Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

Three men were sitting together recounting how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Albania and boasted that he had told his wife she must do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Korea. He said he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married an Irish girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day the didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

this, i got in email from a friend of mine.

english translated as is into hindi.

Have a nice day! -----> Achcha din lo!

What's up? -----> Uppar kya hai?

You're kidding! -----> Tum bachche bana rahe ho!

Don't kid me! ----->Mujhe bachcha mat banaao!

Yo, baby! What's up? -----> Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

Cool man! -----> Thandaa aadmi!

Check this out, man! ----> Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

Don't mess with me, dude.-----> Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.

Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?-----> Suno dost, woh chooza
mera hai, theek hai?

Hey good looking; what's cooking? ----> Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya
pakaa rahee ho?

Son of a gun.-----> Bachcha bandook ka.

How do you do? -----> Kaise karte ho?

And the best ones are.....

Rock the party. ----> Party mein patthar feko.

Are you nuts? -----> Kya aap akhrot hain?

She's so fine! -----> Woh itnee baareek hai!

Keep in touch-----> Chhoote Raho.

Lets hang out!-----> Chalo bahar latakthe hain

SMART *** ANSWER #6
It was meal time during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART *** ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat.
She said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART *** ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART *** ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART *** ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

SMART *** ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-*** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand

Engineers vs. Doctors....

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So all of
them gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying to
prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..

Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC
knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goes
away....Doctors say "Dekh lenge"

NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to
PUNE.
So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, as from there
they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :

Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equally
SHAANE"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket, Engineers don't buy any
ticket at all!!!!!..

TC arrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE
OPPOSITE ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One
hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg
Bathroom...

TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily
fined........

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :

SO now both the group are on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning
their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket )
trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this
time...

SO TC Comes.. All Engineers show their tickets.....
& Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL
train!!!!!

Problem solving at its most innovative !

**********
Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To
save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with
Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of
them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man,
what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and
watched him all night."

The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same
thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly, ex-football
player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and
bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said.

They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into
bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night."

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

"Bob".

"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions.

First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right — question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is.

"Steve"

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.

First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?

And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!

Source : email from a friend

There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, It´s me. Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

"What´s the price?"

"Only $1,500.00"

"Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..."

"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000..."

"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."

"What?"

"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It´s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden , acre of park area, beachfront property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"

"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I´ll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye... I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone´s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"