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-   -   The Official Joke thread (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/et-cetera/2439-official-joke-thread-140.html)

You might be a Malayali..........

If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and two children with their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu goind to attend your cousin's wedding.

If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and play football all while wearing a lungi tied halfmast, Malayali status!


If your late father left you a part of an old house as your inheritance, and you turned it into a "chaya kada" yes you're a Malayali.


If you have more than 5 relatives working in Gelf, Big Time Malayali..


If you have the words "Chinchu Mol + Jinchu Mol" written on the rear window of your Omni car, Yes, You ARE a Malaayli.


If you refer to your husband as kettiyon; ithiyan, pillerude appan, guess what? You're a Central Travancore Syrian Christian Malayali.


If you have a tamilian parked in front of your house every Sunday, ironing your clothes chances are a you are a Middle Class Malayali.


If you have more than three employee trade unions at your place of work then ask no further, you are indeed a Malayali.


If you have voted into power a Chief Minister who has not passed the 4th grade then ask no further, YOU ARE A MALAYALI.


If you have at least two relatives working in the US in the health industry , Yes! Malayali!


If you religiously buy a lottery ticket every week, then You're in the Malayali Zone!


If you describe a woman as "charrakku" Yep! Malayali.!


If you constantly refer to banana as "benana" or pizza as "pissa" you're a Malayali..


If you use coconut oil instead of refined vegetable oil and can't figure out why people in your family have congenital heart problems, you might be a Malayali.


If you are going out to see a movie at the local theater with your wifey wearing all the gold jewellry gifted to her by her parents, you are a newly married Malayali..


If you and your wife and three children dress up in your Sunday best and go out to have biriyani at Kayikka's on a 100 cc Bajaj mobike, you an upwardly mobile Malayali from Cochin.


If your idea of haute cuisine is kappa and meen curry, then, yes, you are a Malayali..


If you have beef puttu for breakfast, beef olathu for lunch, and beef curry with "borotta" for dinner, yeah, definitely Malalyali.


If your name is Wilson, and your wife's name is Baby, and you name your daughter Wilby, have no doubts at all , you are a standard Malayali.


If most of the houses on your block are painted puke yellow, fluorescent green, and bright pink, definitely Malappuram Malayali.


If you tie a towel around your head and burst into a raucous rendition of the song "Kuttanadn Punjayile" after having three glasses of toddy, then you are a hardcore Malayali.


If you call appetizers served with alcoholic beverages as "touchings" then you are one helluva Malayali.


If the local toddy shop owner knows you by your pet name and you call him "Porinju Chetta" then you are true Malayali.


If you're sick and your wifey rubs "Bicks" into your nostrils and gives you "kurumulaku rasam" with chakkara, (grandma's recipe) to help relieve your symptoms, Damn!! You're Malayali.


IF YOU DON'T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE REAL McCOY, A BLUE BLOOD MALAYALI. LAAL SALAAM.


All meant in fun, don't get all "SIMBLY AGITATED" and pass it on so another Malayali can laff too.

Nice one there Ajmat.

some Mallu joks (jokes) from my side. (No offence meant to anyone).

Q: Why are mallu's banned from playing football?

Scroll for the answer.......

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A: Because, whenever they get a corner, they open a tea stall. rl:

Q: How did the Mallu get AIDS?

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A: He drank whore-leaks (horlicks) rl:

Q: If a mallu has a daughter by the name "Anu" and he is in the bakery business, what would his bakery be named?

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A: Anus bakery (he missed the apostrophe)

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a daddy longlegs." her father answered.

"So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of sh%$ in our garden."

dammit. I want a plate of that stuff ...

Nice ones ajmat saar. Laal salaam indeed.

Patent
I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.


I said, "A folding bottle."


She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"


"A Fottle."


"What else do you have?"


"A folding carton."


"What do you call it?"


"A Farton."


She snickered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."


I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.



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The very first one on page one ...about the Skoda cars

Internet Forum Lightbulb Maintenance...

How many online forum group members does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers.

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames.

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".

109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

44 to ask what is a "FAQ".

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

Great find Irags!
Something we experience everyday without even realising it is a joke. LOL!

The Bathtub Test...

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started:

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Technology on street.. A techie using his laptop to transfer funds for a penalty near Trinity Circle in Bangalore on Tuesday....



Note from Mod - Hi condor, i was informed this picture is from a publication? If so, please do provide a link. Thanks

You forgot the coupla guys who go around claiming that their Italian-made 60W bulbs are better built than regular 100W bulbs. Just kidding, this IS the joke thread!

I thought that sort of information-gathering is frowned upon by some of the more worldly-wise types.

Yeah but it would be a different story if it is found that, the Italian Made 60 watt bulbs consume more electricity than the regular 100 watt ones. (Weight of the Glass being the issue)

Also, the Italian bulbs when switched off, makes an 'assuring thud' sound !

Certain VTEC bulbs gives extreme pleasure to the owners who switch them on and sit under them.

Though CFL bulbs sell in large numbers, there are look down upon by forum members saying that its not powerful enough, or they are grossly over-priced.

Again, this is a joke thread!

The light bulb one is really good!!!

:uncontrolrl:

Add to that the guys who swear that their experiments with using boric acid inside the bulbs for better brightness & a longer life & also the guys who want to run the bulb on LPG.