|28th February 2008, 14:16||#2536|
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Oct 2005
Thanked: 245 Times
That's Punny -- Part One...
1. Energizer Bunny Arrested & Charged with Battery.
2. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
3. Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
4. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
5. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
6. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
8. Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
9. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
11. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
12. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
13. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
14. Without geometry, life is pointless.
15. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
16. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
|28th February 2008, 14:20||#2537|
Join Date: Jul 2007
Thanked: 11,841 Times
"At the store, they have 100% recycled toilet paper. The worst job in the world must be recycling toilet paper."
taken from Fight Club (novel - Wikiquote)
|28th February 2008, 14:47||#2538|
Join Date: Aug 2006
Thanked: 11 Times
Something I got to see on the web recently:
Honda - Had One Never Did Again
Kia - Killed In Assembly
Saab - Sad Attempt At Beauty
Hyundai - Hoрe You Understand Nothing`s Driveable And Inexрensive
Ford - Fix Or Reрair Daily.
Fiat - Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
BMW - Born Moderately Wealthy.
Audi - Accelerates Under Demonic Influence.
Acura - Asia`s Curse Uрon Rural America
:-( My car is on the list too.
Friends, if a repost, kindly report to the Mods so they could delete it.
|28th February 2008, 15:17||#2539|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Thanked: 512 Times
A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."
The librarian replies, "This is a library."
So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."
A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt. The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?" The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car.
While walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said OK, he said "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson." With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule. As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side. And, one of his hunting buddies shouted, "And I got the cow!"
There was a grandma and a child driving down the road. They came across railroad tracks and the little girl said, "Look grandma choo-choo."
The grandma said, "No the proper name is train."
As they kept on driving they saw a farm. The little girl said, "Look grandma moo-moo."
"No the proper name is cow," the grandma said.
The next day they went to the library and the little girl picked up a book and said, "Look grandma Winnie the ****!"
|28th February 2008, 15:26||#2540|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Thanked: 512 Times
Some bumper stickers...
No Radio - Already Stolen
(On an old, beat-up car) This is not an abandoned vehicle
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away!
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My what big ears you have Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the track Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have Mr Wolf", taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams "Will you f**k off? I'm trying to take a s**t!"
Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As lunch time approaches they decide they are hungry. They then come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs.
One says to the other in a shocked tone, "My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"
"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled.
"Well," says the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."
They approach the vendor bravely. "Two hot dogs, please."
The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The two immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch. One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner and says, "Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"
|29th February 2008, 03:15||#2542|
Join Date: Mar 2006
Thanked: 22 Times
Some random ones found on the net!
A couple traveling cross country decided to stop for a cup of coffee in a local diner somewhere in Texas. While they were sitting at a booth near the counter sipping their coffee, a local cowboy stumbles in and heads for the closest stool at the counter.
As he lifts his leg over the stool, he cuts one of the loudest farts ever heard by a human. The tourist jumps up and yells, 'Sir, how dare you fart before my wife!'
The cowboy stopped, tipped his hat politely and says, 'I'm awful sorry ma'am... I didn't know we were taking turns.
In a survey,
80 percent of women thought their *** was too fat, 15 percent said their *** was too thin and the other five per cent said they didn’t care:
They would have married him anyway.
Two women were talking about their new milkman.
First: He’s very good looking, punctual and dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said the other.
A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession…even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!”
Last edited by speedzak : 29th February 2008 at 03:25.
|29th February 2008, 08:55||#2543|
Join Date: Jan 2008
Thanked: 8 Times
got a email forward-hilarious
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,
"Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde.
"Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid life crisis.
|29th February 2008, 18:01||#2545|
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangalore India
Thanked: 43 Times
|1st March 2008, 19:21||#2546|
Join Date: Jan 2008
Thanked: 6 Times
Just got this in SMS.
Children in the front seat cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat cause children.