|16th November 2006, 01:15||#1621|
Damn women drivers...
This morning on the 401, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac, doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror, putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
Now, as a man, I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my pants, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers.
|24th November 2006, 13:46||#1623|
Join Date: Feb 2004
Thanked: 22,477 Times
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|24th November 2006, 13:47||#1624|
Join Date: Feb 2004
Thanked: 22,477 Times
New Ferrari Pit Crew
The announcement followed Ferrari's decision last month to take advantage of the NZ government's "work for the dole scheme" and to hire unemployed Maori youths.
The decision to hire them was bought on by a recent television documentary on how Maori youths were able to remove a set of car wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, where as Ferrari"s pit crew can only do it in 8 seconds with the aid of millions of dollars of high tech gear.
This was thought to be an excellent yet bold move by Ferrari would have a decided advantage over every other F1 team. However Ferrari got more than they bargained for on Sunday when during the first pit stop the Maori crew changed all 4 tyres in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car over to the McLaren team for 10 dozen Lion Red, and HQ Holden and a quick look at David Coulthard's girlfriend in the shower.
|25th November 2006, 13:42||#1626|
A Scotsman phones a dentist to inquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.
"£85 for an extraction, sir," the dentist replied.
"£85!!! Huv ye no' got anythin' cheaper?"
"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.
"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?"
"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off."
"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anaesthetic?"
"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop to £40."
"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction, with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"
"It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you £5, but it's going to be very traumatic."
"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife on next Tuesday then?"
|26th November 2006, 17:17||#1632|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Bangalore / Atlanta
Thanked: 66 Times
What i have posted below really happened to me today.
This is a cut and paste job of a short conversation between me and a colleague in office....
sumitebs -- Godfather
zeeshanebs -- colleague
zeeshanebs: sumit is there a lot of difference between riding a kinetic and a guys buy?
zeeshanebs: *guys bike
sumitebs: why are u asking me this
zeeshanebs: i wanna learn a guys bike man
zeeshanebs: chumma just like tat
zeeshanebs: fun sake
sumitebs: oo ok
sumitebs: best of luck
zeeshanebs: wats this? am asking if its very different?
sumitebs: yes it is
sumitebs: a kinetic has no gears
sumitebs: and is ...ummm... i dont know what to call it
sumitebs: where as a BIKE is more powerfull..(If you can call INDIAN bikes powerfull)
zeeshanebs: guys bikes has gears?????
zeeshanebs: dint know
sumitebs: figures... what else dont u know??
zeeshanebs: wats figures?
zeeshanebs: sumit toyota lexis is a good car?
sumitebs: Ummm Thats LEXUS.....not Lexis....
zeeshanebs: ok ok
zeeshanebs: howz it?
sumitebs: are you planning to buy it??
zeeshanebs: no no
zeeshanebs: someone has it so asked
sumitebs: its a very nice car
sumitebs: oo ok...who
zeeshanebs: emdad sooo.............( her boyfriend)
zeeshanebs: sumit most imprtant question i wanted to ask is
zeeshanebs: sumit a cars engine can all of a sudden explode?
zeeshanebs: tel na
sumitebs: unless you give it to some terrorist organisation
zeeshanebs: he he he he he
zeeshanebs: donkey it uses gas n not fuel
sumitebs: what uses gas...
zeeshanebs: as for the car man........ LPG
zeeshanebs: not petrol
sumitebs: hmmm...first answer me these
sumitebs: why will the engine explode if gas is used??
zeeshanebs: like how the house gas can explode
zeeshanebs: like tat
zeeshanebs: i donno plz don laugh
sumitebs: both gas and petrol/diesel are being injected into the engine and they are burned using what u call "SPARK PLUGS"
sumitebs: HAHAHAHAHAH---- house gas
zeeshanebs: yeah there are cases where the house has has exploded
sumitebs: hmmmm... leave that..get back to the topic of cars engine exploding
zeeshanebs: yeh now tel me
zeeshanebs: but something explodes na
zeeshanebs: in car
zeeshanebs: wats that?
zeeshanebs: after which the car becomes useless
sumitebs: what explodes in cars...where did u hear this
zeeshanebs: wats tat?
zeeshanebs: something sumit
sumitebs: what are you talking about??
zeeshanebs: explode or burst something
zeeshanebs: am talking about car only
sumitebs: nothing explodes in cars
zeeshanebs: then tat day i was speaking to emdad.... and he was like i cant go the restaurant ... becoz his car ------ something he said ...
zeeshanebs: wats tat now?
sumitebs: because his car what????
zeeshanebs: and then he also said he was sitting inside only wen tat happened
zeeshanebs: something like explode only he said man
zeeshanebs: i don know exactly
zeeshanebs: din wanna ask him more
zeeshanebs: din wanan sound like a fool
What do i say to her....
Last edited by Godfather : 26th November 2006 at 17:18.
|26th November 2006, 20:47||#1633|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Apr 2005
Thanked: 1,146 Times
@Godfather, can you please post a bigger version of your avatar somewhere? Has that guy really lifted the truck that much? Looks interesting.
|26th November 2006, 21:32||#1634|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Sep 2005
Thanked: 503 Times
I think the boyfriend must have told the girl about a tyre exploding...
Since it said he was in the car when IT happend..
By the way "house gas and car engine".......!!................