Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

Review of the movie "Perfect storm" by a friend.

My friend posts his reviews in an Orkut community.

Quote:

“The Perfect Storm” is perfect only for those who are hardhearted. Though the film showcases the plight of seafarers, I still can’t understand how a person having a fully functional brain can watch them catching and dragging sharks with fishing hooks – “Fishes, life is as precious for them as it’s for you...huh...!!!” While seeing that dreadful sequence, I was praying these crooks should also meet with the same quandary and in the form of the fiercest hurricane in the recorded history, Mother Nature just does that. As they say “he who lives by the sword, shall die by the sword”. Apart from this horrific slip, director Wolfgang Peterson’s treatment to the subject is passable. CGI has been used to whip up the titular storm and done with perfection. Visual effects team deserves a pat on their back. Wrath of Mother Nature has been depicted in all its glory with all the heroics of air and naval crew, spotlighting the inevitable outcome. The movie is recommended only for its visual effects and thumbs down for its violence to aquatic creatures.

It sure made me laugh when i read it. What else is fishermen supposed to do? I'm a non-veg :)

Scenario in yesterday meeting.

Procter:Did you call Symonds as Monkey?
Bhajji: No,I called a monkey as Symonds.
Procter:So you did
Bhajji : (Silence)
Procter : How dare,you insulted a monkey.You are banned for 3 matches.
Bhajji : Sad
Ponting& Co : !!???
Ponting : hey,Symonds.What he said?
Symonds : What ever,he is banned.You can bat well next game.
Ponting : No,Anil is also there,ask him whether he can ban him also.
Symonds : We'll see in next match,if he takes your wicket,we'll complain.
Ponting; Then ok. Come

New additions to the Dictionary

Bucknor : (n) (adj)
1. Temporary blindness leading to missing out on the obvious.
2. To be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
3. Situations leading to grave judgmental errors.
Usage: I feel bucknored by my boss; Life often throws a bucknor at you.

Benson: (n) (adj)
1. Something that legitimises a severe bucknor.
Usage: First they bucknored me and then they bensoned it! I am toast.
Also see bucknor

Ponting: (n) (adj)
1. A substance or entity or even a person of unquestionable integrity
2. An act of uncivilised behaviour. [Also, pontingness (n)]

Symonds: (n):
A subset of the monkeys, Symonds are long-tailed primates found in the interiors of Australia known for wailing and crying at being called names.
Symonds are extremely sensitive creatures and need to be handled with extreme care or else they'll break down at the mere exposure to the Indians (who happen to be higher up in the food chain). They are usually nestled by them Pontings in their little chest pouch which gives then additional protection against the Indians.

Symonds: (v):
Randomly wail and weep at every whichever chance one gets.
Present Continuous: symonding
Usage: The child took to symonding when the mother denied him money to buy a kite.

Tou·ché !

Quote:

anarchist

Symonds: (n):
A subset of the monkeys, Symonds are long-tailed primates found in the interiors of Australia known for wailing & crying at being called names.

Symonds are extremely sensitive creatures and need to be handled with extreme care or else they'll break down at the mere exposure to the Indians (who happen to be higher up in the food chain). They are usually nestled by them Pontings in their little chest pouch which gives then additional protection against the Indians. They are usually nestled by them Pontings in their little chest pouch which gives then additional protection against the Indians.

A subset of the monkeys, Symonds are long-tailed primates found in the interiors of Australia known for wailing & crying at being called names, and a known fondness for bucknors (for definition of a 'bucknor', pls ref above).... They are usually nestled by them Pontings in their little chest pouch which gives then additional protection against the Indians. Also, they are often get additional protection by bucknors.

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at
all.

3: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to management

4: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send
me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail
will be deleted in the order it was received.

5: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for
the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try
sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

7: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

8: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your
PC for my response.

9: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to
leave me any messages.

10: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND,
FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE

11: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Susie' instead of 'Steve'

Times of India, 1st Jan 2025

HEADLINES:

President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive Italian Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi.
Dhoom 17 ready for release.
I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar
Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya's 3rd marriage.
Mein to ab bhi jawan hoon - Dev Anand's new movie set for release where he plays son of Aamir Khan & Madhuri Dixit.
After remakes of 45 films of Amitabh, Shahrukh now to play Amitabh's role in remake of 'Jhoom Barabar Jhoom' .
Amitabh's new movie with Shahrukh Khan's daughter 'Ek aur Nishabdh'
Petrol Rs. 999 / ltr.
Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs.
Coach Ganguly resigns, as India went out of The World Cup in 1st round after losing to Korea.
N.Siddhu will launch his own TV channel where he is the Host & the Guest too.
Riots in the Parliament as the newly elected MPs Mallika Sheravat & Rakhi Sawant enter the assembly.
Maruti launches its new Hovercraft 'SX-25'. Honda, Toyota & Tata to follow.
A cap found in Mithi river - Sources say it belonged to a species called Himesh Reshammiya.

One of my all time fav.
--------------------------

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference :
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr Laloo Prasad, ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya ,
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.