Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

President George Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he
visits one of the classes (4th grade I believe).
They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in
the discussion of the word, "tragedy."
So our illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives
next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him
over, that would be a tragedy." No," says Bush, "that would be an
accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone! involved, that would be a
tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we
would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.
President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can
give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In
a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Bush,
was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, that would be a
tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell
me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it
wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss."

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.

'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says.

'That''s cool.' says Bobby.

Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.

Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.'

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?'
'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue''s father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'

Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!'

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!'

---

The Barber of Seville...

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About two hours."

The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said," About three hours."

The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."

The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.

"A little while later Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes from laughter and said,

"Your house."

Father Knows Best...

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said,
"I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said:
"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.

Banta Singh an Indian and Abdul Kadir a Pakistani are beggars on London Street .
Banta drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend .
Abdul only brings in 2 to 3 pounds a day.
Abdul asks Banta how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day.
Banta says, "Look at your sign - It says, 'I have no work, a wife and six kids to support.'
Britons who see that, do not feel as if they have accomplished anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign."
So Abdul looks and Banta's sign reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Punjab .'

I Need A Raise...

Presented before you are two letters between an employee and his boss.

The Employee:

Dear Bo$$, A$ all of u$ have read from the new$paper$, the $ingapore economy ha$ come out of the rece$$ion. In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

$teven $oh

Boss's reply:

Dear Steven,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,

NOrman NOn

Manager