for publicity, business & sake of doing it. I changed my opinion completely, I'm now of the opinion that, parents who think they cannot teach, cannot understand their children send to boarding school. Sorry if I sounded harsh, but this is what I learned over the years.
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Old 21st September 2010, 20:49   #13
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My cousin is a business man and his wife is an home maker. They have 2 boys. These 2 boys are the most notorious folks one could ever imagine. The broke a TV at home, one was hanging from the balcony of 4th floor and showing the other how to be a spider man etc.

My cousin and his wife tried all possible things to give some discipline to these 2 boys, all in vain.
Then they decided to send these fellow to boarding school and they did send them for about 2-3 years. Now after couple of years in boarding, these boys are much well behaved than before.
When these boys had spend about a year and a half or so in boarding, they badly wanted to come home and stay with parents.
My cousin and his wife had a chat with the 2 boys and made them understand that how difficult it is for them to manage if they are so notorious. They tried this talking a couple of times and told the boys that if they agree to take care of themselves and their studies, they can come and stay with them.
The boys do some mischiefs even now but very much controlled and definitely within limits.

In some cases boarding might help, but both parents working and no time for the kid is definitely not the reason to put the kid in boarding in my view.
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Old 21st September 2010, 21:07   #14
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@Coolfyre - I was just waiting for someone to touchbase on this point

Let me tell you, this is just an excuse. What I'm going to say may be rejected outright, but, this is very much true & some of them may even consider this out of parenthood.

As parents, we need to know the strength & weakness of children. Right from the days of cradle, parents need to observe the child close & give them responsiblity. For instance, instead of saying the child "NO" to something, say, "YES, but this happens"; instead of saying "Don't do", say "Do it & face this consequence". So it will inhibit a little fear within children.

Just imagine this situation; If I were at an unknown place & people ask me not to do something, obviously I would've a curiosity to do it & see what the consequence is right? That's the same case with children.

Oh!!! and another thing, most parents think saying "NO" to a child makes their (parents) time tough instead of handling the situation. So I would attribute the mischeiveous acitivity in the way those children were brought up.

Boarding only helped the children to understand the value of parents at a later stage, which the parents themselves could've taught much earlier.
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Old 22nd September 2010, 05:53   #15
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This is my experience. I was a boarder all my life. YES from my LKG - now. These are my opinion so not necessary the same for everyone.

I feel it does develop some sort of independence and also sober you down ALOT.
Emotions are curtailed and also your attachment to your parents usually is not shown as it is usually.
Expect your kid to be very silent or weak when he gets back as at home you are forced to eat and in school you dont like it you can leave it.
Sports is an option but it is not necessary that your child would take part in these. I was very active in dancing till i was in the fourth but once i moved to a bigger school where it was an option i didnt do it as the boys didnt dance.
You learn to deal with events in your life yourself and dont expect kids to come and be frank always as they can deal it themself.
Teachers will be strict but this is VERY IMPORTANT. (I know of kids who started smoking when in 7th as the teachers were lenient)
I am very organized in my house and i feel that is because of my boarding school experience. I love to keep my room clean and not lazy around.

Studies not necessarily will improve. It depends on your kids.

Well did i like it. NO. If given a chance to go back i would go to a local school from home rather than go to a boarding school. I missed my parents to the core but never told them that ever in my school life.

But if your thinking of still putting your kids in school look at one where your kids gets all round development and where they have some one on one sessions with the kids while in school and not only in the PTA meetings.

They should have good sports facilities too and some sort of strict watch should be kept if boys as they should not be let to go into town to get stuff for themself. This is where things go awry.

In the end everything can be great but 1 rotten apple in school can spoil alot of kids. Seen it happen.
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